


The Preferable Path to Perfection Is You

by Nanaki_Lioness



Series: Pathverse [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Perfection Complex, Slow Burn, Strained parental relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 08:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 59,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9114751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanaki_Lioness/pseuds/Nanaki_Lioness
Summary: AU, DeiItaDei. Itachi prides himself on being the epitome of perfection. Deidara prides himself on tearing that to pieces as unsubtly as possible. Itachi centric, emotional relationship fic.





	1. Picture Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older series of fics that I'm finally moving over to AO3.
> 
> Alternative Universe DeiItaDei- this means it is set in our world, not Konoha, and is about the eventual homosexual pairing of Itachi and Deidara with the dominant role primarily being Deidara's, but occasionally Itachi's. It is also Itachi centric the vast majority of the time.
> 
> Set in the UK. That's where I live, and it's easier to craft a realistic world when it's one I know.

If Uchiha Itachi could name one thing he hated, near the top of the list would be interruption. It wouldn't be _right_ at the top since at least it was recoverable from, but he certainly wasn't very fond of it. He'd been casually staring out of the window, tapping a hand lightly on the desk as his teacher droned on about something he could probably read in a textbook somewhere, when a timid knock on the door had pulled the class's attention to it.

"Come in."

Itachi glanced over with mild irritation to see what the cause was, seeing a blond student he vaguely recognised as being in a year or two below him enter the room. He turned his attention back to the window- he probably had a message to deliver. He was conversing with the teacher, who nodded a few times before turning his attention to the curious class and clapping his hands.

"Alright, the art department would like to borrow one of you."

Itachi sighed and went back to tapping his pen. Nothing interesting, then. Art was one of those subjects he saw absolutely no use in- what good was a degree in art compared to a degree in something more stable? He simply couldn't understand the possibility of attempting to make a living from such a flighty area of expertise.

"Choose who you want then, Deidara."

Itachi remembered the name as it was spoken- Deidara was one of the college's most fanatical art students, forever doing ridiculous things in the name of his subject when he'd joined only a year earlier. One of his more famous artistic works had involved Deidara's misinterpretation of an assignment to do something to 'brighten up the college'. The poor teachers had expected students to plant flowers or paint something to hang on the wall- Deidara had taken to painting parts of the outer college wall in fluorescent pink and yellow paints and earning himself a suspension despite arguing he'd been following the guidelines given.

"I'll take him."

Itachi noticed the hand being pointed was aimed in his direction, and he raised an eyebrow in question at the blond. This was new- he and Deidara hadn't spoken before.

"Come with me," Deidara beckoned with one hand.

Itachi wanted to ask if he really had to but he was too polite for such an act, simply nodding and gathering his things into his bag. Slinging it over his shoulder, he nodded a goodbye to his teacher as he followed Deidara out of the room.

"What do you need me for?" He asked, his soft voice reverberating through the silent corridor as they walked.

"I want to draw you," Deidara replied, giving him an enthusiastic smile.

Of all the things Itachi had been expecting, that was the last one on the list.

"Why me?" He eventually asked, pushing the door in front of them open and holding it for the younger man to pass through.

Deidara shrugged, accepting the chivalry with a smile of thanks. "You look interesting, yeah. I like interesting."

"I assure you I'm really quite plain."

Deidara ignored his self observation, leading him into the art block and into an empty classroom. Shutting the door, he glanced around the small room as if deep in thought.

"I want the best lighting," he remarked after a moment. "Sit by the window."

Itachi did as requested, putting his bag on the floor and seating himself directly in front of one of the large windows at the side of the room. Deidara, who was setting up an easel in front of him, gave him a nod of agreement to stay there.

"Can you relax, yeah? Just look natural."

Itachi had thought he was already looking quite natural but relaxed his stance a little and picked up a nearby paintbrush, inspecting it far more closely than he ever expected he might inspect such an object. The white bristles were worn and stained slightly blue in hue, with the wooden handle clearly having seen better days. Typical college equipment, he noted as he dropped it back on the desk- overused and under-replaced.

He stayed quiet for a while, glancing across to see Deidara sketching on the easel with fire in his eyes. It was almost like he was lost in his own world, seeing nothing but paint and Itachi.

"You enjoy it?" He asked, genuinely curious.

"I wouldn't do it if I didn't."

Apparently Deidara wasn't in the mood to elaborate on his passion, leaving Itachi to glance back down at the paintbrush and twirl it on the desk. He'd been bored in his class but at least he'd had something to _do_ on the horizon when the teacher finished talking, even if he hadn't really had the need to listen.

"Uchiha Itachi, yeah?"

He glanced up as Deidara spoke his name, forming the syllables inquisitively as though they were stuck to his tongue.

"Yes," Itachi confirmed with a small nod.

"People say you're a genius. They say that you're good at everything you do without putting in any effort, yeah."

Itachi thought about that for a moment, eyes narrowed slightly in contemplation. "People like to flatter me," he eventually settled with. "To say I don't exert any effort would be a lie."

"You look like the type of person who would be pretty perfect."

Itachi frowned at him, taking that as an insult. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not insulting you," Deidara quickly added, noting his reaction. "I mean- it just radiates off you. You're dressed well, your hair is tidy and you looked really bored when I came into your class- typical perfect genius, yeah."

"If you're trying not to insult me, you're going to have to try harder."

Deidara sighed in frustration, lowering his pencil for a moment. "I just told you you're presentable and smart, yeah," he finally came up with. "Why are you taking it as an insult?"

Itachi didn't have a response to that. It was a sensible question but he turned his attention back to the window- no-one could force him to voice his answer to it. He wanted people to believe he was flawless, so why did Deidara pointing it out make him feel terrible?

"Everyone says I'm a ditz and that I'm stupid," Deidara told him, putting his pencil back to the paper. "No-one really understands what goes on in my head, yeah. I don't expect you to get it."

Itachi turned his attention fully back to the window, unwilling to speak any longer on the topic. He didn't open up to people- his younger brother had had the most luck getting him to come out of his shell but that was because he was persistent, not because Itachi actually _wanted_ to. He wasn't about to start pouring his heart out to some random stranger.

"Am I going to have to paint this with a blue border?"

"If you wish."

Deidara laughed at that, shaking his head with a sigh. "You really don't get it, do you? I'm saying you look sad. It doesn't suit you, yeah."

"I'm not sad," Itachi shrugged, glancing back over. He wasn't entirely sure if he was lying, though. He was as unreadable to himself just as often as he was to the people around him but he rarely let it bother him- as long as he continued to excel where he wanted to, he didn't care for much else.

"You can't fool me," Deidara commented flippantly, stopping momentarily to look up and meet Itachi's eye. "I'm an artist- I can see these things."

He didn't push the matter, simply putting his attention back on the picture he was drawing. Comfortable silence enveloped the room and Itachi welcomed it- he'd been unhappy with where the conversation had been heading. All he could hear was the scratching of Deidara's pencil on paper and he tuned in on it, finding it almost melodic.

How bad of an afternoon was it going to be, really? All he had to do was sit and do nothing and he didn't even have to care about looking bored. He laid an elbow on the worn, scratched table and rested his chin on his palm. He could get to like art, he decided.

-.-.-

Around two hours later, Itachi had reversed his decision. Sitting doing nothing had got boring very quickly, and Deidara definitely hadn't been in a talkative mood once he had really got going. It had left Itachi sitting in near-silence, watching the clock tick by and wondering if Deidara was anywhere near finished.

How long did it take to sketch and colour a simple picture? He glanced across to see Deidara still at work with a paint palette on one hand, occasionally stealing a glance up at him before continuing.

He frowned, his back aching from sitting on the uncomfortable stool, shifting and trying to get more comfortable. He was getting restless from staying in one place with very little in the way of stimulation- he got bored at the best of times and this artistic venture was starting to try his patience.

"Don't move."

"I've barely moved for nearly two hours."

He was ignored.

It was a reasonably hot day and the sunlight streaming through the large window was making him warm and quite irritable. He picked up his bag from the floor, rifling through it for water and finding none.

"Stop moving, yeah?!" Deidara told him sharply.

Itachi dropped the bag back on the floor, sighing as he did so. "Are you nearly done with your silly picture?" He remarked, resting his elbow on the table and laying his head on his palm. He tapped on the table with his other hand, noticing Deidara staring at him like he had just grown a second head. Feeling that he should elaborate in case he had been too impolite, he did so. "I'd like to get some water."

Deidara lowered his paintbrush and glared at the elder man in such a manner that Itachi wondered if he should bitten his tongue after all. "Silly picture?" He echoed incredulously, finally finding his voice. "Do you have _any_ taste at all, Uchiha?! You don't understand art, do you?"

Itachi tuned him out, glancing out of the window instead. He wasn't usually so ill-mannered but really, he was quite fed up with posing in the sun like some kind of lazy cat. He rubbed the exposed skin on his right arm gently and feeling it burn slightly beneath his touch- it had been taking most of the sunlight. He would _not_ be impressed if he ended up sunburnt- and he would burn, since he'd never once been able to maintain a tan on his pale skin and therefore never tried.

"Art is never silly. I don't like this kind of art very much but it has its place sometimes, yeah," Deidara protested again, throwing a clean paintbrush at Itachi to get his attention. It bounced off of his arm, earning the younger man a curious glance as the brush clattered to the floor. Itachi made a move to pick it up but a yelp from Deidara froze him in place, half raised from the stool and hand outstretched to the floor.

Deidara stalked towards him, pushing him back into a sitting position and retrieving the paintbrush, setting it back down on the side next to Itachi carelessly. He then grabbed a nearby cup and filled it with water from the classroom sink, setting it down next to Itachi with a slam.

"Art is _expression_!" Deidara ranted at him. "There's some water."

Itachi stared at the water, eyes narrowed for a moment before speaking. "Is the water from that tap even safe to drink?" He questioned.

"How should I know?"

Itachi inspected the cup it was in closer, seeing dried paint around and inside of it as Deidara stalked back to his painting. "This cup is used for water to clean brushes," he pointed out after a moment. "Are you trying to poison me?"

"Just sit still!" Deidara snapped at him in frustration, paintbrush sliding furiously across the paper. "If you move much more I'm going to have to start over. I'm almost done, yeah."

Itachi relented at that threat, turning his attention back to the discarded paintbrush he had been looking at earlier. Who in their right mind took such an incredibly useless and tedious subject like art?

He glanced up at Deidara, getting the answer to that question. Mildly eccentric head cases took art, that's who.

Deidara stepped back after a few minutes, inspecting the picture in front of him before stepping over to Itachi. "I need one more thing, yeah," he remarked, taking the paintbrush out of Itachi's hand and putting it down on the side again. "One finishing touch."

He leant forward and pushed his lips gently onto Itachi's, kissing him softly. Itachi stayed locked in the kiss for a moment, his mind working overtime to try and process what the hell had just happened.

After a few tense moments he held his hands up to push Deidara away- Deidara beat him to it however and broke away, stepping back to his picture and grabbing his paintbrush quickly.

"Perfect," he declared to himself. "Perfect, yeah."

"What..." Itachi stopped, swallowing as his voice was hoarse- his throat was drier than it had been previously. He swallowed again, unwilling to test the water he had been given. "What was that?" He finally articulated.

"That was a kiss," Deidara replied casually as though it had been the most natural action in the world. "I'm done, yeah. You can look now."

Itachi slipped off of the stool, eyes narrowed in thought as he padded across the room to inspect the picture. He licked his lips as he did as if to remind him that yes- that really had just happened.

The picture of him that confronted him was very good, Itachi noticed- no, it was _excellent_. The first thing he took note of was the pink tinge on his picture-self's cheeks, glancing across at Deidara as his knowledgeable mind worked out why he had been kissed.

"I thought it would be a nice touch," Deidara said by explanation, shrugging. He didn't even look awkward, Itachi realised, turning his attention back to the picture.

The Itachi in the picture was smiling just slightly too. He wondered briefly when he had smiled but, well, he'd been sitting there for an age and he probably had at some point. He realised with a start that it might have been after the kiss, pushing the thought away as quickly as it rose.

"It's good," he eventually settled with. "Was it what you needed?"

Deidara nodded, giving him a brilliant smile.

"What was your assignment?"

"Assignment?" Deidara repeated, looking confused and cocking his head to one side. "I didn't have an assignment- I had an afternoon off and needed a way to fill it, yeah. I didn't feel like going home."

He gave the elder man a quick wink, packing up his art supplies and humming softly to himself. Itachi watched him, blinking slowly and feeling quite uncharacteristically dumbfounded.

"You can go now," Deidara prompted.

Itachi grabbed his own bag, heading to the door without another word. As he reached it and put one hand on the doorknob, Deidara's voice floated behind him and stopped him.

"You taste like cinnamon."

Itachi's hand faltered and he turned slowly to face Deidara.

"I never thought you'd be one for sweet things," Deidara continued, not looking at Itachi as he packed his things away. "I was surprised."

"Cinnamon cake," Itachi finally spoke. "My brother visited with a cinnamon cake he made yesterday and I took a slice for lunch. He hates sweets but he knows I like them."

"Mm," Deidara hummed. "Tell him it tastes good, yeah."

Itachi put his hand back on the doorknob, turning away. "Yeah," he replied, eyes narrowed slightly as his mind still attempted to process the events of the last few minutes. "I'll tell him."


	2. Metaphoric

"Deidara."

Itachi stood in the doorway of one of the rooms in the art lab, not entirely sure why he was doing what he was doing, but still _doing_ it none the less. Deidara was buried in a piece of work at a table- the only one in the room because it was now home time and everyone else had gone. He didn't notice Itachi despite his call until the elder man stepped across the room, waving a hand in front of his face.

"Uchiha Itachi? What do you want?"

Itachi held a plastic box out to him, looking a little awkward. He was supposed to possess incredible acumen so he was a little confused by the thought process that had led him to be standing in front of a man he barely knew, offering him cake. It was just so completely out of character.

He refused to admit that he liked that.

"Cinnamon cake," he spoke after a moment. "I thought..."

Deidara's face lit up and he took the box, opening it up and taking the slice out. Taking a bite, he nodded enthusiastically and looked back up at Itachi.

"It tastes as good as you did," he remarked.

Did the blond not realise that was a slightly inappropriate comment to make? Itachi stared at him for a moment, feeling strangely fascinated though he couldn't put his finger on why.

"Thank my brother," he eventually spoke, finding his voice. "He's the one who made it."

"Well you're here and he's not, yeah," Deidara shrugged, finishing another bite.

Itachi nodded, taking the plastic box back and wondering why on earth he was still standing there. It was unlike him to be so forward in the first place, and now he didn't want to leave?

"I haven't eaten all day," Deidara admitted with a small smile. "So I really appreciate this."

"You shouldn't neglect your health for the sake of your work."

Deidara glanced up at him, narrowing his eyes curiously. "You've never skipped a meal because you got caught up in something, yeah? You're so skinny I'm surprised you eat at all."

Itachi sat back on the edge of the table, frowning as he did so. "I'm perfectly healthy."

Deidara didn't seem to be listening- his gaze was fixated on Itachi's right arm. He prodded it, causing Itachi to wince slightly in pain. The skin was red and sore- sunburnt, as he had predicted might happen the previous day from sitting in the sun.

"Its sunburn," he remarked. "It's painful, so don't touch."

"Did you get that yesterday?"

Itachi shrugged as if it didn't matter. "Seems so."

Deidara looked apologetic, finishing the cake and standing up. He packed away the things he had been using, glancing across at Itachi. He still hadn't moved. "Come for a drink with me, yeah."

"A drink?"

"It's an in-vi-ta-tion," Deidara spelled out, giving him a grin and slinging his bag over his shoulder. "It'll be fun, yeah."

"I don't even know you."

"You go around giving cake to random strangers a lot?"

"Well, _no_."

"Then you know me well enough," Deidara concluded. "Besides, you'll get to know me better then."

Itachi was too polite to ask if that was a good thing or not, so he simply pushed himself off of the table and headed after the eager blond. "I need to study," he remarked lightly as they headed out of the door. "And I can't say I usually socialise in bars."

"One drink won't kill you."

"One drink might kill _you_ if you haven't eaten more than a single slice of cake all day."

"Are you offering to take me out for dinner, yeah?"

"No I am _not_ ," Itachi replied sharply. "I'll come- but I want to go home and get changed first."

"Give me your address- I'll come and pick you up at seven."

"Are you _deliberately_ trying to make this sound like more than it is?" Itachi demanded to know, wondering as an afterthought why that idea didn't upset him very much.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

No, apparently the ditz was oblivious that he was making this venture sound like a date. Why was Itachi agreeing to this again?

"Just give me a pen and paper," Itachi sighed, holding out a hand and stopping their walk. "I want to be back home by eleven at the latest though, got it?"

-.-.-

Itachi stood in front of the bathroom mirror, pinning his hair back into its usual ponytail. His mind politely reminded him that he was getting smartly dressed up for a casual drink at a bar and nudged him to think about why that could be. He shoved it aside, brushing the front of his smart red shirt down and exhaling heavily.

He wasn't a social person by nature. The only person that had ever succeeded in getting him to be even vaguely social was his brother, and that was only because he wouldn't shut up if he got it into his head that he wanted to do something. Going out for a drink was usually out of the question, and especially with someone he didn't even know and had thought it was good practise to _kiss him_ only hours after meeting him.

He'd enjoyed it.

He shook his head, flicked off the light and stepped out of the room, unwilling to listen to the tiny part of his brain that was becoming more vocal. He had _enjoyed_ it and that was why he'd turned up the next day with homemade cake and agreed to go for a drink. Sasuke would probably fall over in shock if Itachi told him he'd willingly agreed to the latter at least, though he'd probably be happy with the Deidara's flattery of the former.

Itachi had always maintained he was too busy for relationships when asked. What he really meant was he'd never cared to look and- previously- had no desire to change that. A relationship would mean opening up to people and that just wasn't on his agenda any time soon. The small matter of gender hadn't even come up- he'd never got further than simply dismissing relationships as a whole, so his current thought track was a little bit of a surprise.

The doorbell interrupted his thoughts so he grabbed his keys, heading to answer it. Why was he nervous? It was a casual outing with a friend! Well... If you could even call him that, since they barely knew one another.

"I'm surprised you gave me the right address, yeah," Deidara told him, looking genuinely surprised.

"Of course," Itachi protested as he closed the door behind him and walked up the path, Deidara quick on his heels to follow. "I'll repeat this again- I plan on being home by eleven. We have college tomorrow."

"How old are you?" Deidara sighed, folding his arms. "Twelve?"

"Old enough to be responsible," Itachi replied flatly.

"I'm nineteen. You're a year or two older, yeah?"

"Twenty one."

"I thought so. I took a gap year before joining college, yeah." He paused for a moment before rephrasing. "Well, gap two years. How about you?"

"Just one year."

Itachi was leading the way- despite not going out often he still did occasionally and he knew the area better than Deidara seemed to. Almost subconsciously he was taking them to a small bar he and Sasuke usually went to- small, usually quiet and close to Itachi's home. Sasuke sometimes protested he knew of better places but Itachi had always refused to go anywhere else.

He sighed to himself- his brother was _underage_ and went to more bars than he did, getting away with it simply by being tall and having good genetics to dazzle barmaids with. Perhaps being less social than his younger brother had been the subconscious reason why Itachi had agreed to this. That had to be it, right?

"So how did you spend your gap year?"

Itachi shrugged dismissively, unwilling to engage the conversation. He didn't like to talk about himself. "Work experience. Nothing that interesting. You?"

"I went to Europe. Nothing that interesting."

A smile quirked the corner of Itachi's lips at Deidara's flagrant teasing of his own words. "Europe sounds remarkably more interesting than work experience."

"It got me out the country for a while, so yes- it was good. I needed that," Deidara replied cryptically before changing the subject. "Thank you for actually coming, yeah. It's nice to have some company."

Itachi nodded, mulling over what the blond had said as they crossed the road. How was he so comfortable to admit such a thing? He was appreciating the company as well but he'd never admit it, not even under duress.

He led them inside the small bar, taking them into a quiet corner near a snooker table and some slot machines. It was the table he liked the most- despite being close to the snooker table (potential sociability) it was also near the exit (potential escape route).

"What do you drink?" Deidara asked instead of sitting down, indicating that Itachi could do so. Itachi didn't protest, but he wasn't going to let Deidara pay- he pulled a note from his pocket and passed it over

"Does it have to be alcohol?"

"Of course," Deidara replied easily, rolling his eyes and taking the note, eying it like it was going to bite him. "Are you sure about this?"

"Positive," Itachi responded in a firm voice that made it remarkably clear Deidara wasn't to argue.

"Then what will it be?"

"If you're going to insist, you can choose."

Deidara slipped off to get drinks, leaving Itachi alone with his thoughts. He hated this kind of thing- why couldn't Deidara have suggested something a little less daunting, like bowling or a movie?

His mind swiftly reminded him that he hadn't suggested either of those things because those were things you did on a date. This was most definitely not a date, it was just a drink between friends. Almost friends. Two people. _Not a date_.

He gave up trying to pin a name to it, accepting whatever was handed to him when Deidara returned and taking a sip. It tasted familiar and he tasted again to be sure.

"Vodka and Red Bull," Deidara told him, sitting down with one for himself. "That's okay?"

"Tastes fine," Itachi remarked, putting it down. Deidara reached across the table and nudged his hand gently, giving him a kind smile.

"Relax."

Itachi picked the glass back up, taking another sip to appease his companion. Deidara was probably right- relaxing couldn't do him much harm, after all, and he was probably long overdue doing something stress relieving.

"So tell me about yourself, yeah," Deidara asked him with a smile. "You said you're pretty plain and I don't believe that for a second."

"I am," Itachi insisted. "There's nothing interesting to learn about me."

"I think I'm going to prove you wrong."

Itachi was saved from having to reply by his mobile phone ringing, pulling it from his pocket and glancing at the caller ID. Sasuke- of course it was, no-one else called him.

"My brother," he explained. "He's probably wondering why I didn't pick up at home."

Deidara laid a hand over his to stop him answering it. "So he's checking up on you, yeah?"

"That isn't what-"

Deidara snatched the phone from him, tapping the button to answer the call and holding the phone to his ear.

"Oh, Itachi!" He moaned seductively, causing the man in question to choke on his drink. "Oh yeah, do it like that, yeah, oh! _Oh_!"

He disconnected the call and dropped the phone back down on the table in front of Itachi with a shrug. "He won't check up on you again now."

Itachi simply stared at him completely stupefied for a moment before he covered his reddened cheeks with his hands, mentally going through his mind a way of explaining this to Sasuke. The truth was plausible but his mind was far too focused on the moaning the other man had emitted to realise he didn't have to lie about it. Deidara was an _idiot_ , enough said.

"You have no common sense, do you?" He eventually uttered, taking a deep breath and attempting to push some sudden unwelcome images out of his mind.

"You have no sense of fun, yeah," Deidara countered.

The phone rang again and Itachi hurriedly snatched it up before Deidara could answer it again.

"Sasuke, ignore that," he said quickly. "I'm out with a friend and he's mentally deficient."

"I don't know who he is but I'm not going to disagree," Sasuke replied- Itachi could almost see his eyebrow raised in question as he spoke. "Regardless, I'm impressed you left the house of your own accord. I'll leave you to it, Itachi. Have fun."

He hung up, leaving Itachi staring dumbly at the phone in his hand. He felt like his IQ had dropped a few points just by being in Deidara's company but as he put the phone away, he realised it really wasn't all bad. At least he was good to look at.

He had accepted that much internally, at least. That didn't mean he was going to accept that he was feeling something more- something new, something different...

Deidara had been speaking. He snapped out of his reverie, fixing the younger man with an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry- what did you say?"

"I said you're a person with a small garden."

Itachi blinked at him, perplexed. He guessed Deidara wasn't talking about his actual front garden, but he had no idea what he could mean instead. "Is that supposed to be a metaphor?"

"Imagine a garden," Deidara replied patiently. "It has boundaries and everything you do is kept inside, because that garden is your own personal space. You keep the things you're comfortable with in and the things you're not out, yeah."

He jumped up before Itachi could protest otherwise, slinking into the seat next to him and curling up to his side.

"What are you doing?" Itachi asked slowly, trying to back off.

"You're uncomfortable with that, yeah?" Deidara pointed out. "I'm expanding your garden."

Itachi could think of other things that might expand if Deidara kept his hand on his thigh like he was.

"My garden is huge," Deidara continued, keeping his lips close to Itachi's ear. "I want to share my garden with you."

Yes, he definitely wasn't straight was he? Oh no. Itachi was very unaware of how not-straight he was feeling right then.

"Can you stop talking in metaphors?" He eventually managed say, covering his alarm well considering the circumstances.

"I like you and I want to get to know you better, yeah," Deidara explained. "And I want to show you what you're missing by having such small garden boundaries. There are so many fun things you can do if you just relax."

Itachi's mind filled in quite a nice blank there for 'relaxing'. He beat it down once more, finally picking up Deidara's hand and removing it as he stood up. "I'm sure there are," he said smoothly, getting up to leave the table.

"You're running away because I made you uncomfortable," Deidara commented, moving back to his own seat as Itachi began to step away.

"If you say so," Itachi remarked, pausing to glance over his shoulder. "I'm actually going to the bathroom, but if you want to flatter yourself and pretend I'm 'running away' then you're quite welcome to."

"Convenient timing," Deidara noted, raising a suspicious eyebrow but saying no more about it. "I'm going to open your eyes and show you what you're missing, yeah. Trust me."

Itachi didn't respond, heading away and ducking into the bathroom quickly- absolutely, definitely running away despite his words but he suspected he had been transparent about it regardless. The thought made him uneasy and he ran a hand up into his hair with a heavy sigh, looking up at the ceiling.

So he had established that his body at least had an interest in this guy, frowning with disdain and splashing cold water on his face to calm himself. What was with him all of a sudden anyway? Why was he acting like a mystified schoolchild over someone he barely knew? It was the kiss, he decided. It had to be the kiss. There was no other explanation for someone as logical and, well, _unsociable_ as he was to be seemingly falling for another person, regardless of gender. It just didn't make any sense.

When he returned to the table in a much more reasonable state, he noticed Deidara was setting up the nearby snooker table. The drink he'd finished before leaving was refreshed too, he noticed- and of course it was another alcoholic one.

"Let's play, yeah," Deidara indicated the table, holding a cue in his hand and giving Itachi a sly grin. Itachi thought for about half a second before finding himself walking to the table regardless. It seemed his mind had been made up for him as he picked up the other cue, running a finger over the tip to check how chalky it was. It was a good thing Sasuke usually forced him to play on the rare occasion they came out so he wasn't going to be terrible in front of Deidara.

He let Deidara break, frowning as he used more force than was really necessary- it sent the balls flying across the table, bouncing from the sides and smashing loudly into one another before settling quietly.

Itachi took the first shot perfectly- of course- earning a frown from Deidara as the red ball spun easily into the pocket he had been aiming at.

"Are you kidding me, Uchiha? Don't tell me you're good at snooker as well?"

"My name is Itachi- _not_ Uchiha," Itachi noted tersely, lining up his cue with the most accessible colour- the green. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Deidara either didn't pick up on his touchy tone or ignored it. "Well, is there anything you're bad at?"

Itachi knew a possible answer to that question might be 'social situations like this', but he held his tongue. Instead he took another perfect shot and ignored that he had been spoken to, fishing the green ball from the pocket and returning it to the table in accordance to the rules. Deidara chalked up the points awarded for it, sighing and leaning back against the table.

Itachi had no idea how he managed to miss the next shot.

The white ball glided past the red one he had been aiming at and bounced uselessly off of the side, leaving Itachi staring at it with a rising sense of panic. Panic was a perfectly reasonable reaction to such a small thing, right? He hated his mind sometimes.

"Oh?" Deidara said inquisitively, raising an eyebrow.

Of course the idiot was going to pick up on it, amplifying his internal horror even if his exterior facade was still perfect.

"You have some warped views," Itachi remarked lightly, stepping aside to let Deidara took his shot. He was a hypocrite of course, since he knew _he_ was the one with a perfection complex. "It isn't possible to achieve perfection all the time."

Deidara took his own shot, watching the white ball carelessly glide off the edge of the red one he had been aiming for. He stepped back, waiting until Itachi was lining up his next one to answer.

"You try though, yeah?"

The question was casual and Deidara probably hadn't meant any harm, but it caused Itachi to halt in the middle of bringing his cue forward to shoot with wide eyes.

The moment passed and he took the shot- it landed perfectly and he nodded in satisfaction as the red ball landed cleanly in the pocket as he had planned. The flaw was recovered as if it hadn't existed and that suited him absolutely fine.

-.-.-

The walk home was actually remarkably pleasant- they'd left the bar at quarter to eleven by Itachi's request, but Deidara apparently wasn't happy with the plan of getting him home on time. He'd led them the other way and onto the edge of the nearby town- Itachi had followed, quite unsure where he was going and partially excited to find out. He stamped on that part of his brain and set it on fire just in case it tried to re-emerge.

Deidara took them to a bridge and stood on it, leaning against the stone edge and looking down into the river below. He looked melancholy for just a moment before smiling, looking across at Itachi as he joined him looking down.

"It's nice, yeah? I come here to sketch sometimes when I want a quiet place."

"It is nice," Itachi agreed. He'd never really taken much notice of his local towns- he simply didn't bother with recreational trips just 'because'. There had to be a reason and he would fulfil that reason swiftly and then go home.

Deidara passed him a piece of paper from his sketchbook almost shyly, looking away as Itachi took it. "Can you do origami?"

He pulled a piece of paper from his notebook for himself as Itachi took the hint and set to work on folding his own piece.

"Of course you can, yeah," Deidara sighed, answering his own question. "You can do everything."

He folded the paper expertly and swiftly, holding out a bird when he was done. Itachi admired it, impressed- he was good but then again, given it was a form of art he wasn't really surprised.

"You're very good at art," he said quietly, still folding his paper. "Why are you so worried about how good I may or may not be at things?"

"I'm good in one area," Deidara replied, tossing the bird down haphazardly into the river. It bobbed on the water, slowly floating downstream. "You're good at everything."

"You only met me yesterday," Itachi countered. "How can you be so sure?"

"I picked you because everyone says it, yeah? I wanted to see for myself," Deidara admitted, a slight blush on his cheeks as he spoke. "I also thought if you really were so perfect that I'd get a perfect painting."

"Did it come out how you wanted?"

Deidara thought for a moment before grinning, watching the bird float underneath the bridge and out of sight. "It did when I kissed you- it made you more natural. Less like a doll and more like a person, yeah."

"A doll?" Itachi frowned at that- he'd heard many words to describe himself but that wasn't one of them.

"A puppet," Deidara elaborated after a moment. "The strings get pulled and you react perfectly."

"Puppeteers can still make mistakes."

"If the puppeteer makes a mistake he might be able to catch it before the puppet reflects it, yeah."

Itachi glanced across at Deidara, wondering where this sudden articulate conversation had come from. He turned his attention back to the half-folded paper in his hands, feeling quite subdued.

"It's difficult to catch most mistakes," he pointed out quietly. "Once you pull the string, getting it to stop before it reaches the puppet takes excellent reaction time and might reflect another mistake in the attempt to stop it."

"Maybe you just need to lighten up."

So they weren't talking in metaphors anymore it seemed. Itachi finished folding his paper, opening his hands to reveal a flower. Deidara plucked it from his fingers, looking it over with a strange brightness in his eyes Itachi had last seen when he'd been painting the picture the day before.

"You're good at this," he commented, flicking it over the bridge and into the water. "Though we just had that conversation."

"You aren't who you seem," Itachi spoke quietly after they'd been standing watching the flower drift serenely downstream, only speaking when it disappeared under the bridge and out of sight.

"You aren't who you project yourself to be either," Deidara responded just as quietly. "Even if you don't show it you aren't who you try to be."

Itachi gave no response, straightening himself up and letting go of the edge of the bridge. Deidara copied him, indicating over his shoulder and starting to stroll away.

"Hopefully the detour was worth breaking your curfew for, yeah?" He joked as they walked.

"Oh no- my younger brother will ground me," Itachi replied flatly. Deidara glanced at him like he'd just grown a second head, eyes wide.

"Did you just make a joke?"

Itachi shrugged, a tiny smile on the edge of his lips giving him away. "Maybe."

Deidara laughed slightly, looking rather satisfied. "I like you. Can we meet up tomorrow?"

"We'll see," Itachi replied, preferring to stay non-committed. Deidara took that as a satisfactory answer, giving him a wave and stepping off ahead.

"See you tomorrow then, yeah," he called over his shoulder before picking up the pace and jogging away.

Itachi watched him go, biting his lip nervously- he wasn't used to this level of interaction was anyone- Sasuke included.

"I didn't _agree_ ," he attempted to call, but Deidara was already gone. The words floated on the wind between them before dissipating into nothingness, leaving him standing wordlessly on the edge of the bridge and thanking Deidara hadn't noticed his origami flower had been salvaged from the remains of an attempt at a bird.


	3. Flawless Perception

Was that the doorbell?

Itachi covered his head with a pillow, sleepily trying to block the noise out. It was still dark- who was ringing his bell relentlessly like that at such a time of the morning?

He sat up halfway, glancing at the clock on the side next to him to read half past five on the illuminated display. He groaned and laid back down, the sensible part of his brain telling him his early morning visitor was most likely Deidara. It wasn't a surprise that he was on the doorstep considering his parting words the day before, but why so _early_?

Itachi pulled himself up and grabbed his dressing gown from the back of the door, slipping it on as he made his way to answer it. His visitor had taken to just holding their finger on the bell and not letting go- clearly, they weren't going away any time soon.

"Deidara," he said sharply as he opened the door to be greeted by a set of inquisitive blue eyes and a bright smile. "Do you have any idea what _time_ it is?"

Deidara cocked his head, looking mildly offended. "Good morning to you too."

"It's _five thirty am_ , Deidara."

Deidara shrugged, apparently nonplussed. "I don't sleep much, yeah."

"You can stay for breakfast," Itachi sighed, stepping aside to let Deidara in after a moment and resisting the urge to respond that _he_ liked his sleep so please go away now.

Deidara grinned and happily stepped inside, looking rather accomplished about something. Had that been his plan all along, Itachi wondered? He shook his head and closed the door, leading the younger man through to his living room. It was too early for such complex lines of thought but he was far too polite to turn the other way after he'd ventured all the way to his place as such an hour.

Once he had Deidara seated at the living room table he stepped out into the kitchen- it was adjacent to the table so he could still see and speak to his surprise visitor.

"What kind of things do you eat?" He called, opening his fridge.

"Aren't you going to show me a perfect breakfast?" Deidara called, a cheeky hint to his voice.

Itachi closed the fridge and opened the bread bin instead- the idiot could get toast and like it for _that_ comment. He quickly fixed two coffees, making Deidara's like his own as he waited for the toast. If he didn't like it Itachi was sure he would complain, after all- he was lucky to be let in the house, let alone staying for food.

He practically threw the plate of toast and coffee down on the table and collapsed into the chair, running a hand through his loose hair and tucking it behind one ear. It was way too early in the morning, it really was.

"This tea tastes kind of funny."

Itachi looked up at him, clearly confused. "That's because it's coffee, not tea."

"...Oh. You should have said, yeah."

"You should have been able to _taste_ \- never mind."

He wasn't going to drag himself into an argument over something so petty and obvious. He picked up a slice of toast instead, wondering if he was going to fall asleep at his desk that day- by the time he'd arrived home, quickly glanced over his studies and got to bed the night before it had been approaching around one am.

Of course he wouldn't fall asleep- that would imply he wasn't perfect. He bit back the thought that technically being unable to function on the little sleep he _had_ had when Deidara could was a flaw- he really needed to get a grip on that complex of his sometimes.

"Do you not sleep?" He asked, realising Deidara must have had about the same amount.

"I told you, I don't really sleep much. I can survive on about four hours a night."

"That must be useful."

"It's just one of those things I learnt to do."

Itachi was perceptive. The tone Deidara had spoken with was clearly a bitter one, and he wisely dropped the subject. He wasn't about to start prying for details on the other's life, despite feeling a little more at ease with his presence by now.

"I'm going to take a shower," he told Deidara as he finished his coffee. "Help yourself to the kitchen if you still want anything."

-.-.-

Well... He only had himself to blame. He _had_ said Deidara could help himself to the kitchen if he wanted anything, and that was precisely what he'd done.

"What are you trying to do?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe and running a towel through his hair. Did he really want that question answered? His kitchen looked like a bomb had hit it- a rather floury, strangely sweet smelling bomb. He'd only been gone fifteen minutes! How had this happened?

"I'm making a cake, yeah."

Itachi blinked a few times, draping the towel over his shoulder and pulling a cake tin from the cupboard. He dropped it on the side with a clang, pre-heated the oven and walked out of the room without another word. Why was he going along with this again?

-.-.-

When he was confronted with the cake itself nearly thirty minutes later he really _did_ wonder why he hadn't put a stop to the atrocity before it happened.

"What was it _supposed_ to be?" He asked, eyeing the rather sad, flat looking cake on the wire cooling tray.

"Coffee cake, yeah. You seem to like coffee."

"That doesn't explain why it's blue."

"I found some food colouring."

"I imagine it wasn't in need of being found if it was in my cupboard. It wasn't lost."

"I thought it would be interesting."

"Deidara," Itachi shook his head, pointing to the pitiful cake. "It's _bright_ blue. How much of the bottle did you use?"

"...All of it? How much should I have used?"

Deidara grabbed a knife from the nearby block as Itachi looked skyward in silent prayer, attacking the cake and cutting a piece off. As he tried to pick it up to eat it, Itachi slapped his hand away lightly.

"You can't eat that," he said firmly.

He frowned for a moment, putting a tentative finger on the cake. Something wasn't quite right with it apart from its ridiculous colour. Deidara had ignored his warning and was happily eating a slice, seemingly confused about something as well.

"I think I missed an ingredient," he mused, taking another bite.

Against his better judgment, Itachi took a tiny piece off the edge of Deidara's slice and tested it.

"Maybe... Vanilla essence, yeah?"

"No," Itachi replied, grabbing a glass and filling it with water to get rid of the taste. "You missed the _sugar_."

Deidara processed that for a minute before shrugging and finishing his slice, apparently not too worried about the lack of sugar and the presence of an alarming amount of food dye.

"Your teeth are blue," Itachi pointed out. "And your lips."

Deidara shrugged, giving him a blue smile and heading off into the living room. Itachi followed, making a mental note to never leave Deidara alone in his house again.

-.-.-

Deidara had followed him home from college, apparently oblivious to Itachi's subtle glances that clearly indicated 'why are you following me home?' Regardless, Itachi had let him in the house and was currently working at the living room table while Deidara sprawled himself across the sofa. The artist wasn't interfering with his studies so Itachi didn't see the harm in letting him stay.

"Don't you have any work to do?" He asked, not looking up. Last he had checked Deidara had been lying on the sofa seemingly deep in thought about something.

"I am working, yeah."

Itachi threw him a glance to see he had his sketchbook out now, tuned to something in the room sketching furiously. He frowned- it seemed more time had passed since the last time his gaze had wandered than he had originally thought.

"What are you drawing?" He asked conversationally, putting his pen down. He put a hand to his forehead, closing his strained eyes slightly. The early start and lack of sleep had taken more out of him than he had thought, leaving him with a mild headache that was steadily getting worse.

"Your coffee cup."

Itachi blinked, looking across at him in surprise. It was just a plain white coffee cup- what was so special about it?

"Isn't that boring? I must have something more interesting here you could draw."

Deidara flipped the sketchbook round so Itachi could see it, noting the nearly complete drawing showed a _chipped_ coffee cup. He frowned, guessing there was supposed to be a message here that he was clearly missing.

"Why is it chipped?"

"It represents the only consistent flaw of yours that I can see," Deidara said easily, turning back to the picture and missing the glare Itachi sent him. "You try to be perfect but yet you're always drinking that stuff, yeah. I see a caffeine dependency."

"I like the taste," Itachi argued, not wanting to think about the possibility Deidara was right and there was a flaw he had missed. He had them all covered all of the time!

Then again, he'd never thought of himself as _dependent_ on the stuff...

He stood, picking up the coffee cup despite Deidara's protest and tipping the contents down the sink. He'd work it out later, ignoring the part of him that was a little shaken that he'd been seen in an imperfect light with _evidence_.

"It's getting late," he prompted as he walked back into the living room. "Since you woke me up so early today, I'd like to go to bed."

"I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah?" Deidara replied, snapping his sketchbook closed. He put it in his bag, giving Itachi a small wave and a smile as he headed for the doorway. "Thanks for letting me stay though. Same time tomorrow?"

He was seeing himself out the door before Itachi could protest that he didn't want another five am wake up call, leaving the elder man to sigh and seat himself back at the table. He glanced down at the work in front of him, reading the words but seeing only nonsense now. He couldn't concentrate and the headache certainly wasn't getting any better, either. Still he stayed, feeling as though he'd spent too much time socialising therefore he was behind even though he really wasn't.

He read the same line over and over a few times before standing with an agitated sigh- it was definitely time for bed. If he was getting up before daybreak again he probably needed an early night anyway.

As he was about to crawl into bed after showering and cleaning his teeth, he had an afterthought to check that Deidara had closed the front door on his way out, slipping out to the hallway to check it. It seemed shut but he felt the need to re-open it anyway, knowing he'd just worry about it unless he was the one to close it.

Just as he was about to shut the door he stopped, frowning slightly at something rather out of place in his front garden. There was a reasonably sized tree in his garden, currently sporting a new addition much to Itachi's surprise as he stepped out onto the path to inspect.

What was _with_ this guy? Itachi stood and observed Deidara asleep in the tree for a moment, quite unsure of what to do. He didn't want to leave him there- he might fall and hurt himself for a start- but did he want to invite him back inside? He really didn't know him well, despite the fact they'd been nearly chained together for the last day or so.

Eventually his conscience overtook him and he called the man's name gently, hoping he could wake him without startling him. It did- Deidara stirred and glanced down, looking a little sheepish that he had been discovered.

"Are you stalking me?" Itachi wanted to know as Deidara clambered down to his side.

"If I wanted to stalk you I'd have hidden in a cupboard in your house rather than leaving, yeah."

Itachi beckoned to him as he walked back up the path, sighing as he went. "You'd better come back inside and talk."

Deidara followed without a word, staying silent until he was sitting back on Itachi's sofa looking rather awkward.

"Out with it," Itachi hinted when they'd been sitting in silence for a few minutes. His voice wasn't unkind, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious for an explanation.

"Well..."

Deidara was twirling a strand of hair around his finger nervously, not meeting Itachi's eye. As Itachi was about to prompt him again, he spoke.

"I didn't want to go home."

"Why not?"

"It's... Lonely. I live alone and I've liked your company, yeah."

Itachi narrowed his eyes slightly at that, confused. "Deidara," he said quietly. "I think you have the wrong idea about me. I'm really not that nice."

"No, you are," Deidara argued, finally turning to him. "You've let me hang around and even if you weren't trying, you've made me feel wanted, yeah. That's... I'm not used to it."

He fiddled with his hair again, looking away. The admittance was clearly difficult for him to make, and Itachi felt a pang of sympathy for him. He didn't dislike Deidara at all- he'd been a little frustrated with him for pointing out things he really didn't want him to, but overall he had no problems with him and didn't mind his company. No- he _enjoyed_ his company, and truth be told it had made him feel less lonely too.

"Do you want to stay the night?" Itachi asked after a moment's consideration. "I can't have you sleeping in my tree."

"I don't want to impose, yeah."

"But you don't want to be alone."

No response.

"Spend the night."

It was now an order, not a question. Deidara still looked uncomfortable but he nodded in agreement, leaning back and closing his eyes.

"I need to go to bed," Itachi said when Deidara had been silent for a while. "I'll see you tomorrow. If you want a blanket there's probably one in the airing cupboard- it's the door next to the bathroom."

Deidara nodded wearily, so Itachi got up and left him alone on the sofa to sleep. His night hadn't ended quite how he had expected, but he still felt quite satisfied. He flicked the light out and lay down, hoping he would sleep easily that night despite the presence of another person in the house. A person that had practically destroyed his kitchen when last left alone for more than two minutes, he reflected with a smile as he fell quickly into much welcomed slumber.

-.-.-

When he awoke the following morning he found Deidara sitting on the edge of his bed, sketchbook in hand and studying him intently. He jumped, sitting bolt upright with wide eyes and sending Deidara a sharp glare.

"You look so relaxed when you sleep, yeah," Deidara told him, closing his sketchbook. "But I can't finish it now because you moved."

The room was pretty light, prompting Itachi to glance at the clock. The red illumination told him it was just gone half past eight and practically fell over himself to get out of the bed.

"You turned off my alarm?" He asked, sprinting to his wardrobe and slamming it open. "We have to leave for college in the next two minutes or we're going to be late!"

"Of course I turned it off," Deidara frowned, getting up off of the bed. "I didn't want you waking up while I drew you."

"Get out so I can get changed!"

Deidara did as requested as Itachi changed, glad that he'd bothered to shower the night before. Opening the bedroom door he hurriedly grabbed a glass of water and threw all the notes he'd made the night before together before placing them neatly into his bag, snatching his car keys from a hook by the front door and shooing Deidara outside.

"Get in," he indicated the car, jumping into the driver's seat and willing himself to wake up faster. Deidara jumped in the passenger seat, barely shutting the door before Itachi was pulling the car out of the space.

"It wouldn't have mattered if we were a little late, yeah."

"Yes it _would_ ," Itachi replied firmly. "I have a perfect attendance record."

"Of course you do," Deidara replied with a grin. "I'm really not surprised. You could have just said your cat ate your car keys or something."

"I don't have a cat."

Deidara exhaled heavily and rolled his eyes. "It's a metaphorical cat, Itachi," he replied knowingly. "I thought you were supposed to be intelligent."

"Telling them my non-existent cat ate my keys is absurd."

"It's a metaphorical cat," Deidara reminded him. "Not a non-existent one."

"Just be quiet else you can walk."

"Fine by me," Deidara agreed airily. "At least I don't have a complex about being late."

"Deidara?" Itachi spoke wearily, rubbing a hand across his eyes as he stifled a yawn.

"Yeah?"

"Stop talking else a cat won't be the one to eat my car keys."

-.-.-

It was only when they pulled up with a few minutes to spare did Itachi relax, parking the car outside the gates and taking a second to lean back against his seat. He grabbed his bag from Deidara's feet, rifling through it for a brush and hair tie.

"I'll see you, yeah?" Deidara said as he opened the car door. "Thanks for the ride."

He hopped out of the car and closed the door, seemingly quite happy as he walked towards the college. Itachi watched him go, tying his hair back and inspecting his reflection in the rear view mirror- as suspected, he looked like he had just spent the night sleeping in a bush. He sighed and forced himself out of the car, running his hands across his face as he did so.

As he was walking to his first class, a sudden realisation hit him that the idiot could have been right. He could have _killed_ for coffee right then. He mulled it around in his mind, narrowing his eyes in thought- what did that fall under, then? An imperfection or a quirk?

A quirk, he decided as he entered the room and sat down with sixty perfect seconds to spare. It was definitely a quirk.


	4. Google oogle

Itachi learnt over the coming months that there was no such thing as a typical morning with Deidara around. The artist had practically moved into Itachi's home, going back to his own to sleep maybe half the nights in a week and always returning at around five am if he did. Itachi had started to wake naturally at that time, which worried him somewhat since he'd never been a morning person.

Deidara was fanatical about his art, he had also learnt. Well- he had known that already, but he had got to experience it firsthand. His own belongings weren't exempt from the pull of his friend's artistic flare, though fortunately anything Deidara had done to his things was generally reversible and therefore he deemed it harmless.

One particular Saturday morning he awoke and pulled himself sleepily out of the bed, glancing at the time. Five am- of course. He was tempted to lie back down and try and sleep more but he knew Deidara would come and wake him if he did- sometimes he even made coffee for him, which was a novelty.

He stepped past his desk on his way out of the door, stopping and backing up slightly. Something hadn't looked right. He frowned at the desk in question, wondering what was different- _something_ was but his tired mind couldn't yet process what it was. He blinked, eyes falling on his mouse as he realised that it was the source of discrepancy.

It was sporting a pair of googly eyes. He blinked a few more times, wondering if he was dreaming- no, _wishing_ he was dreaming because there was no reality in which his mouse with happy googly eyes was a good thing. He picked it up to inspect it, noticing another more pressing issue with said mouse as he lifted it slowly into the air. The wire had been cut to a much shorter length, trailing uselessly beneath it as Itachi attempted to comprehend what had happened to it.

"Deidara," he muttered under his breath, putting the mouse down with a sharp bang, causing the googly eyes to jiggle as he did so. He stalked towards the door, grabbing his dressing gown from the back of it and slipping it on as he made his way to the living room.

Deidara was sitting at the table doing something with a pair of wire cutters, giving him a smile as he entered. "Good morn-"

"What did you do to my mouse?" Itachi growled at him, cutting him off. He leant against the door frame, putting a hand to his forehead to quell the sudden rising stress headache.

"I gave him character, yeah," Deidara explained, looking confused. He indicated the cutters in his hands and what he had been snipping- it was some kind of wire and Itachi dreaded to think where it had come from. "I'm making whiskers for him now- he needs whiskers."

"It needs to get thrown away," Itachi responded, trying to keep his temper in check. The blond idiot didn't even think he'd done anything _wrong_ for heaven's sake!

"Thrown away?! Are you insane, yeah?!"

Oh great, and now he'd sent the lunatic off on a rant about the values of art- who was he to be calling anyone else insane, anyway? Itachi padded past him to make a coffee, Deidara seemingly completely oblivious as he stepped into the kitchen.

"You can't just throw away art! Let me finish it!"

Apparently he _wasn't_ oblivious since he'd followed Itachi into the kitchen, continuing on his tirade. Itachi held a hand up to stop him, needing to ask the question that had been preying on his mind.

"Where did you get the wire for the..." Itachi didn't want to say it in case it encouraged him, but he was getting a blank look so he did. "Whiskers?"

"Your electric guitar."

"I don't own an electric guitar."

"Yes you do," Deidara remarked. "It was in the living room."

"That's my brother's guitar," Itachi pointed out evenly. "Are you going to explain to him why it's missing a string or shall I?"

Deidara faltered in his answer for just a moment before brightening up and shrugging.

"No big deal then."

" _You_ might not get on with my brother but _I_ do," Itachi commented, seating himself at the table with his coffee and exhaling irritably. "And I'd rather like to continue doing so."

Deidara and Sasuke were like oil and water- in fact, the only words they had exchanged that weren't laden with outright _bitchiness_ were 'thank you making nice cake' and a 'hrmph' in response that had Deidara wound up immediately. Itachi had attempted to explain Sasuke was one of those people who didn't just accept anybody and that he was possessive about Itachi, but it had seemingly fallen on deaf ears. Now he just ignored them and let them get on with it, figuring they'd probably work it out eventually.

"It's for art, yeah."

"I doubt Sasuke will appreciate his belongings being desecrated in the name of 'art'."

"Why did he leave it here then?"

"I have no idea- he probably forgot it. Regardless, I'm sure he assumed it wasn't going to come to much harm."

Deidara rejoined him at the table, picking his wire cutters and snipping at the guitar wire with a little less enthusiasm.

"I needed to get work done today," Itachi voiced after a moment. "Instead I now need to go and buy a new mouse. You know you're coming with me, right?"

"I'm busy, yeah."

"No, you need to replace the guitar string before Sasuke finds out and kills you. I doubt he's going to be very understanding." He paused to sip his coffee before continuing. "That said, let it be known even I'm not impressed with this, Deidara."

"But-"

"No," Itachi interrupted, holding a hand up. "No excuses. We can go to that shopping centre just outside of town in time for when everything opens, replace everything and pretend this never happened."

"Can we get lunch while we're there? We can make a morning of it."

"If we must," Itachi sighed, folding his arms on the table and laying his head on them. It was clear he wasn't going to get much work done today anyway, so why not?

-.-.-

'Why not', indeed? Itachi could think of a fair few reasons why he should have simply stayed in bed that day, let alone been stupid enough to tell Deidara to come with him.

It should have been easy. It should have been a quick drive to the nearby shopping centre, a trip into the computer store to buy a mouse, another store for guitar strings, a little window shopping, a quick lunch then home again in time for him to get some work done after all. In theory it was simple and should have been completed in a couple of hours at the most.

Deidara was incapable of making anything that needed to be done _simple_. Oh no, he had to find some way of complicating matters and somehow he'd managed it before Itachi had even got them to the shopping centre.

At this rate, Deidara was going to be lucky if he got to their destination in one piece and it wasn't because Itachi was going to maim him if he didn't get back in the car. He was attempting to climb a traffic light pole and failing- he had jumped out when they were sitting at the lights and attempted to clamber up the pole, leaving Itachi staring dumbly at him while getting beeped by the cars behind for staying stationary at a green light.

He had steered the car off to the edge of the road, getting out and leaning back against the side of it. Did he really want to ask what the idiot was doing?

Yes, he decided. Yes he did because if it was ridiculous enough perhaps he'd be able to convince him to get back in the car.

"What are you doing?" He called when Deidara slipped off the pole for the tenth time.

"Art, yeah," Deidara called, attempting to climb up once more.

"That doesn't answer my question."

Deidara stopped, one arm and his legs wrapped round the pole as he rifled in his pocket and pulled something out. Itachi recognised it as a set of googly eyes similar to the ones his mouse had been parading that morning, yet larger.

"Are you _seriously-_ "

He cut himself off as Deidara started to scale the pole again- he knew the answer to that. Yes he seriously was going to stick a pair of googly eyes to the traffic lights.

"Why?" He muttered to himself, leaning his head back against the side of the car. It was an open question, really- why was he doing it, why was Itachi not forcing him back into the car, why was Itachi not _driving off_ and leaving him there in fact?

Deidara yelled in delight as he smacked on eye on the traffic light, falling as he did so. He landed on one knee with a jarring thud, causing Itachi to wince- apparently, the blond didn't even notice, once again trying to climb the pole to add the second one.

After several more failed attempts and numerous cars slowing to see what was going on- and driving off laughing- Itachi finally walked over and grabbed his arm, shaking his head firmly. "No. Can't it just be a one eyed traffic light?"

Deidara pulled his arm free, looking scandalised. "Have you ever heard of a Cyclops traffic light?"

"Traffic lights _do not have eyes in the first place_ ," Itachi insisted, resigning himself to his fate when he noticed the blank look he was receiving. "I'm getting back in the car. If you're not done in the next five minutes you can walk the rest of the way."

He tried the door handle, reaching into his pocket for his keys as he found it locked. Frowning, he realised with a start that his keys weren't there and they were, in fact, locked inside the car. He could see them sitting in the ignition- of course luck would have it the window was wound down only slightly, making him unable to reach them through it.

It was Deidara's fault, he lamented to himself as he pulled his phone from his pocket. It was always Deidara's fault. He had locked himself out of his car before thanks to Deidara's idiot schemes- they'd been stuck at the movie theatre at eleven at night waiting for a locksmith after Deidara had somehow managed to throw Itachi's keys down the drain. He speed dialled a familiar number, laughing slightly at the memory- he hadn't laughed at the time, mind. The very next day he had devised a backup plan.

"Sasuke?" He spoke, exhaling and staring at the sky. "Can you bring my spare car key?"

-.-.-

He was thankful Sasuke lived reasonably close by, approaching Itachi with one eyebrow raised in Deidara's direction only a short while later. Itachi had told him where they were headed and why but had wisely left off the part about the origin of the mouse's whiskers.

"Do I want to know what he's doing?" Sasuke asked, still looking at Deidara halfway up the pole.

"I don't care anymore," Itachi sighed, holding his hand out to receive the key. "Thanks, Sasuke."

Sasuke handed it over and glanced up at the traffic light- it was still wearing one rather sad looking googly eye, looking as sorry for itself as an inanimate object could.

"Why are you friends with this idiot again?" He remarked curtly, indicating the frantically clambering artist over his shoulder with his thumb.

"Don't start, Sasuke," Itachi sighed heavily, testing the key in the lock. It unlocked the car and he breathed a sigh of relief, neglecting to get inside for a moment as he noticed Sasuke walking towards Deidara.

"Are you trying to stick another one on?" His brother called to Deidara, who was panting at the bottom of the pole having failed his latest attempt to climb it once more. He didn't get a response so Sasuke held his hand out for the eye in question.

" _Sasuke_ ," Itachi rose his voice warningly, not wishing to stunt the only reasonably kind thing he'd seen his brother offer his friend, but also not wanting him to do what he knew he was about to.

Sasuke was already up and climbing the pole once he had the eye in his hand, reaching the top easily to stick it on next to the first. Itachi stared at him with wide eyes, wondering if he really _had_ woken up in a different universe as his brother jumped down and landed neatly on the floor.

"You can thank me later," he spoke smoothly as he walked past Itachi. "Now you can leave, right?"

Itachi watched him walk away without another word, finally turning his attention to Deidara. He was frowning up at the light, seemingly annoyed with something.

"I wouldn't have put it there, yeah," he muttered, opening his bag and pulling out a camera. Itachi had given it to him as a gift- he'd very quickly grown tired of Deidara forever wanting to sketch things while they were on the move, so he'd given him the camera as a compromise. He'd argued Deidara could take a snap of any moment he liked and sketch it later- Deidara had argued it wasn't the same. Itachi had won the dispute simply by pointing out he was the one with a driver's license and if Deidara was unwilling to compromise, he would find himself stranded in various places very quickly.

Itachi slipped thankfully back into the car, holding down the horn to get Deidara's attention- it worked, leaving Deidara to take a couple of photos and jump back into the front seat.

"It's been an hour and the drive is supposed to be fifteen minutes," Itachi pointed out, his tone less than amused as he started the car. "I've put the child lock on."

"Are you indicating I'm a child?" Deidara asked, folding his arms and clearly sulking.

"No," Itachi replied with the patience of a saint, pulling the car back out onto the main road. "I'm implying I want you to stay in the car so we can actually get to our destination _today_."

"Itachi?" Deidara spoke after a moment, his voice a low whine. "I think my knee's bleeding."

Itachi glanced at him out of the corner of his eye with an exasperated sigh. "You're not going to bleed to death in the five minutes it takes to get there."

"But it _hurts_!"

He _really_ should have left the idiot at home.

-.-.-

Itachi parked the car as close as he could when they finally arrived at the shopping centre- which apparently wasn't close enough, going by the whinging Deidara was doing about having to walk.

"You're the one who decided to swing off of traffic light poles," Itachi told him firmly as they got out of the car. "Now you're the one who needs to deal with the consequences."

Deidara perched himself on a nearby wall, checking out the damage done to his knee. It was bleeding as he suspected and he touched the skin around it gingerly, looking up at Itachi with eyes that clearly begged for sympathy.

"Alright," Itachi remarked after glancing at the wound and seeing it actually was in need of care. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Deidara looked up at him with wide blue eyes, attempting to look innocent as he stayed seated, covering the wound with a wince as the fabric brushed the graze.

"I'm not supporting you, you can walk," Itachi told him firmly, shaking his head. "You're bleeding, not an invalid. Come on, let's find the bathroom."

Spending time with Deidara really _was_ like parenting a child sometimes he realised, as Deidara walked behind him limping like he'd had a leg removed.

He found the bathroom close by, leading Deidara inside and instructing him to lean back against the sink. Dampening some tissue, he pushed it against the cut rather roughly. Deidara yelped and pushed him off, glaring as he did so.

"You don't have to do this, yeah."

"Don't worry about it," Itachi replied quietly, pushing back on the cut and holding Deidara's leg in place as he tried to squirm away. "It's easier if I do it."

Deidara seemed subdued for a moment, hissing and yelping slightly as Itachi cleaned up the blood. "How did I find you?" He asked when Itachi let up for a moment.

"What do you mean?" Itachi replied, not glancing up. It was obvious he wasn't referring to how they had actually met after all- he frowned slightly, feeling uneasy.

"You've done more for me in the last few months than anyone ever has."

Itachi finally looked up, eyes widened just slightly before he recovered and returned to the task at hand. "It doesn't take much to be polite and respect people," he remarked with a shrug.

"It's more than that, yeah."

Itachi froze at those words. "Is it?" He asked, his voice completely level even though inside he was in turmoil. Had Deidara worked him out? He glanced around, feeling trapped. There was no-where to run- something he begrudgingly agreed he did a lot when the conversation turned to him- but the discussion couldn't continue. Itachi had every intention of telling his friend how he felt but not until he was ready, and definitely not under anyone's terms but his own.

Besides, dropping the occasional hint was easier, even if it was the coward's way out. He grimaced mentally- it had taken a lot to admit he was simply unable to just open his mouth and _say_ it. It was an imperfection, even. He pushed the thought away, glancing up at Deidara. He had yet to elaborate, simply wincing in pain as Itachi pressed down unintentionally harder, distracted by his thoughts.

"Gentle, yeah?" Deidara bit out, leaving Itachi to let up slightly with a touch of guilt.

"This is actually pretty deep," he spoke up after a moment, a hint of concern in his voice. "Can't you restrain yourself a little sometimes?"

"You don't understand art," Deidara sulked. "Art is freedom- why would I want to restrain myself from it?"

"I may not understand art but I understand a needless wound inflicted through idiocy," Itachi replied, pulling himself to a stand. "It's not bleeding anymore but it'll be sore. I'm sure you'll live, though."

"Did you just call me an idiot?"

Itachi gave him a small, mildly affectionate smile. "In one context- possibly. Come on, let's go."

Deidara wasn't listening, it seemed. His gaze had fallen on something and Itachi had to follow his line of sight to find what. His dark eyes widened as he realised, working out what was about to happen moments before it did.

Deidara grinned and turned, putting a hand into his pocket and pulling out another set of googly eyes. He leapt forward, injury apparently forgotten, and stuck them to the mirror over the sink they were next to as he took out his camera.

"You'll get us arrested if you start taking photos in here!" Itachi hissed at him, pulling on Deidara's arm as he snapped the shot of the mirror.

"This is beautiful though, yeah," Deidara protested, taking another snap. "The reflection-"

"No, people will mistake you for a sex pest," Itachi tried to explain, attempting to take the camera from him.

"You're overreacting!" Deidara protested, pushing him off. "Why would they do that?"

"This is a public bathroom you idiot," Itachi reminded him sharply. "Why do you _think_ people might be uncomfortable with someone taking photographs in here?"

He received a blank look as Deidara snapped another photo defiantly.

"Use your head!" Itachi sighed, succeeding in taking the camera away.

"There's no-one in here but us anyway!"

"That doesn't make it alright- someone could walk in!"

Itachi took him by the arm and herded him out smartly, unprepared to feud about it any longer when he knew he was right. He practically threw the camera back at Deidara once they were stepping far, far away in the other direction.

"Can we go and buy a mouse now please?" He asked despairingly. "I think you've caused enough havoc today."

-.-.-

Itachi managed to get into the store and buy a mouse without any trouble- namely, without Deidara attempting to personify any more inanimate objects. He even managed to pick out a packet of guitar strings without any hassle, simply following Itachi's instruction on which to get. He had acted like an _adult_ , which was a rarity.

In fact, Itachi was so impressed with his good behaviour that he had bought him lunch.

"Itachi?"

Itachi glanced across at Deidara, who was twirling a small clump of hair nervously between two fingers- it was a habit of his when he got anxious, Itachi had noticed. They were sitting outside of a small cafe watching the world go past with a coffee and a sandwich- nothing fancy, but a nice enough moment spent together. All it needed now was for Deidara to stop being so quiet all of a sudden. Itachi had been happy at first that he appeared to have taken his advice and toned down his actions, but now he was just worryingly silent.

"What is it?" He asked when Deidara didn't continue to speak.

"Do..."

Deidara swallowed, twirling the hair faster and looking away. Itachi narrowed his eyes in concern, putting his coffee cup down.

"Out with it," he said, his voice kind.

"DoIannoyyou?"

Deidara had spoken so quickly Itachi almost missed what was said, and he took a moment to process it before shaking his head.

"No," he replied. "You're a little infuriating sometimes, but you don't annoy me."

"Not even with the art stuff?"

"Of course not," Itachi reassured him. "Your art means a lot to you. I don't really mind what you do if it keeps you happy and doesn't hurt anyone." He paused before deciding to add what he _really_ wanted to say. "I realised how much your art means to you the day I met you and you kissed me for it."

Deidara gave a strangled cry at that, twirling the hair so much Itachi was surprised the strands didn't snap. "Ah, that, yeah..."

He finally let go of his hair, letting it drop over his eye and tapping a hand anxiously on the table. A slight blush had spread across his cheeks and just as Itachi was about to pick up on it, he noticed Deidara's eyes glaze slightly. He was looking at something again- Itachi sighed, picking up his coffee cup. Some poor object was about to get attacked with a set of googly eyes, he was sure.

His coffee cup was wrenched from his hand and he hissed as some of the liquid splashed him. Deidara didn't seem to notice, sticking a set of angry googly eyes to the side of the cup and turning it to face Itachi.

"It's angry, yeah," he pointed out quite needlessly. Itachi glared back, feeling quite angry himself. "Because you're drinking its life. A cup's only purpose is to hold liquid, yet when you _drink_ the liquid you make the cup useless. So, the cup needs to always be full to be happy-"

" _Deidara_ ," Itachi interrupted, holding one hand out. "Give me back my coffee."

"But then you'll drink it."

"That's exactly what I bought it for."

"It'll be unhappy!"

" _I'll_ be unhappy if you don't give it back."

Deidara pushed it back across the table, frowning at Itachi. "You just don't get it do you, yeah?" He complained.

Itachi pulled the eyes off and stuck them to the table instead, taking a sip and averting his gaze. Deidara wasn't one to talk about not getting it, he decided. Stupid dense idiot.

-.-.-

He felt a little guilty for his thoughts and that guilt somehow manifested itself into a visit to the shopping centre art store and an instruction to Deidara to 'pick something, but please be sensible'. Out loud Itachi called it a gift- inwardly he called it an affectionate gesture. Sure, there may not have been much difference when you broke the two down but it made him feel less like a love-struck teenager either way.

Which he _was not_ \- he wasn't even a teenager anymore for a start.

He was _not_ watching Deidara tear around the store with a beaming smile on his face as he attempted to choose what he wanted.

He was _not smiling, no he was not!_

Okay, so maybe he was- but only a little bit.

"Did you find anything?" He asked when he'd been standing impatiently by the door for about twenty minutes in an attempted hint to the younger man to hurry up and make a decision.

"I can't decide, yeah," Deidara told him, holding a sketchbook in one hand and a set of paintbrushes in the other.

Itachi swiftly took both off of him and headed for the till- he was perfectly happy to just get Deidara both if it meant they could leave. It was close to four pm now and he really did want to get even just a little work done that night.

"Are you sure?" Deidara asked shyly, hovering by his side at the till. His eyes landed on something sitting on display at the till as he spoke and his eyes widened, not waiting for Itachi to answer as he leant past him and picked the display item up.

"No," Itachi said firmly.

"I'll buy them," Deidara protested, adding the item to his purchases.

It was a packet of googly eyes in different sizes and expressions, advertised as being on sale. Deidara grabbed another pack, unable to resist such a deal.

Itachi sighed in frustration- yet he paid for all the items anyway, shoving the bag in Deidara's hands and beckoning for him to follow. "We're going," he called over his shoulder as the blond caught up. "It's getting late."

Deidara kept quiet as they walked back to the car, clearly contemplating something as they walked. He grinned as Itachi got inside the car and ran around to the front of it, attaching a set of eyes to the front bumper.

Itachi beeped the horn and flashed the lights at him, causing him to jump. He quickly snapped a shot and clambered into the car, smiling to himself as he did so.

"Your car is happy now, yeah," he admonished with an accomplished nod.

"My car was perfectly happy without the addition of stick on eyes," Itachi replied, pulling the car out of the parking space.

Once they were home- in good time, with both parties present _and_ without stopping to stick ridiculous eyes to anything- Itachi stepped around to the front of the car. The eyes really did look happy and he smiled at the sight. Without even trying Deidara could be pretty adorable sometimes.

He stepped past the car and into the door, leaving the eyes attached. They weren't going to do any harm staying there, he decided, so why not just leave them?

-.-.-

The following morning Itachi stopped by his desk once more before leaving the room, wishing to double check that normality had been restored. His new mouse was sitting on the desk which was a good start, only it was once again sporting a pair of googly eyes. He laughed to himself at seeing them, smiling as he reached out to pick it up.

The smile quickly turned to a frown- googly eyes were one thing but what was _this_ new addition?

Deidara- of course it was him, there was no other suitable candidate- had soldered a pink pipe cleaner to the end of his mouse. He had deliberately picked a wireless one so Deidara couldn't give its 'tail' an impromptu trim, but it seemed the lack of said tail hadn't gone down very smoothly. Scowling, he tested the buttons- they still appeared to work so he dropped it gently back on the desk with a sharp sigh. Was it really worth fighting about this?

No, he decided, grabbing his dressing gown and heading from the room. There was no stopping Deidara when he was in an artistic mood. And really- did he want to rein in that side of his character? Itachi smiled, closing his eyes for a moment as he thought about it and settled on a firm no. While Itachi couldn't bring himself to be flawed, Deidara's imperfections were what made him perfect.


	5. Objectively Broken

The moment Itachi stepped out of bed and realised his clock wasn't working, he knew he was in for a bad morning. It was just an instinct- of course, it was probable that the batteries had run out but he knew better than that. Deidara had too much energy to expend on useless 'artistic creations' that drove Itachi to distraction for that to be the case.

He turned the clock over just to check if it still contained batteries- as suspected, they had been removed. He exhaled and fell back down onto the bed, wondering idly if it was worth actually bothering to get up at all. He had been feeling that way a lot lately, he noted with a hint of disdain.

He did so anyway, morbidly curious as to what outrageous explanation he was going to get this time. Pushing the bedroom door open, he tentatively stepped into through the hall and into the living room. Deidara was sitting at the table, writing something. That seemed harmless enough and rather surprisingly normal.

The room was... Quieter? He couldn't put a finger on it and he was mostly afraid to. Deidara didn't even acknowledge him, leaving him to walk into the even quieter kitchen to get a coffee.

He filled the kettle with water and turned it on, realising after a moment that it wasn't humming as it boiled. He turned to see the red light on the side dull with inactivity, clicking it on and off a few times in confusion.

"Deidara?" He called when it became apparent it wasn't going to work no matter how many times he flicked the switch on. "Did you break my kettle?"

"Read my assignment objectives, yeah. It's on the fridge."

Deidara was still furiously writing, seemingly deep in some kind of written portion of his apparent assignment. Itachi turned to the aforementioned appliance and tugged the note off of the door, not even bothering to try and read it. He couldn't- something he hadn't yet explained to Deidara.

"Can't you just tell me?"

Deidara glanced up at him, frowning and indicating the paper. "Are you blind? You're holding the paper it's written on."

"A little," Itachi responded with an awkward shrug, earning a curious frown from Deidara. "You hadn't noticed I wear contacts? I haven't put them in yet, so I can't read this."

"So you try to be perfect... But you don't have perfect vision?"

"The irony doesn't escape my notice," Itachi muttered, seating himself at the table with Deidara and letting the paper flutter uselessly down in front of them. "Explain."

Deidara put his pen down, seemingly annoyed with being interrupted. "I took the kettle lead away."

Itachi didn't want to ask why. He absolutely did not want to know, yet he asked the question anyway. "Why did you do that, Deidara?"

"My first assignment objective," Deidara explained- well, half-explained- with a shrug, picking up his pen again. Itachi ripped it from his hands, setting it down in front of him and shaking his head to indicate he wanted a better explanation. Deidara continued to ignore him anyway and he growled, snatching the note up and holding it close to his face to read it.

A physical manifestation of the word 'broken'

Actions, reactions, emotions

"A physical manifestation of broken," Deidara repeated, seeing the glare he was receiving and attempting to dispel it. "I decided on a broken home. Obviously not the usual meaning but rather... A broken home, yeah."

Itachi stared at him for a moment, quite unsure of how to react to that.

"I broke everything," Deidara clarified, reaching out and picking up his pen once more. Itachi snatched it up to stop him, holding it tightly enough to snap it in two.

"What did you break?" He asked.

"...Everything," Deidara repeated slowly. "I didn't literally break it though because I thought you'd be angry with that, so I improvised, yeah."

Itachi realised with a start what the quiet he had noted was- a glance around told him that not a single electrical appliance in the living room and, at a closer inspection, the kitchen was turned on. He opened the fridge, the light staying off as he did so, turning back to Deidara who was standing in the kitchen doorway looking sheepish.

"I..."

Itachi stopped. He didn't have any words to describe what he was thinking, but his mind selected some choice ones when Deidara disappeared and reappeared moments later with his camera, snapping a shot of him.

"Are you kidding me?" He finally snapped, turning round to the blond. "Don't take photos- put it right!"

"It's for my second assignment part," Deidara protested. "Actions, reactions and emotions! This is your reaction to your tragic broken home!"

"For heaven's sake, Deidara!" Itachi yelled at him. He prided himself on being a patient person who was difficult to anger so he took a deep breath, calming himself before he really lost his temper. "I'm going to take a shower," he said after a moment. "When I get out, I want it all back how you found it."

He stormed off, closing the living room door behind him just a little too harshly. Stepping into the bathroom he slammed the door and attempted to lock it.

The lock had been removed. Of course it had- Itachi had given up attempting to be surprised. He turned the shower on anyway, only to find it didn't actually turn on. He frowned, attempting to turn the tap on the sink on as well and finding the same result.

Had that idiot seriously turned his water off, too?

As he re-opened the door to ask just that Deidara was waiting, snapping another photo of him. Itachi blinked a couple of times and wondered somewhere on the edge of his consciousness if he was going to have to kill him before the day was over.

"I told you, everything's broken," Deidara told him. "I turned the water and electrics off, and I've hidden all the cables just in case. I've broken the door to the water cupboard-"

"You what?!"

"- so you can't turn it back on again, yeah."

The stupid little blond lunatic actually sounded proud of himself. Itachi leant back against the doorframe, quite unsure what to make of the entire situation and wishing he'd stayed in bed as he'd originally wanted to.

"Am I going to have to replace the door you broke?" He asked after a moment.

"I'll pay. It's a small price to pay to keep you ruining my art."

"Deidara," Itachi remarked, not impressed with how nonchalant the other was being about the situation. "You..." He slammed a hand to his forehead in frustration, not sure how to express what he was thinking. He was usually so articulate and Deidara had reduced him to a jabbering, incoherent mess.

Nothing new there then, his mind chided rather spitefully.

"It's clever though, yeah?" Deidara spoke after a moment.

Itachi stared at him in disbelief. He wanted praise now?

"I bought bottled water- it's in the fridge."

"The fridge that's switched off."

"Don't eat any of the food in there, you might get sick."

Itachi took a deep breath, mentally counting to ten.

"...Aren't you impressed, yeah?"

"I'm going to my brother's," Itachi finally spoke. "I'm going to borrow his shower and kettle and then I'm going out for the day."

"It's early- won't he be annoyed?"

"I'll take my chances," Itachi ground out through gritted teeth.

He grabbed a change of clothes and pulled his coat over his nightclothes- no point changing out them when he was only going a few streets down, he decided, and especially when he wasn't clean yet. He'd just have to drive there instead of walking and attempt to explain the situation to Sasuke.

Stepping out onto the main road, he stopped and studied his car. Something wasn't right. He hated that now-familiar feeling, turning to Deidara who was standing nervously behind him. He hadn't protested to him trying to leave yet, and there had to be a reason why.

The car was looking rather sorry for itself- Deidara had even swapped the ludicrous googly eyes Itachi had left on the bumper for sad ones. The tires were flat and Itachi suspected for how thorough Deidara had been, the petrol would have been siphoned out as well. A few drips of liquid on the floor around the area of petrol cap confirmed his suspicions.

"You have to be impressed? I thought of everything."

"I think..." Itachi started, slowly turning to Deidara with narrowed eyes. The vague hold he'd had on his temper vanished and he felt something inside his mind snap, glaring at his companion with exasperated eyes.

"What made you think this was a good idea?!" He demanded to know. "Did you honestly think I was going to be alright with you breaking everything I own and attempting to call it art you freaking idiot?! Think before you act, please, and spare us both the mayhem in future!"

Deidara squeaked and fled inside, leaving Itachi to stand and stare at the spot he'd been standing in. Well, he told himself, at least he hadn't sworn at him. He could still say he'd kept some restraint on his temper.

He stomped back inside and through into the kitchen, ignoring Deidara at the table. He grabbed a couple of bottles of water, heading into the bathroom and slamming the door- he'd just get as clean as he could with cold bottled water, get dressed and then vanish for the day.

-.-.-

When he felt suitably presentable he headed back to his living room, glaring at Deidara who was still writing at the table.

"You really are a lunatic," he told him, sitting down opposite him and taking his pen away once more. "You are crazy. But alright, I admit- it was a smart idea. Are you happy now?"

Deidara didn't reply, looking slightly hurt as he studied the paper in front of him. Itachi narrowed his eyes, wondering what he had to be offended about when he had just completely broken every fixture and appliance in Itachi's home?

"Denial," Deidara said quietly after a moment. "Anger. Acceptance. Three signature marks of someone having to deal with a broken home. It's funny how the feelings a physical broken home gives mirrors the feelings living in an actual broken home gives, yeah."

Itachi's eyed widened in realisation as Deidara took the pen back from his now-loose grip gently, biting his lip just a little too hard as he returned to his work. His hand was shaking, Itachi noticed, and he mentally kicked himself for reacting badly even if it was warranted.

"Deidara..." He said quietly, needing to say something to get the other's hand to stop shaking.

"I'm alright, yeah," Deidara responded, running the trembling hand across his eyes irritably. "Just let me work. I'll see you tonight."

"I'm not leaving."

"You should."

Itachi took the pen from him once more and threw it across the room, glaring at him sharply. Deidara simply glared back, folding his arms across the table and looking defiant.

"You don't talk about you," he said quietly. "So why would I talk about me?"

Itachi had to admit he had a point. "Alright," he nodded, getting up and heading into the kitchen. "We can run circles around each other until one of us snaps and opens up- that will be fine."

He grabbed a bottle of lukewarm water from the fridge and leant back against the counter instead of going back to Deidara, opening it and taking a sip. He hadn't meant to voice that last thought but it had happened anyway- it also implied that he had some talking to do, which he most certainly did not.

He sighed, closing his eyes and taking another sip of the water. Of course he had some talking to do, who was he trying to kid?

He yelped and opened his eyes as Deidara tilted the bottle he was drinking from, showering him in water. Coughing, Itachi put the bottle on the side and scowled at Deidara- he didn't seem to care, giving Itachi a bright smile and snapping a photo. He'd certainly cheered up, then.

"There isn't much to say," Deidara told him after a moment. "Bad childhood and all that- violent household, parents broke up because of it, got back together, broke up, blah blah blah. Why do you think I jumped at the chance to go to Europe? I needed to get out of there, though the police moved me into my own place when I got back and had no-where safe to go. Very dull and all over with now, yeah."

Itachi regarded him carefully, attempting to look past the blasé attitude Deidara was presenting to see if it was fake. It didn't seem to be, but the look in his eyes was certainly a bitter one.

"I'm sorry," he eventually settled on.

"It's alright," Deidara shrugged. "I guess you could say it's why I don't like being alone, yeah. The bad memories always catch up. Europe was a nice distraction- my mother managed to save up and help me pay for it, too. We don't get on that well- I think she was trying to get me out of her hair or something, yeah." He laughed slightly before his eyes sombre slightly. "Dad got in the way of us getting to know each other."

"I understand," Itachi replied softly, closing his eyes to the memory of his own strained relationship with his mother.

"Are you going to tell me why you seem to know what I'm talking about?"

Itachi paused before taking his soaked shirt off, earning a raised eyebrow in response.

"You know trying to charm me into silence won't work, right?" Deidara finally spoke as Itachi stepped past him.

"You wish," Itachi called seductively over his shoulder, very much hoping Deidara would respond with a positive so he could carry on flirting and possibly even- wait, no, he stopped his mind before it headed on a one way track to perversion.

Deidara scampered after him, following him into the bedroom where Itachi was rifling through the wardrobe for a new top.

"You have to tell me something now," Deidara pointed out. "About you."

"You found out I'm short sighted today, isn't that enough?" Itachi protested. He had no intentions of sharing anything of relevance.

"Just do it, yeah."

Itachi thought for a moment before turning around, slipping a new shirt on as he did so. "I was trying to seduce you into kissing me again."

Deidara stared at him with wide eyes, cheeks slightly red before he burst out laughing. "Nice response, yeah," he acknowledged. "I get it, I won't ask again. I wasn't expecting such a quick come back from you though- I'm impressed."

"You know me," Itachi sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed and deciding not to push it any further. "Always the joker."

"You should open up some time though," Deidara prompted.

Itachi simply fell back, exhaling and staring at the ceiling. "Who knows, it'll happen when you least expect it," he replied, careful to keep the bitter edge out of his voice that wanted to be there.

Deidara snapped a photo of him before falling back on the bed next to him. "I'm not in a hurry to go anywhere," he admitted with a shrug. "Except perhaps out for the day- I agree staying in a broken house is going to be pretty boring, yeah."

"Perhaps you should have thought of that before you tampered with all my stuff. Why did you take my photo anyway?"

"My second assignment."

"What action, reaction or emotion? I'm just lying on a bed."

"You're upset about something. I don't see that in you very often," Deidara shrugged.

Itachi sat upright, giving him a curious glance. "No I'm not."

"Sure you are," Deidara protested, waving a hand dismissively at him. "I'm sorry I asked about your past, yeah. I didn't mean to offend you."

Itachi fell back down next to him again, closing his eyes. If that was what Deidara wanted to think then fine, let him do so. Apparently he couldn't take a hint even if it hit him in the face.

"Itachi?"

Deidara was lying so close to him that when he spoke, Itachi could feel the heat of his breath on his neck. He resisted a shudder, simply turning so their eyes met instead. Deidara was looking at him imploringly, seemingly not worried about their close proximity.

"What is it?" He asked when Deidara didn't respond, turning his gaze away to the bedspread with an anguished look in his eyes.

"Thank you for letting me get to know you as well as you have," Deidara finally responded quietly. "I can tell it isn't easy for you to do that, yeah."

Itachi shrugged, glancing back up at the ceiling. "Don't thank me for something like that."

"I don't see you treat anyone else the way you treat me," Deidara pointed out. "Except maybe Sasuke, but he's your family. I feel I should be thankful, yeah."

"Stop placing me on a pedestal," Itachi replied, feeling a little agitated at all the unnecessary praise. "I'm an introvert with a perfection complex. There's nothing special about that."

"You're my first-"

Deidara cut himself off, turning to look up at the ceiling instead. Itachi waited patiently for him to continue but the moment passed and Deidara sat upright, pushing himself off of the bed.

"I don't handle this sappy stuff well," he admitted, giving Itachi an awkward glance over his shoulder. "Shall we go out?"

"I don't care as long as it involves coffee," Itachi replied, pushing himself off of the bed as well. "Let's go."

First what?

He thought it over as they walked out onto the street, stopping dead in front of his car as he remembered it had been completely desecrated. Turning to Deidara he pointed at it and shook his head slowly.

"Why break my car?" He sighed. "It's not in the house. Surely it didn't count."

"I had to be thorough. I want a good grade after all."

"Right. That's clearly the most important thing here. Shall we gatecrash my brother? We can walk from here."

"Is that wise? Is he even going to let me into the house?"

Itachi thought about that for a moment before shrugging and indicating for Deidara to follow. "You know, I can't quite bring myself to care what he does to you," he declared. "He'll let me in and he has a working kettle."


	6. Ice Cream Interlude

"Who's hurt?"

"No-one," Itachi explained to his sleepy yet concerned brother. He'd answered the door in record time too, despite clearly having been roused from sleep by Itachi utilising one of Deidara's tactics and keeping his hand on the bell. "We just came to see you."

Sasuke blinked a few times, trying to process that information. "Came to see me?"

"That's right."

Sasuke blinked a few more times, leaning back against the doorframe. "At nearly seven in the goddamn _morning_?"

Itachi gave him a far-too-bright forced smile. "I thought you'd be awake...?"

Sasuke slammed the door in his face.

Itachi chuckled and knelt down, opening the letterbox and calling through it. "Come on Sasuke!"

"Go _away_."

"That went about as well as I expected," Itachi declared, standing back up and reaching into his pocket. "Unfortunately for my dear little brother, I have a spare key."

"What the hell do you _want_?" Sasuke snapped at them when they entered the house, standing at the end of the hall against the wall and glaring at them as they closed the front door.

"It's a long story," Itachi sighed, pushing Deidara forward. "Go on, explain what you did to my house you idiot."

Deidara looked sheepish, looking up to meet Sasuke's stern gaze with a nervous smile. "I... broke it?"

"I don't _care_ ," Sasuke sighed, waving a hand at them and heading off down the hall. "I'm going back to bed. Don't make too much noise and I won't care that you're here."

Itachi led him through to Sasuke's living room- Deidara had never visited the place before for obvious reasons and seemed suitably enthralled by it for some reason.

"What?" Itachi asked, noticing the look in his eyes.

"It's so different to your place," Deidara remarked, admiring the living room from the doorway. To Itachi it was nothing special- similar layout to his own, different colour scheme, more mess and still drawn curtains. He moved to open them, bathing the room in light and glancing round as Deidara elaborated from his post in the living room doorway.

"Your place looks like an IKEA showroom- Sasuke actually looks like he _uses_ his things."

"I'm not entirely sure if you're insulting me or Sasuke," Itachi replied shortly. He was naturally tidy and Sasuke wasn't- though he was mildly impressed that the room did actually look reasonably orderly that day. "You can come in get comfortable- he won't bite if you do."

"He has a temper, yeah."

"Yes- a temper you frequently deliberately flare. Why is today any different?"

"How do you guys have such nice places anyway?" Deidara changed the subject as Itachi made his way to the kitchen. He faltered in the doorway for a moment, clutching at the frame gently and not giving a response. Deidara noticed his change in demeanour, joining his side as he continued his walk into the kitchen.

"I'll tell you another time," Itachi finally replied, leaning against the worktop while waiting for the kettle to boil. "Coffee?"

"I'm fine. You're not though, are you?"

Itachi knew Deidara wasn't talking about his lack of caffeine, tightening his fingers around the lip of the worktop. "You're being annoying," he remarked brusquely, hoping Deidara would take it as a warning to back off.

" _Persistent_ , yeah. You're in a strange mood."

You _broke_ my _house_."

"No," Deidara disagreed with a shake of his head. "That isn't it."

"Deidara," Itachi growled warningly, turning his attention to the kettle as it boiled. Deidara took it from his hands, giving him an uncompromising glare and shooing him away.

"Go and sit down, yeah. Then we'll talk."

"You're not _getting_ it, are you?" Itachi sighed. "It's nothing important."

"So there's something?"

"Be quiet. I'm capable of making a cup of coffee too- you don't have to baby me."

"You're depressed not stupid, I get it yeah."

"I'm not depressed you idiot!"

Deidara handed him the coffee and shooed him again, walking back out into the living room. Itachi followed with a soft sigh, setting the hot drink down on the coffee table and sitting back on the sofa.

"Stop looking at me like that," he snapped irritably at Deidara, who was still glaring meaningfully at him.

"It's the lack of coffee, right?"

"Yes," Itachi sighed, closing his eyes in frustration and deciding that sounded like a reasonable excuse. "It's the lack of coffee."

"Then you _are_ addicted, yeah," Deidara laughed, giving him a good natured smile and seemingly satisfied.

Itachi could take the appearance of a coffee addiction over the truth- he was more upset that they hadn't been able to finish their conversation earlier than he wanted to be. Attempting to voice that wasn't a bridge he was willing to cross, however. In time, he told himself. He'd talk in time. He couldn't admire Deidara from a distance forever, after all.

When the coffee was cool he drank it, glancing across to Deidara as he did so. He looked rather tired- an observation that was proved correct when Deidara yawned and leaned against his shoulder as soon as he put his cup down, closing his eyes with a satisfied sigh. "His sofa is more comfortable than yours, yeah," he commented.

Itachi froze slightly, keeping his gaze on the coffee table in front of them. "You're lying on me, not the sofa."

Deidara shrugged and stayed where he was. "I'm tired," he complained. "It took nearly all night to break your house, yeah."

"Am I supposed to have sympathy?"

"I'm _tired_ ," Deidara complained again, attempting to get more comfortable on Itachi's shoulder.

"Sleep then. I'll move so you can lie down."

Deidara shook his head drowsily. "Your brother scares me, yeah. He might throw me out."

"He won't."

Deidara nuzzled against him slightly regardless, curling his knees up next to him. Itachi gave up fighting with him, letting him stay there and eventually resting his own head on Deidara's when he was asleep and wouldn't notice. He could smell the sweet scent of orange in his hair and could feel his soft, steady breathing against him. Why was he so sad still, then?

He sighed gently, pulling his arm out and gently circling the blond's shoulder with it. Deidara murmured something sleepily before curling up to Itachi's chest, seemingly not too worried about the closeness they were sharing.

It only served to make Itachi feel worse. If he didn't care how far could he take it, then? At least if Deidara shrugged him off he'd know where he stood.

"Not quite what I expected to see first thing in the morning."

He glanced up to see Sasuke in the doorway, looking a little more awake now. He had a towel around his neck, catching drips of water from his freshly washed hair.

"Couldn't sleep?" Itachi asked.

"No," Sasuke sulked, throwing himself down in the chair opposite the sofa. "I can't believe you woke me up to cuddle on my sofa with your boyfriend. What's up with that?"

"He's tired," Itachi commented, smarting from his brother's choice of words. "And he isn't my boyfriend."

"I forgot- you don't have a sense of humour do you?" Sasuke sighed at him. "So why are you here, then?"

"He broke my house for an art assignment," Itachi replied easily. "So my kettle doesn't work. Yours does."

"I see," Sasuke responded, even though he didn't really see at all.

Itachi glanced down at Deidara again, closing his eyes. He needed to talk to _someone_ about everything going on in his head and since that person wasn't going to be the man in question, his brother would be a reasonable choice.

"Can I talk to you about something?" He said quietly.

Sasuke gave him a concerned glance, sitting back in his chair. "Of course."

"Not here," Itachi murmured, gently nudging Deidara off of his shoulder until he was lying on the sofa. "Can we go for a walk?"

-.-.-

The walk became a trip to the local ice cream parlour a few streets away. Sasuke had expressed his distaste at such an establishment, but Itachi had ignored him- his brother didn't share his sweet tooth, so he would never understand the lure of such a store.

Itachi had bought vanilla ice cream and taken them to a table in the corner, pushing the sweet aside after one bite to lay his arms on the table and rest his head in them with an irritated sigh. Sasuke watched him carefully for a moment, unsure of what to do.

"I've got a part time job now," he said conversationally when it became clear Itachi wasn't going to speak. "They called yesterday to confirm I'd got it."

"You didn't mention you were going for a job," Itachi replied, pulling himself up again to look at his brother.

"It was a quick thing," Sasuke shrugged.

"What about studying for your exams? You're taking your GCSEs, Sasuke, you-"

Sasuke held a hand up to halt him. "I only have a few exams left before I'm done and I'm not going to be able to study very well if I can't pay my rent."

Itachi narrowed his eyes sharply. "Why would Dad withhold your money?"

"He happened to call on a night I'd just got home from the bar and was a little... Inebriated," Sasuke sighed, putting his elbow in the table and resting his chin on his palm. "Cue the lecture about being underage and throwing away my studies for social tendencies and all that, despite it being the first night I've been out in months thanks to studying."

"He has a point about being underage, though."

"You couldn't let it go could you?"

Itachi gave him a small, weak smile. "What kind of big brother would be if I did? Does he realise all he's doing is directing _more_ of your time into other ventures by having to get a job? That's ridiculous."

"It's ridiculous that he expects you to be the shining example of perfection, but he still does."

Itachi winced slightly at that- no matter how many times it might come up, the root of his complex was always a sore issue.

"I still think you should tell him to fuck himself and just get a job or something to cover what you need."

"It's not that simple," Itachi replied. He'd come out to get one problem off his mind and ended up with another- just typical. "And watch your language, you."

"Oh please, I'm sixteen not six. So tell me, why isn't it that simple?"

"It's the admittance of a flaw."

"A flaw?" Sasuke repeated, looking unimpressed. "I think you're being paranoid again."

"If I take your suggestion, Dad will stop my money as well. I'll have to work full time to cover the rent, my car and all the bills," Itachi explained. "If I work full time, I can't study anymore. If I can't go to college anymore, that's the worst imperfection anyone could see of me when I've been trying so hard."

"I see that," Sasuke sighed. "So ditch the car and move to a smaller place?"

"If I ditch the car I'll be limiting my job capability in the first place, making it harder to get the job I'd need."

"Not necessarily. I worked all my finances out and I'm going to manage, just about."

"You don't have a car and your place is cheaper than mine."

"So get a smaller place?"

"It isn't a risk worth taking when I'm happy to continue my studies to the best of my ability," Itachi concluded, not willing to admit he wasn't going to consider a smaller place because two people lived in his the vast majority of the time anyway.

He pulled his ice cream back over, noting it was slightly melted. Shrugging, he dipped his spoon in anyway- melted ice cream still tasted good, so he wasn't going to fuss about it.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Sasuke prompted softly.

"If I tell you this, you have to keep it to yourself, alright?" Itachi warned, glancing up from his ice cream.

"Of course I will."

"Don't even tell Naruto."

"I know the meaning of keeping something to myself, Itachi."

"I..." Itachi paused, not quite sure how to say it or if he even _wanted_ to. Admitting it would mean it was true and while he knew that, it made it more real and more of a problem. "I think I like Deidara," he eventually spoke, hoping he wouldn't need to elaborate.

"Well he's your friend, I should hope so."

"No, I mean..." Itachi eventually threw his hands up, not finishing the sentence and taking a bite of ice cream instead. Sasuke wasn't stupid- he could work out the blank.

"You're attracted to him?"

Itachi gave him a short nod, feeling a slight burn on his cheeks as he did so. There, the secret was out- that was the hardest part of the impending conversation out of the way.

"Of all the people you could fall for, did it have to be that moron?" Sasuke sighed heavily, looking unimpressed and continuing before Itachi could comment. "Does he know?"

"I wouldn't be here talking to you about it if he did."

Sasuke seemed to mull it over, eventually giving him an apologetic shrug. "Sorry," he replied. "I think it's something you're going to have to work out for yourself. I don't know him well enough to say how he'd react."

"I know, I'm not really asking for advice," Itachi admitted. "I just needed to _say_ it."

"Do you think he likes you as well?"

Itachi shrugged. "Unlikely, but Deidara's difficult to read- he kissed me the first time we met just to make his art better."

"You were curled up on the sofa when I came in- he's obviously comfortable with you so that's probably a good start."

"Not falling for him in the first place would have been a good start," Itachi muttered bitterly.

Sasuke gave him a sympathetic smile, snatching his spoon from him and stealing a bite of ice cream. "Not bad," he commented, nodding and handing the spoon back. "For ice cream anyway."

"Want some more?"

"No thanks. I don't like it _that_ much."

This was one of the things Itachi genuinely loved about his brother, he realised- he was so easy to talk to, and he knew the ideal time to change the pace of a conversation.

"I guess we both have blond idiots to follow us around now, huh?" Sasuke sighed, resting his chin in his palm again.

"At least yours doesn't vandalize your entire house."

"No but he takes the entire place over," Sasuke sighed. "I swear it's like a hurricane hitting my living room when Naruto turns up."

"Sasuke?"

"Mm?"

"Thanks."

Sasuke shrugged dismissively. "Don't thank me. Just let me know if you ever tell him, alright? I'll make you a cinnamon wedding cake."

"You're so tactful," Itachi sighed, taking the last bite of his ice cream. "We shouldn't stay out much longer- he'll probably wake up soon. I don't think he'll appreciate being left in your house by himself."

"We did leave a note."

"Yes, but he's terrified of you. You're so harsh with him."

Sasuke looked amused, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not _that_ bad, surely? He's not exactly very pleasant to me either."

"You're both as bad as each other," Itachi concluded, stealing the last sip of Sasuke's drink and standing up. "I can't believe he broke my house."

"Why don't you just get him to fix it all?"

Itachi laughed at that, shaking his head and indicating for Sasuke to follow him to the door. "This is Deidara- he's passionate about his art."

"Breaking your house is art?"

"Long story."

Sasuke opened the door for them to pass through, thinking that over for a moment before coming to a conclusion.

"If that's art then heaven help modern education."

Itachi smiled, throwing an arm around his brother's shoulder and giving him a quick squeeze. "Don't say that in front of Deidara," he warned. "He's very defensive."

"That sounds like an invitation," Sasuke replied with a wicked gleam in his eye. "What will happen if I do?"

"Fireworks," Itachi replied simply. "Sasuke? If you need any help or money, you just need to ask alright?"

"Thank you," Sasuke replied softly, giving his brother a rare smile. "And if you need someone to kill Deidara if he hurts you, just call."

That was Sasuke all over, Itachi sighed to himself. Volatile, headstrong and blunt but with a caring streak so strong it had to potential to overwhelm Itachi sometimes.

"I will," he agreed, squeezing Sasuke's shoulder one last time and finally letting his hand drop. He didn't suspect Deidara would ever intentionally hurt him, but he was happy to let Sasuke swear to protect him in case he did. That was just how their sibling bond worked and he wouldn't have had it any other way.


	7. Can't You See What I See?

"Did you deface the mouse?"

"I took the pipe cleaner-"

"Tail."

Itachi sighed at the interruption, spinning his desk chair around to face Deidara who was currently lying on his bed. " _Tail_ , then. I took it off because it was difficult to use with it attached."

"Should I attach it the other side?"

"Can't it just be a mouse without a tail?"

Deidara snorted in mild disgust. "A mouse without a tail wouldn't have any balance, yeah."

"You know it's not a real mouse, don't you? I wonder sometimes," Itachi remarked, putting the mouse in question back on the desk.

"It's not like you use it often anyway since you have to write most of your work by hand," Deidara argued. "You could have left it."

"I've liberated it from the clutches of its own tail. Is that an artistic enough way of saying it was annoying me?"

"It's not artistic but I'll give you recognition for trying, yeah."

At some point in the last few days they had ended up gravitating into Itachi's bedroom in the evenings- Deidara would lie on the bed and Itachi would sit at the desk, spending the evenings simply enjoying each other's company as usual but in a different location. He'd also stopped going back to his place at one point Itachi couldn't pinpoint a timeline for, leaving once every couple of weeks to check on it more than anything.

"Do you miss sleeping in a real bed?" Itachi asked after a few quiet moments, noticing Deidara now had his eyes closed and looked rather comfortable. He'd been doing it each night they ended up in the bedroom and Itachi was beginning to wonder if there was an ulterior motive for Deidara initiating their time being spent there now.

"Sometimes," Deidara admitted, opening his eyes and meeting Itachi's. He looked tired, Itachi noticed with a frown, regarding him with concern- Deidara through his own admission usually didn't need much rest, so seeing him so tired quite early in the evening was a surprise.

"Do you want to catch an hour there?" Itachi offered. "I've got a lot of work to do this evening anyway."

"I impose enough as it is without stealing your bed," Deidara replied, turning onto his side and sitting half upright. "I'd invite you to some to my place sometime but, well... You know, yeah. I hate it."

"I know," Itachi confirmed with a small nod, turning back to his desk. "It's alright. Get some rest, Deidara."

Deidara didn't argue anymore, lying back down and closing his eyes. Itachi kept quiet, grabbing a pen and some paper from the drawer in his desk and switching the main room light to his desk lamp. He hoped it would be enough light for him to work by without straining his eyes, putting a subconscious hand to the dark frame of the glasses he was wearing.

Usually he'd been able to retreat to the bedroom late at night citing sleep, remove the contacts and switch to the frames to finish the last of his studies. That had changed when he'd fallen asleep with the contacts in the first night Deidara had come in for the evening and paid for it the next morning, making him more aware of remembering to switch over to frames even with the other's company. Deidara had told him they suited him, which instantly put him a little more at ease.

The idea of Deidara asleep on his bed was a pretty nice one, he noted with a small smile as he ran his eyes up and down his half-asleep friend. Maybe he would be bold and curl up with him sometime.

He was interrupted half an hour or so later by the phone ringing and he glanced up at it in surprise. Deidara was asleep behind him and he'd spoken to Sasuke earlier in the evening- it was unlikely to be his brother calling again, so that left him out of immediate options for who it was.

He snatched it up quickly, not wanting to leave it ringing and risk waking Deidara. "Hello?"

"Hello, son."

"Ah... Hi, Dad."

Itachi closed his eyes to the sound of his father's voice, troubled- had it been a while already? He felt it hadn't really been long enough. Sasuke mentioning that he'd been called should have been a tip off, he realised with disdain.

"You haven't called. Have you been busy?"

"You know how college is," Itachi replied dismissively. "I have to keep on top of these things."

"Of course," his father said quietly. "I'm sorry if I interrupted your studies."

Was that it? Itachi felt almost giddy- he actually sounded like he was going to hang up!

"How have you been handling your coursework, then?"

So much for that theory.

"Fine," Itachi replied, his voice slightly clipped. He didn't want to get into that conversation right then- not when he had just started to relax even if it was just a tiny bit thanks to Deidara's influence. He had convinced himself that his taste for coffee was a quirk, not an imperfection, and had _believed_ it. That was a huge first for him.

"You are achieving the best you can?"

"Of course."

"You aren't getting distracted by social idiocies and ridiculous love conquests?"

"No."

"Sasuke mentioned you'd been hanging around with someone."

Itachi felt his heart leap into his throat- what was Sasuke doing discussing him and Deidara in the first place? He knew he needed to come up with an answer- something, _anything_. The guilty silence was deafening.

"Yes," he finally replied. "Just a friend."

"Your brother said he was..." The sharp exhale, the pause, the palpable disapproval in the air- Itachi knew whatever was coming, it wasn't positive. "An _artist_."

"He is," Itachi nodded, before adding an afterthought. "He's a very good one, too."

"Sasuke didn't seem to think very highly of him."

"Sasuke is jealous. I hear you and he had a falling out?"

"The boy is falling off the rails," his father snapped, sighing and sounding as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. "I worry about him. I imagine he told you about the situation I've put him in."

"Yes."

"It will teach him where he should be setting his attention- not on underage social activities and certainly _not_ that idiotic blond lad he hangs around with."

"Naruto is a perfect influence for Sasuke," Itachi responded mildly.

"Just like your artist is for you?"

Itachi couldn't bring himself to say yes, no, or in fact anything at all for a few brief moments. How could he honestly answer that? He couldn't even answer it himself.

"Why were you talking about me in the first place?" He asked instead, regretting it the moment the words left his mouth. It sounded suspiciously like backchat- something only Sasuke did. Not perfect, faultless Itachi.

"I asked him how you were doing. You needn't sound so affronted- you're the one who refuses to call and tell us yourself." He paused for a moment before quietly adding something Itachi didn't want to hear. "Your mother has been concerned, son."

Itachi bit his tongue to a rather impolite comment regarding his opinion of his mother. It was no secret their parents played favourites as they grew up- his father with him, and his mother with Sasuke. Thankfully he and Sasuke weren't angry with one another over it, but it had definitely damaged the relationship with the opposing parent.

Sasuke didn't care for their father's attention because he never got much of it in the first place. The void left by such negligence had been filled by their mother's unconditional time and attention- Itachi tried not to be bitter about it, he really did, but it did take a lot of effort to keep his mouth closed about his mother's so-called 'concern' when he guessed it was either fake or born of guilt.

"You know I'm busy," he protested weakly instead when he realised he'd been silent just a little too long.

"I understand, son. Just promise me you'll excel and keep up with your studies."

"I am."

"Make sure this _artist_ doesn't lead you astray, Itachi," his father warned. "What kind of subject is art in the first place? Who would care to try and make a living from something so unstable and fickle?"

Itachi himself had thought something similar, but he knew differently now. Deidara had no intention of making a living from his subject of choice- he was simply enjoying it and making things up as he went along and if he landed a career out of it, he'd be happy. Itachi only wished he could be similar sometimes.

"I'm doing fine," he reassured.

"Good. I expect no less from my perfect son."

Perfect son, perfect grades, imperfect attachments. Itachi bit back the disappointment he was feeling at _himself_ and stayed silent, letting his father try to fill the gap.

"I'll let you study in peace," his father finally spoke. "Good night, son."

"...Good night."

Itachi disconnected the call, setting the phone back in the cradle next to him and leaning back in the chair to stare at the ceiling. Even though he knew his father was the reason behind his perfection complex there was no way he could shrug it off now it was so deeply ingrained. Every sparse call he shared with his father reinforced it and made him try even harder- even when he'd already been trying more than his best.

Had he been slipping? Had Deidara been leading him astray with his talk of gardens and relentless energy for strange artistic ventures? Did he count as a social idiocy?

...Did he count as a love conquest? No, Itachi decided, but he was all of the rest which made him a failure regardless.

"You never mentioned your Dad, yeah," Deidara spoke sleepily behind him, causing him to turn around sharply. "You didn't sound too pleased to hear from him either."

"Sore subject," Itachi replied pointedly, turning back and picking up his pen once more. His hand ached as he gripped it tightly to make sure he formed every single letter correctly- this was why he hated calls from his father, he told himself. They made him horribly obsessive about the smallest things and sprang a whole bunch of imperfections he hadn't previously seen for a while out of nowhere at him.

His hand was trembling slightly and he stopped, noticing the letters on the word he was currently writing were slightly shaky because of it. He ran a line back through it, tapping the pen on the page and trying to resist what he wanted to do next.

He couldn't. He _tried_ , but he found himself running a line back through the entire sentence. One word wrong- one _letter_ wrong- and it ruined the whole sentence. But, now his page had an unsightly, imperfect line on it and he screwed the paper up angrily, not noticing the concerned look Deidara was giving him behind him.

He started again. Three paragraphs later, he screwed that piece of paper up too. Again. And again.

"Itachi?"

"What?!" He snapped, glaring round at Deidara.

"If you're having problems with it just do it tomorrow, yeah," Deidara suggested, looking concerned still. If he minded the other's irritable conduct, he didn't show it.

"I'm not having problems with it," Itachi replied evenly.

"What did he say?" Deidara finally asked quietly. "I know you said-"

"Stop talking," Itachi told him, screwing up another piece of paper. "I don't want to keep re-doing this because you can't shut up."

Deidara opened his mouth to respond before closing it, looking troubled but lying down back down without a word.

-.-.-

The sensible part of Itachi's mind was telling him he needed to go to sleep- it had been nearly one am when he'd last checked the clock and to hide that fact he had taken it out to the front garden and smashed it. Deidara would be proud, he had thought idly- perhaps he'd call it artistic expression or something equally ridiculous. Itachi called it losing his temper fully for the first time in quite literally years. It had felt pretty good, too. He'd shown that perfect little clock just who was better- he was _above_ time.

He wasn't anywhere near finished, but he was starting to run low on paper. How had this happened? How had he let himself instantly revert back to his old standards of perfection just by being in contact with his father for brief minutes?

Even though he didn't appear it to others, he was a lot less perfect now than he had once been. He'd managed to iron out the more over the top things like having to rewrite entire pages because of one slight mistake, telling himself a simple cross through and continue was alright a few years ago. Sometimes it came out in him on the occasional piece of work, but not as badly as this.

Was it Deidara? He found himself writing faster, telling himself to slow down so he didn't have to rewrite it all again- he'd nearly reached the bottom of this page as well.

He needed _sleep_.

No, Itachi told himself. He didn't _need_ sleep. Somehow he'd manage to convince himself that needs were non-existent, rating them as desires he could ignore instead. As a result he'd skipped dinner and hadn't even bothered with coffee despite the late hour. Rationally, he knew he was being unreasonable with himself- no, he was acting _stupid_ in fact, but that knowledge didn't help him do anything about it. It was like a curse, taking over every sense and choking him into simply staying quiet as he continued to write, write, _write_.

"You're still up?"

He turned round to see Deidara sitting up, blinking sleepily at him in the soft light of the room. Itachi kept his eyes on him for a moment longer than he wanted, taking in his mussed, loose hair and sleepy demeanour. He liked half-asleep Deidara, he decided. He'd have to be awake before him more often.

This was exactly what his father was talking about! Here he was, having inappropriate thoughts about his friend when he should be getting on with his work.

"I'm not done," he finally replied, turning back to the paper.

Deidara slipped off of the bed, walking over to Itachi's side and snatching the pen from his hand. "Sleep," he demanded, frowning worriedly at him.

Itachi stared at the paper in contempt- he was rather glad he was only a couple of lines in on it, since the pen's swift removal from his hand had caused the page to gain a large blue line across it in Deidara's direction. He simply screwed it up and threw it to the rather-full looking trashcan nearby- of course, it landed in perfectly.

"You're worrying me," Deidara said simply. "Get some sleep. I'll get off your bed now, yeah."

"I said I'm not done."

"It's..." Deidara's voice faltered as he noticed the clock was missing. "It's got to be late," he decided instead. "You're going to be tired tomorrow."

Itachi didn't have another pen so he couldn't continue like he wanted, so he simply glared at Deidara instead. "Go back to sleep yourself."

"I'm awake now. Do you want a coffee?"

"No I do not," Itachi replied hurriedly, turning back to his work.

Deidara shrugged, heading out of the room to the kitchen instead. Itachi watched him go, feeling torn. He needed to stay and finish his work but he also needed to put a stop to Deidara attempting to make him coffee. He was still struggling with convincing himself his taste for the beverage was a quirk again and besides, caffeine was desirable. _Not_ needed, despite what Deidara thought.

He gave up the internal fight, standing and quickly making his way to the kitchen in time to see Deidara picking up the boiling kettle, glancing at Itachi as he stalked inside.

"If you're going to make me coffee, don't even think about it," he told Deidara forcefully, leaning back against the worktop and folding his arms crossly.

"You looked exhausted, yeah," Deidara responded firmly. "If you're going to insist on staying up, you need caffeine."

"I'm fine and you're fussing about nothing," Itachi protested. "I don't need sleep and I certainly don't need coffee. I don't _need_ anything."

Deidara eyed him curiously, unsure of how to tackle the issue that was clearly at hand. He had no idea what had transpired on the phone but he was absolutely certain by now something definitely _had_.

"You apparently have a _need_ to pretend you don't have needs," he said slowly.

Itachi glowered at him, pursuing his lips and averting his eyes. "You aren't helping."

"What's going on?" Deidara asked gently after they'd stayed in tense silence for what he felt was long enough. "Your Dad said something earlier, didn't he?"

Itachi didn't dignify him with a response.

"I speak fluent pissed off Uchiha by now," Deidara commented sharply. "It's all your brother speaks, yeah. That means yes. What was it?"

"Can't you just go back to sleep and let me get on with my work?" Itachi demanded, still not meeting his eye.

"I'm not stopping you. You're the one that chased me out here."

Itachi took the hint and headed back to his desk, grabbing the discarded pen Deidara had thrown and sitting back down. He couldn't bring himself to put it to the blank paper however, holding a hand to his forehead gingerly in a vain attempt to push back the headache he was experiencing. Exhaling, he forced his hand to the paper and began to write once more, pointedly ignoring Deidara as he slipped back inside the room and placed a coffee down next to him.

"What happened to your clock?" Deidara asked as he sat on the edge of Itachi's bed. "It's missing."

"I smashed it."

Deidara blinked, apparently unable to comprehend that piece of information. "The clock?"

"That's right."

"I've done some pretty annoying things and you've never lost your temper with me, yeah. What did the poor _clock_ do to you?"

Itachi set the pen down on the desk begrudgingly, closing his eyes and breathing deeply to offset the ringing in his ears. He couldn't concentrate as it was without Deidara talking his ear off about such useless things.

"Did you eat this evening?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You look terrible, yeah. If you're going to insist on pulling an all nighter, at least take a break."

"I took a break," Itachi responded- it was only half a lie, since he considered following Deidara out the room as a break.

"If that was true you wouldn't be so stressed. Just stop and have a coffee with me, yeah."

Itachi restrained his temper before he lost it, spinning around in the chair to face Deidara with the perfect mask in place. "I'm fine," he said diplomatically, his voice cleverly monotone. "I would appreciate being left to finish my studies in peace."

Deidara stared at him, rising confusion on his face before he burst out laughing. "Itachi, are you kidding?" He chuckled. "You do realise your act doesn't work on me? You sound just like when we first met, but I know better now. You keep touching your head- do you need painkillers?"

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't need anything?"

"Are we really going to go around in circles with this?" Deidara sighed. "You're lying and I don't believe you, yeah. Now drop it and start being honest with me- what the _hell_ happened? I've never seen you like this and you're worrying me."

"It's just an overdue assignment."

"I'd be surprised if you even know the meaning of the word 'overdue', Itachi. Your coffee's going to get cold."

Itachi stood and picked the coffee cup up, heading to the window with it. Deidara watched, mildly amused as he threw the contents out and turned back with an even look in his tired eyes.

"I'm not going to be polite about this anymore. Get out and let me continue."

"And let you self-sabotage like this? Give me a break, yeah."

"I don't want to lose my temper with you. Leave."

Deidara finally rose from the bed, giving him one last glance before quietly leaving as requested. Itachi sank back into chair and laid his arms across the desk, resting his head in them with a sharp sigh of pain. He needed to get his head straight so he could continue and not let Deidara rile him into a fight about the issue- he pushed away the single sensible thought in his mind that suggested he was overreacting on a ludicrous level to pick his head up and grasp the pen lightly once more.

The thought of attempting to put pen to paper made him feel like crying, so he hurriedly dropped it once more. How was he supposed to concentrate when his traitorous body wouldn't let him continue without demanding things he was unwilling to give time for?

He didn't glance up as the door opened, re-admitting Deidara with a glass of water and two white pills. He put them down gently on the desk next to Itachi, giving him a pleading look.

"I want you to have them," he asked gently. "Please. Don't do this to yourself."

If he hadn't felt like crying before Itachi definitely did then, feeling instantly guilty for his conduct that evening. He grabbed the painkillers thankfully and took them before he could change his mind, watching Deidara kneel down on the floor next to him with a soft sigh.

"I know you're just trying to help," he commented softly, his tone hollow as he couldn't muster the energy to inject anything into it. "I don't mean to be difficult."

Deidara shrugged dismissively. "Just tell me what's going on and stop lying to me, yeah. I told you about my family- maybe you could tell me about yours."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But that's the problem?"

Itachi hesitated before nodding in response.

"Can you continue to be honest with me? Have you been here sitting all night screwing up a rainforest of paper trying to do whatever it is you're working on?"

Itachi nodded once more, averting his eyes down to the blank page in front of him. "I keep making mistakes," he admitted in a whisper.

"Lie down and rest."

It was an order- one Itachi wanted to resist but he found himself getting up and falling onto his bed regardless, slipping his glasses off and placing them gently on the side. Deidara gave him a thankful smile before leaving him alone, seemingly content with having made progress at least.

Itachi buried his face in his pillow once the door clicked shut. Sleep was _desirable_ , yet he stayed fully clothed on the bed with his head in his pillow that smelt lightly of Deidara, trying to focus on the sound of his own breathing.

He flipped over onto his back after a while, staring up at the ceiling and biting his lip while deep in thought. He jumped after a few minutes of silent staring, startled as he felt wetness trickle down the side of his face and tickle the edge of his ear. He wasn't crying, he told himself firmly as he brushed it away, because that was one of the biggest flaws he could have.

He covered his face with the crook of his elbow, feeling slightly dizzy with fatigue. The side of his face was wet again, he noted with contempt, pulling himself to a sitting position instead after a minute or two. He wasn't going to lie there not-crying all night so he slipped off the bed to take a shower.

Once he was showered, dressed and presentable he headed back to the living room. Deidara was sitting on the sofa intently sketching, giving him a single nod of acknowledgement before turning back to his work. Itachi sat down on the floor next to the sofa, feeling that settling next to him would disturb him so he watched instead with his knees curled to his chest.

He somehow convinced himself that making a cup of coffee wasn't going to be such a terrible thing- though he refused to admit it was because fatigue was attempting to force his eyes closed. With it in his hands, he sat back down on the floor next to the sofa and leant back against it gently, curling his longer fingers around the cup gratefully. So much for it being a quirk- it was definitely in the realm of imperfection. Everything he had attempted that night was. Did it really matter so much?

He put his cup down and buried his head in his knees. Yes, it mattered. It had always mattered and probably always would. He was the personification of perfection, only he was so flawed he couldn't see it. Irony at its finest, he decided, ignoring the imperfect dampness on his knees.


	8. Yin and Yang

Itachi blamed his sleep deprived brain. He'd blame Deidara but for once he had nothing to do with _this_ stupid decision. No, Itachi himself had quite willingly decided to attend college despite his high stress levels and lack of sleep. Deidara had tried to convince him otherwise, but Itachi explained once again about his perfect attendance record and the other had given up trying to argue against him.

He was alert. He would thank the coffee he'd been grudgingly drinking for it, but he knew the real reason was the splitting headache, dizziness and nausea that he was attempting to bite back. It was very difficult to want to fall asleep when you were more worried about either passing out or throwing up, after all. The painkillers he'd taken earlier had well and truly worn off and he hadn't thought to take any more to college with him.

He tapped a pen lightly on the desk as a distraction, glancing at the clock on the wall with an irritated sigh as he put an elbow on the table and leaned his face against his hand. Half past nine? Was that all?

Would his classmates be too shocked if he asked to get some fresh air? Probably, he reasoned. Should he care about that? Probably not. _Did_ he care? Well, of course he did, and it kept him at his desk. He pushed his fingers to the corners of his eyes and willed the thudding in his head away.

"Itachi?"

He pulled his hand away, feeling all eyes on the room fall to him. He looked up at the teacher, raising a perfect eyebrow in question with no trace of the emotion he had been feeling on his face.

"Are you alright? You don't look very well today."

"I'm fine," Itachi answered smoothly, his voice leaving no room to argue. Cover the cracks and pretend they weren't there- he was fine. He was.

The teacher seemed satisfied with the answer, turning his attention away but there were still some eyes on him. Gazing at him- _judging_ him? Seeing through his facade and seeing the imperfect layers beneath the surface? He closed his eyes, trying to still the paranoid thoughts before they broke him into pieces before them all- he _needed_ to sleep. He was almost feeling proud of himself for allowing such a small victory over his thoughts.

As much as he wanted to, he could hardly put his head down on the desk and sleep. The teacher might not be able to overlook a fault of that level and would have to scold him- it would create a conflict in the guy's mind about why faultless little Uchiha Itachi was exhibiting signs of imperfection in his classroom.

Perfect. Itachi had found himself absolutely _despising_ that word recently.

He mentally snapped himself back to reality, forcing himself to look in the direction of the teacher and at least look like he was listening. A quick glance around told him he was no longer being watched, which he was thankful for as he took a couple of deep breaths and calmed his racing heart.

He just had to get through this one class and then he could go home and sleep, he told himself. Only deep down he knew it wasn't true- as he'd told Deidara countless times he'd never taken a day off sick, he'd never skipped a single class- he'd never been anything but one hundred percent _perfect_ in attendance so taking a sick day was impossible.

How had he even allowed this to happen? Going to sometimes ridiculous lengths to stay the perfect being he knew couldn't exist? Perhaps it would have been easier to blend into the shadows of the people around him and just have allowed himself to make mistakes right from the start.

He closed his eyes tightly, aware that he _needed_ to get out of the room. His heart was racing and he was struggling to stop himself from breathing heavily to control the overwhelming nausea- it was being made worse by panic, and the panic was caused by the idea he might have to leave in the first place. It was just one big circle and he needed to break it.

Of course, he couldn't bring himself to raise his hand- he could have cried right then, audience to it be damned. He ran a hand up into his hair, clutching at it, tearing at it, mussing the tied ponytail as he did so. Imperfect.

He needed Deidara.

It was a sudden thought and he couldn't push it away. _He needed Deidara_.

"Itachi...?"

He glanced up with wide eyes, hand halting mid-tug on his hair as he did so.

"You're very pale," the teacher said, looking concerned. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I need air," Itachi spoke, his voice tight. People were looking! They were _looking_ damn it! They could see the cracks, the flaws, and they would see he wasn't perfect perfect _perfect_ -!

"Go on," the teacher nodded, indicating the door. "If it doesn't make you feel any better, go home. Take care, Itachi."

Itachi grabbed his bag and practically ran from the room, closing the door behind him and leaning back against it. He was gasping for breath- blind panic ringing in his ears and making him feel as though he was dying, prompting him to bite it down and fixate on the lights on the ceiling to bring himself back to normal.

When he'd recovered enough that he felt he could walk he took off, his body moving almost by itself towards the art department. Which room would Deidara be in? He would be in the middle of a lesson- could Itachi really pull him out of it to satisfy his own petty need for comfort?

Once he was in the right place he glanced through each open door, hoping to find Deidara in one. He had no idea how he was going to get him out of the class, but as he checked another open classroom he was thankful to realise he didn't have to worry.

Deidara was in the classroom where they had first met, alone with the door open as he washed some brushes out at the sink. The radio was on in the background, low enough to be heard but not loud enough to be obnoxious, set to a generic pop station. Itachi stepped into the room, closing the door gently behind him.

Deidara turned at the sound, looking curiously at his new visitor. "Itachi? Shouldn't you be in class?"

When he didn't get a reply Deidara frowned, drying his hands and flicking off the radio. Padding across the room, his curiosity turned to concern as he noticed just how on edge and panicked Itachi was as he clawed nervously at the wall next to him.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine."

Itachi had spoken, and he hadn't fallen to pieces doing so. He was rather proud of the effort that had taken but then again, he was perfect. Of course he was capable of keeping his emotions in check even at the most inopportune times, even if his treacherous hand was giving him away.

He dropped his bag on the floor, heading to one of the worn, long desks and hopping up on top of it. He was going to sleep, he told himself, right there on the solid wooden table. Would it be considered imperfect to do so? He almost slipped off of it again and rethought the idea, stopped only by Deidara's hand on his shoulder.

"Itachi..."

Itachi roughly shrugged his hand off, lying down on his side and resting his head on his arm. He brought his loose hand up to his hair, gliding his fingers through it in a steady rhythm in an attempt to stop himself from breaking. Fingers in, glide through, remove; keeping in time with his shaky breathing. Twisted yet _perfect_.

"Go and work," Itachi told Deidara quietly when he realised he was simply staring at him. Deidara hesitated before stepping away to the easel he had been working on, picking up his pencil with a concerned look in his eyes.

Despite how tired he was Itachi still couldn't fall straight to sleep, feeling exposed and vulnerable. Deidara was studying him just a little too intently, clearly disinterested in his work.

"I'm not perfect," he found him uttering.

Deidara put the pencil down immediately and stepped back over to him, jumping up onto the desk next to him once more.

"What's going on?"

"I'm _not perfect_ ," Itachi repeated, looking up at him with anguished eyes.

Deidara didn't answer, still sitting wordlessly at Itachi's side with his hands clasped together tightly. He finally broke the gaze and trained his eyes to the floor, looking subdued.

"I-"

Itachi stopped himself from repeating the words once more, feeling a tear track silently down the side of his face as he closed his eyes to the blur he'd been trying to ignore. He left it- a sign of his imperfection. Was Deidara going to walk away and leave him there now he was flawed, he wondered?

"So what?"

Deidara had finally spoken, and he hadn't said what Itachi had been expecting.

"It's just a word," Deidara continued. "It only means what you want it to."

"Don't you care?"

Deidara laughed slightly at that, slipping down off of the desk. Itachi guessed as he walked away that he was attempting to show that his sudden breakdown could be considered completely normal and wasn't disturbing him in any way.

"Itachi," Deidara said softly once he was back at the easel with his pencil in hand. "I like you more when you're imperfect, yeah." He paused, clearly wondering whether to add something- he put the pencil back to paper, nodding as he chose to speak. "It's like beautiful art. It's raw- why would I care?"

Itachi couldn't bring himself to respond, running a hand across the side of his face to dry the stray tears and exhaling shakily. The classroom door was unlocked. He figured it probably didn't even _have_ a lock. _Deidara was there_. There were so many reasons to keep himself together and yet he failed.

"Deidara," he spoke, his voice hitching as he did so.

It was a request. He had only spoken his name but it was a clear appeal for comfort. Deidara practically dropped the pencil he was holding and stepped over to Itachi, sitting back on the table next to him and laying a gentle hand on his side.

"I'll stay."

Itachi was unsure whether he meant he would stay by his side, stay in the room, or even whether he meant he'd stay his friend- it was the confirmation he needed to finally let go as he wept brokenly into the crook of his arm.

Deidara did as he promised, staying right where he was with one hand poised on Itachi's side. He said nothing and did nothing, but it was enough. It was all Itachi needed.

-.-.-

He awoke to Deidara nudging his shoulder gently, looking apologetic as he did so. Itachi glanced up at him with half-lidded eyes, trying to adjust to the light. His eyes were dry and sore and he realised with a start he'd been sleeping with his contacts in. He held a hand up to them, blinking steadily to try and get some moisture back in them.

"The contacts, yeah?"

Itachi nodded as he hopped off of the table and headed for one of the sinks in the room, grabbing his bag as he went. He hoped he had spare lenses- it wouldn't be horrific if he didn't as his vision was good enough to _see_ without them, but he'd be hopeless at attempting to study anything.

He cupped the water delicately in his palm, leaning over the sink as he doused his eyes and removed the lenses. Deidara had joined his side, looking mildly concerned.

"I'll be fine," Itachi told him, staying leant over the sink for a moment as he blinked the excess water from his itchy eyes.

"Are you feeling better now?"

The question was spoken in low, careful tones as though Deidara was convinced it was a sin to ask. Itachi stayed where he was, not answering nor turning to meet his eye. He didn't have an answer to that because he was desperately trying to convince himself that what had happened was just a dream.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He asked airily.

"You didn't dream crying all over the table, yeah."

So much for that idea.

"I was tired," Itachi explained, finally pulling himself away from the sink and turning his attention to his bag. "I suppose it got the better of me."

Deidara sighed wearily. "I know- it's not easy being perfect is it? Sometimes you actually experience human emotion- what a bitch, yeah."

Itachi didn't like the sound of that tone, glancing across finally as he zipped his bag back up. He didn't have any spare contacts and since he wouldn't normally be caught dead in his frames, he didn't have those either. Going home to retrieve either would result in him simply going to bed, thus creating his first skipped day in his memory. He wasn't fond of that idea.

Why was Deidara _angry_? He was definitely not pleased, leaning back against the wall next to him with pursued lips and a look in his eye Itachi had never seen before.

"I've learnt a lot about you despite you attempting to hide yourself, yeah," Deidara spoke after a tense silence. "I've learnt you're so scared of being shown in an _imperfect_ light that you'll do almost anything to make sure that isn't so."

"What's your point?" Itachi sniped back, aware he was probably being a little bit petty about the whole thing but too tired and fed up to care.

"You're Uchiha Itachi," Deidara replied simply. "Uchiha Itachi doesn't seek people out to get their comfort while they cry. Uchiha Itachi doesn't cry in the _first_ place because he's oh so fucking perfect."

Itachi was _really_ beginning to dislike that tone.

"So forgive me for not believing that you were simply just _tired_ ¸ because both you and I know that you're a liar, yeah. If you don't want to talk, fine, but don't lie to me about it. You've been doing it all morning and I've had enough of it."

Deidara glared at him one last time before stomping away to the door, pulling it open and slamming it loudly behind him. Itachi watched him go, wincing at the loud bang and sighing in defeat. He was definitely going to go home, he decided, and he was going to sleep for a week when he got there.

-.-.-

Deidara was sitting by his car. Itachi's gaze didn't waver as they locked eyes- of course he was. He rarely went back to his own home anymore, so where else was he going to be?

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, yeah," Deidara offered as he pulled himself up, holding a hand of apology out to Itachi. Itachi took it and accepted the handshake he was given before opening the car door.

"It doesn't matter," he replied evenly, getting in and waiting patiently as Deidara faltered with one hand on the door handle on the passenger side.

"Do you mind?" He eventually asked once he had the door open.

"Get in, Deidara," Itachi sighed, putting one hand lightly to his temple. The headache was returning and he didn't want to sit in the college car park arguing when he could be going home to either sleep it off or get painkillers.

The drive home was quiet except for the sound of the radio- neither of them spoke over it and neither desired to. Itachi was having problems concentrating as it was without additional conversation, thankful when he pulled up outside his home and could mentally switch off a little.

He hesitated for a moment in the hall once inside before deciding that yes, he was going to go and lie down whether Deidara took it as him being impolite or not.

"Are you going to go to sleep?"

"Probably," Itachi replied, heading to the bedroom as he spoke. Deidara was after him in an instant, taking his arm and guiding him carefully. Itachi let himself be led, feeling a little confused but allowing it to happen anyway.

"You're worrying me," Deidara told him simply, once he had guided him to the end of the bed and sat down with him. "I didn't mean to get angry. I just wish you'd be more open with me, yeah."

"I'll be fine," Itachi reassured him. "I'm stressed right now, that's all."

"Being perfect is a lot of hard work I suppose." Deidara echoed his earlier statement, getting up and seating himself at Itachi's desk instead. The bitter tone he'd used before was back as well, leaving Itachi feeling slightly hollow and hurt for reasons he couldn't explain.

"Yes it is," he snapped lightly before he could stop himself. "Do you honestly think I enjoy trying to live like this?"

Deidara's eyes snapped up to him, giving him an equally void look in response. "If you don't you use up a lot of energy trying, yeah."

"I'm like this because my father decided to instil the value of perfection equalling affection when I was a child," Itachi continued, keeping his firm gaze on Deidara. "He praised me and rewarded me with his _time_ when I did well. As a child I quickly learnt that getting _Daddy's_ attention was a rarity that happened only when I excelled at something. Getting my mother's attention off of Sasuke was impossible after all, so I had to rely on him for validation."

Deidara wasn't the only one who could be bitter- he could practically taste it on his tongue as he spoke.

"The reason my brother and I live in nice places and have money is being our father gives it to us," he carried on. "He did it for me because I continued to do well, and I made sure he extended the same bargain to Sasuke. Unfortunately, Sasuke recently rebelled and as a result our father took away his income leaving him attempting to take his exams as well as working part time to pay the rent. If I rebel then he'll do the same to me regardless of his favouritism. I'll have to quit college to pay the bills, and if I quit college not only will I be giving up something I enjoy, but it will be disappointing my father's image of me. The thought of doing that actually makes me feel physically sick. In short- I have mental issues I can't shift no matter how much I tell myself now that it doesn't matter. Do you _get it now_?"

Deidara simply stared at Itachi as he took a deep breath, visibly trembling after his outburst. "Itachi," he said, frowning slightly. "If all you wanted was a hug from someone, you only had to ask, yeah."

Itachi's eyes widened and he picked up the pillow next to him, launching it at Deidara. "You _idiot_ ," he spat at him, but his voice lacked malice. To his horror, it wasn't the only thing his voice lacked- his usual calm tone was replaced by one he didn't recognise, shaky and thick with sorrow. He laid back on the bed, curling up defensively as Deidara sat down beside him.

"It makes sense now," he said quietly. "Thank you for telling me that. Can I give you some outsider's insight, yeah?"

"If it's to tell my father where to go Sasuke already told me that," Itachi muttered, slightly muffled as he buried his face in his arms.

"No," Deidara shook his head, reaching out and nudging Itachi's hair from his face. "Look at me?"

Itachi shifted so he was looking up at Deidara, averting his focus after a second or two. His eyes weren't dry enough to make contact with as far as he was concerned.

"Even if you do make mistakes you're still perfect," Deidara explained softly. "Because you're considerate and polite and you're a much kinder person than you give yourself credit for. You're patient and caring- these are all important qualities in a person, yeah." He paused, narrowing his eyes in thought. "What do you think about the idea of blood on snow?"

"Are you trying to speak in metaphors again?" Itachi finally asked after a moment's thought, unsure where the conversation was headed and too tired to think straight about it.

"Blood on snow is tainted beauty," Deidara explained. "But it doesn't make the snow any less striking." He reached out, trailing a thumb across Itachi's damp face and collecting tears before holding his hand out. "This is blood," he continued so softly Itachi barely heard him, rubbing the tips of his fingers together. "And you're the snow."

Itachi blinked a few times, his hand cupping the skin Deidara had just stroked.

"I think my artistic eye is going to get me trouble one day," Deidara remarked after a moment, sighing and moving back to the desk chair. "I say it how I see it, though. I'm trying to say you're still a 'perfect' person, even if you occasionally screw up or cry or whatever, yeah."

"It sounded like you were trying to call me beautiful," Itachi responded, finally pulling himself up to a sitting position and exhaling as he ran his hands across his face to dry it.

Deidara shrugged. "Whatever you want to think, yeah."

"Beautiful is a really girly term, Deidara."

"Speaking of girly, I have a solution for you," Deidara beamed, flashing him a brilliant smile. "In order to help you, you need to start changing people's view of you. I'm not saying flunk a bunch of exams- you can still keep up the perfect grades. Just... Show people you aren't predictable and their perceptions of you will eventually change so if you _do_ make a mistake, no-one will really notice."

"Where does the girly part come into it?" Itachi asked, almost dreading the answer.

Deidara grinned at him once more, getting up. "Come and sit in this chair," he explained. "And you'll see."

-.-.-

"Do you have a mirror?"

"Only the one on the bathroom wall."

"Go and take a look, yeah."

Itachi did as instructed, leaving the room and pushing the aforementioned door open. Deidara stood at his side as he stepped over to the mirror, looking awfully pleased with himself.

His hair was tied up at the top of his head rather like Deidara's own half ponytail, but lower. Deidara had left his bangs to frame his face, leaving the change a very simple one- a high ponytail instead of a low one.

"It's looks different," he eventually said, holding a hand up to it.

"Different isn't always bad, yeah."

"I'm not convinced."

"Just wear it like sometimes," Deidara told him. "People will look at you but it's a simple change and it won't change their image of perfection, yeah."

"I suppose not..."

"Be glad I'm not taking you out to get a piercing or tattoo," Deidara told him firmly. "At least you can take the tie out whenever you want."

"Next you'll be taking me to strip bars and claiming it's a change," Itachi replied, tugging slightly at the tie. It was pulling on his scalp and giving him a mild headache- there was a reason he usually wore his tie loosely.

"I would but you don't seem interested in the opposite gender, yeah."

"What makes you say that?" Itachi asked, whipping around and getting a smack from the tail end of his hair for his trouble.

"You don't have a girlfriend."

"No I don't," Itachi uttered softly. His heart was pounding and he almost halted his own words, but he let them come. "You're right- I'm not interested in girls. Guys on the other hand..."

Deidara laughed at that, nudging him lightly. "See, you've lightened up already! It's nice to see you joke around, yeah."

Itachi looked skyward, about ready to hit the idiot for being dense _once again_ with this hint. "Deidara," he said quietly, turning to leave the room. "I'm not joking."

Deidara stared at him for a moment as Itachi left, recovering and following intently. He tugged on Itachi's arm lightly to halt him, succeeding and earning a raised eyebrow for his trouble.

"Thanks for telling me that," Deidara said sincerely, giving him a smile. "You're opening up to me. I appreciate that, yeah."

Itachi gave him a tiny smile back, thankful the confession hadn't been rejected or questioned as he continued his walk to the living room. "What did you have planned for the afternoon?"

"I think you could do with just relaxing," Deidara suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Itachi shrugged. "I'll have an early night and try to have a better day tomorrow."

It was only when they were in the kitchen making much _needed_ coffee did Deidara speak again.

"Itachi? If you get a boyfriend, make sure he knows he has to share you with me, yeah?"

Itachi forced himself to keep calm as he poured the boiling water from the kettle- his mind was already going into overdrive at the implications of such a statement.

"I'll keep that in mind," he said smoothly.

Even if Deidara didn't feel the same way, he clearly valued Itachi highly. The day that had begun so terribly had really begun to look up- for the first time in his memory, Itachi felt like dancing.


	9. When In Doubt, Hide

Deidara was up to something.

Itachi _knew_ it. However, he had absolutely no idea what scheme his artistically minded friend had come up with this time, so he had no feasible way of rejecting his overly eager offer to go and buy milk when Itachi had offhandedly mentioned they were getting low. Deidara had smiled and disappeared once his offer was accepted, only to reappear forty minutes later with a bag of items that was too full to be just milk.

"The shop is a two minute walk away," Itachi reminded him when Deidara reappeared in the living room, depositing Itachi's keys and the blue carrier bag on the table. "What took you so long?"

"I got sidetracked."

Itachi instantly moved to the bag to find out its contents, hoping it would give him an answer. He pulled out a rental DVD, eyeing Deidara suspiciously.

"Did you take my rental card from my wallet?"

"Maybe," Deidara shrugged sheepishly. "You're the one who told me to take cash out of it."

"Cash," Itachi highlighted. "Not my rental card. Did you pass yourself off as me?"

"You haven't rented a movie from there in all the time I've known you," Deidara replied sulkily. "It's not like they know what you look like, yeah."

The rest of the bag contained popcorn, ice cream, soda and the originally requested milk. Itachi opened the movie box without another word, frowning as he studied the DVD inside.

"Horrors of the House on the Hill?" He read sceptically. "This sounds terrible."

"It sounded _interesting_ , yeah," Deidara countered lightly, snatching it from him. "We were told to draw a horror piece for an assignment so I thought I'd study the genre."

"With ice cream and popcorn?"

"Who watches a movie without popcorn?" Deidara protested, grabbing the carrier bag and heading into the kitchen with it.

"My brother," Itachi pointed out with a heavy sigh. "Deidara- I need to study tonight, so I'll just leave you to it."

Deidara whipped around, looking scandalised at the thought. "You need to study _every_ night!" He pointed out. "It's only an hour and a half, and then you can go right back to your work. Just sit down and I'll prepare everything, yeah."

Itachi did as requested- not because he wanted to, but because he found it impossible to argue with Deidara. They could spend thirty minutes arguing the point and the idiot would show no signs of giving up the fight, leaving him the victor by default since Itachi simply decided it wasn't worth it the vast majority of the time.

Ten minutes later they were sitting on the sofa underneath Itachi's duvet, watching the movie in question with a shared mixture of intrigue and scepticism. Itachi certainly hadn't complained when Deidara had practically curled up to his side so they could share the cover, wondering if the impromptu movie night was going to be more enjoyable than he originally thought.

Besides, he couldn't turn down decent ice cream in good conscience. Deidara had given him the small tub of cookie dough flavoured sweet and a spoon knowingly, refusing any for himself. It didn't stop him leaning over and stealing a bite though, causing Itachi to freeze as Deidara used his thigh to steady himself and practically climbed into his lap for the spoon.

Deidara had insisted they turn all the lights off for an authentic feel, so the room was bathed only in the low glow of the television. It spurred some nostalgia in Itachi, taking him back to a few years previous when Sasuke had convinced him to stay up all night and watch movies. They had watched horrors as well, both of them declaring there was nothing to be frightened of because they were just movies, but ending up equally jumpy before the night was over.

That in mind, Itachi really wasn't quite sure why he had agreed to this when he knew his disposition to scary movies wasn't particularly great. As a victim of a brutal murder on the screen screamed, he almost dropped the drink he was holding in fright and then almost dropped it again in shock as Deidara curled up closer to him.

Itachi resisted the urge to smile, feeling slightly coy. So that's how it was going to be, huh? Perhaps he would have to _overemphasise_ a little fear to take advantage of the situation.

Fifteen minutes later when both Deidara and Itachi were unabashedly hiding ( _not cowering_ ) under the cover, Itachi realised he wasn't going to need to fake anything at all.

"Did you deliberately pick the most realistic movie you could find?" Itachi hissed at Deidara, locking eyes with him as best he could in the blanketed darkness.

"Well, you're supposed to be perfect," Deidara replied sulkily. "I didn't expect _you_ of all people to get scared of horror movies, yeah."

"And what about yourself?" Itachi bit back lightly.

"I've never seen one before."

Itachi frowned at him, both of them jumping slightly at the sound of a scream from the movie. "You haven't?"

Deidara shook his head, finally pushing the cover off of his head and turning back to the screen. Itachi followed his example, begrudgingly turning his eyes back to the television. They said no more on the matter, attempting to concentrate on the movie.

Somewhere along the way, they'd ended up with their hands entwined. Itachi noticed- oh he'd _definitely_ noticed, but he was unsure whether Deidara had done so. Either way he was in no hurry to release the hold they had on each other, revelling in the contact as they shared the mutual terror at the surprisingly decent movie.

He snaked an arm lightly around Deidara as the artist jumped and attempted to curl up against him again, feeling pleased when it wasn't rejected. If anything, Deidara relaxed when he did so and made himself _more_ comfortable. Itachi tried not to look too much into it, turning his attention back to the movie instead of letting his mind wander like it wanted to.

Deidara was the one to finally break their touch, reaching down to the floor to pick up his drink and snatch up the popcorn. Itachi didn't protest because that would be blindingly obvious, instead stealing a handful of the popcorn and trying to look like he was watching the movie when he was really just attempting to watch the wall next to the television.

"I think I got some inspiration at least," Deidara said, his voice wavering slightly as they witnessed another mindless bloody murder committed by something that may or may not have been human. "I just need to paint the page red and pretend its blood, yeah."

"Sounds accurate," Itachi muttered, trying to pretend he hadn't nearly thrown his drink down himself for at least the fifth time that evening. He had been surreptitiously attempting to hide behind the red glass a lot, bringing it up to his face to slowly sip the contents in an attempt to obscure his view of the screen.

Unfortunately refilling the glass three times already from the conveniently placed bottle by their feet probably hadn't been the smartest idea. He set the glass in his hand down and pushed the cover back, slipping off the sofa. Deidara grabbed his arm as he attempted to walk away, looking up at him with wide, pleading eyes.

"Are you leaving me alone, yeah?"

"Pause it," Itachi suggested, pulling his arm free. "I'm only going to the bathroom."

"If you hadn't spent the last half an hour drinking constantly to hide behind your glass you'd be fine," Deidara sulked, folding his arms and looking offended at the thought he was to be left alone with only a horrific movie to keep him company. The gleam in his eye said he was only joking, but Itachi felt the need to defend himself.

"I wasn't hiding," he argued weakly, even though he knew it was true and was feeling a little humiliated for it. How could Deidara read how he was feeling so easily most of the time, yet still be so completely oblivious to Itachi's affection for him? The guy was either an idiot, blind or in denial- possibly all three.

He stepped out into the hallway, feeling for the light switch in the darkness. Just as his fingers connected with it he jumped in fright at the sound of knocking coming from the front door at the end of the hall. Behind him in the living room, he could hear screaming that indicated Deidara hadn't bothered to pause the movie as suggested.

Itachi stood completely frozen with his eyes fixed on the front door, knowing the sensible thing would be to _open it_ because there was no way it was a murderer or demon or whatever his mind was thinking up right then.

He hadn't yet switched the light on. His hand hovered uncertainly over it before he did what his frightened mind deemed as the most sensible thing right then as the knocking came again- turning and fleeing back into the living room, slamming the door behind him and leaning back against it to compose himself.

"What?" Deidara asked, glancing across at him and sensing his dismay.

"There's something at the door."

Deidara looked rather unimpressed, raising an eyebrow in question. "You're imagining things. It's the movie doing things to your mind, yeah."

"There's something _there_ ," Itachi hissed, shaking his head rapidly. "I'm absolutely cert-"

He was interrupted by a rapping sound on the window, making Deidara yelp and hide under the cover and Itachi freeze and turn his eyes sharply to it. The curtains were drawn so he couldn't see what was causing it but as the television elicited another scream he, too, dived back under the cover.

"What the hell _is_ that, yeah?" Deidara asked, his voice a whisper.

"I have no intention of finding out," Itachi whispered back.

The sound came again, harder and more urgent this time. They both stayed where they were, the movie suddenly forgotten. Itachi barely noticed when Deidara clasped his hand once more as they waited with baited breath for the _being_ to go away.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Itachi knew they were being ridiculous. That didn't stop them from staying exactly where they were, listening out for further sounds.

"You just ignored the front door?" Deidara finally spoke when they'd been curled up in silence for a couple of long minutes, hands so tightly entwined their knuckles were white.

"Would _you_ want to go and find out what it is?" Itachi countered, taking the silence that followed as a negative.

"It wasn't a murderer," Deidara informed him after they had been silent for a while save for the sound of their own breathing, his voice stronger than it had been previously. "Or a demon."

"I know," Itachi replied, sounding affronted- but he stayed exactly where he was.

At some point the movie ended, but they hadn't moved from their post under the covers to see any more of it. They were lying against one another with their hands joined together- in any other circumstance, Itachi would have been overjoyed. As it was, all he could muster was a flicker of delight as he focused his hearing to their shared gentle breathing once the room became silent.

Deidara's breathing was slowly regulating itself into the recognisable deeper tune of sleep so Itachi pulled the cover off of their heads softly, finally unlinking their hands and slipping down off the sofa to his knees. Readjusting the cover over Deidara to keep him warm, he hesitated for a moment before pulling himself to a stand.

Walking around the dark house with _something_ potentially hiding outside wasn't high on the list of things Itachi wanted to do, but unfortunately nature called and was refusing his desire to continue ignoring it. He slipped out of the living room, shutting the door behind him and holding a finger waveringly over the hallway light. He refrained from flicking it on once more- he didn't want to alert anything out of the ordinary that they were indeed home.

"You're being stupid," he muttered to himself softly as scaled the hall in darkness and pushed the bathroom door open, eyes falling to the window as he stepped guardedly into the room.

It was open. Considering what could be prowling around in the night, that was a _very bad thing_.

The window was small and tricky to reach without first stepping up to the edge of the bath, so he did so- though not without difficulty, since he had refused to turn the bathroom light on as well. One hand trembling, he reached for the handle and wrapped his fingers around it carefully as though it might bite.

"What are you doing?"

Itachi yelped and tore his hand away, losing his precarious balance and landing on his knees on the floor with a sharp jolt. Glaring up at the doorway, he attempted to stop his racing heart as Deidara stood before him, frowning in complete and utter bewilderment.

"Weren't you asleep?" Itachi snapped, feeling a little shamed to have been caught checking for monsters in the night. Well, murderers- but technically that was the same thing, right? His pride said it could be so, anyway.

"I woke up when you shut the living room door," Deidara shrugged. "I wasn't really asleep- just drifting, yeah. What were you doing?"

Itachi refused to answer with the truth and no lie would be acceptable, so he stayed silently on the floor until Deidara stepped across and held a hand down to him. Accepting it, he let himself be pulled up, steadying himself further using the side of the bath.

"Maybe we _should_ go outside and see what's there," Deidara suggested, eyes lighting up at the thought- the tiny nap he'd taken seemed to have reset his fear and turned it into excitement. "Maybe I can get a photo and use that as a base for my art, yeah."

"There's nothing out there," Itachi replied flatly, brushing his clothes down and wincing slightly as his knees ached from their unpleasant connection with the ground. "You'll get photos of the garden and nothing else."

"Then why were you looking?" Deidara asked with a knowing grin, ignoring the mortified glare he received in response.

"Get out," Itachi muttered instead, shoving Deidara in the direction of the door. Deidara laughed and let himself be exiled, flicking the light switch just before Itachi pushed him out into the hallway. Unfamiliar brightness assaulted Itachi and left him feeling rather like an idiot as he shielded his eyes with one hand and closed the door, taking a couple of deep breaths to calm down and reminding himself that there was nothing outside, inside or anywhere to be afraid of.

It didn't stop him bravely checking behind the shower curtain- you know, just in case.

Once he stepped back out into the hall a minute or so later, he noticed Deidara had the front door open slightly, peeking his head out to scan the garden. He turned as Itachi approached, giving him a huge grin that clearly suggested he was about to propose something absurd.

"I'm going to take a look, yeah."

Common sense told Itachi that yes, it would be perfectly alright for Deidara to scour the garden for potential beings with murderous intent because it was unlikely he'd find any- perhaps somebody who was lost and looking for directions and had therefore knocked for some, or maybe a newspaper delivery boy. _Not_ a murderer, because that was stupid.

The less sensible part of his mind gripped the other's arm tightly as he made to step out of the door, wishing to convince him it was a terrible idea so he could keep him safe.

"There _was_ something out there," he reminded. Deidara simply waved a hand dismissively at him in response and stepped outside, leaving Itachi with the decision to either follow him or go back inside and study like nothing had happened.

He realised with a start that Deidara seemed to have recovered from his fear awfully quickly, lifting his keys off the hook by the door and slipping out into the night after him. A tiny part of his mind suggested that maybe it had been mostly acted fear, but he dismissed it- what possible reason would Deidara have to do that, anyway? Itachi had wanted to for the contact between them but that was because he had fallen hopelessly head over heels for the artist. That was different.

"There doesn't seem to be anything here, yeah," Deidara sighed as they crept around the edge of the house, lowering the camera he had poised once they were back on the garden path. He sounded disappointed, snapping a few shots of the darkened garden regardless simply because they were there and it seemed appropriate.

"Isn't that good?" Itachi muttered, turning his eyes to the sky. The night was cool and bright with stars and hazy moonlight- the type of night he would have enjoyed a lot more if he wasn't so on edge and aware of a potential intruder _hiding somewhere_.

"It's a nice night, right?"

He glanced across at Deidara, who was now standing much closer to him than Itachi had originally realised- had either of them made that extra distance at some point, or was Itachi now so used to standing in close proximity that it had felt normal?

Deidara smiled at him and took a couple of steps forward, lightly tugging on Itachi's hand as he went. Itachi let himself be led, finding himself standing at the bottom of the large tree Deidara had attempted to sleep in the night he hadn't wanted to go home.

Itachi was left to follow Deidara's example of scaling the tree trunk, feeling a little tentative as he did so. The tree was sturdy and he had no doubt it would support their weight, but he wasn't quite so certain of his ability to cling to it safely enough. He managed it however, seating himself on the same branch as Deidara about a third of the way up, giving him companion a confused glance.

"Look," Deidara breathed, indicating the sky above them and raising his camera. "It's beautiful, yeah. You're always stuck in your room every night studying so you don't see it."

Even though it wasn't an attack, Itachi still felt a sharp sting at the comment. It was true, but that didn't mean he necessarily _wanted_ that to be the case every night. It just had to be so.

He could let just one night slip though, surely?

The conversation with his father filtered back to his mind and he closed his eyes with a soft sigh, fingers tightening as he gripped the branch they were sitting on. Deidara seemed to notice his change in demeanour, frowning a little and setting a gentle hand on his arm.

"I didn't mean to upset you, yeah."

"I'm alright," Itachi replied, opening his eyes and focusing on the sky above them. "Just thinking, that's all."

"What about?"

In any other circumstance, Itachi would have ignored him or attempted to run away. This time however, he stayed put and genuinely considered answering the question. Ever since the incident in the art classroom where Deidara hadn't deserted him for being imperfect, Itachi had been mentally trying to loosen up a little.

"My Dad," he finally answered quietly. "He told me not to get distracted from my work."

Deidara laughed at that, eyes fixed on the stars as well. He kept his hand on Itachi's arm- a comforting presence that Itachi didn't question nor push away. "Itachi," he sighed lightly. "One evening enjoying yourself isn't going to cause you to fail."

"I know."

"Then just enjoy this, would you?"

"I'd have preferred to just come and sit up here tonight than to watch that movie," Itachi replied, a little proud of his own candidness. Deidara seemed to appreciate it too, smiling and shifting along the branch until they were sitting right next to each other, their shoulders lightly touching.

"Me too," Deidara finally agreed. "But I was serious about having never seen a horror movie. I was completely stuck on the assignment, yeah. I have an idea now though."

"Care to explain?" Itachi asked, genuinely interested in what had inspired his friend this time. "Are you really going to colour a page red?"

"Nah," Deidara shrugged. "I'm going to draw a guy falling off the edge of his bath because he's standing on it to check outside the window for monsters, yeah."

Itachi glared at him, turning away in shame. "I see."

"That was pretty adorable though."

 _Adorable_? Itachi snapped his head back so quickly he risked giving himself whiplash, blinking a couple of times to try and process what he had just heard.

"I thought only kids checked for monsters but apparently I was wrong," Deidara was continuing, oblivious to Itachi's shock. "I think I'll put some blood on the window or something though. Can't have my teacher thinking the guy in the picture was frightened of nothing, yeah."

"Adorable?" Itachi articulated when Deidara was done, ignoring the thinly veiled taunt. "What?"

Deidara laughed outright at that, smiling and nudging Itachi's shoulder. Itachi gripped hold of the branch hastily, not wishing to fall as his centre of balance was temporarily disrupted. "I told you once already- my artistic eye's going to get me in trouble, yeah. Sorry."

They stayed seated in the tree for a little while longer- Deidara was snapping photos and Itachi was simply watching, feeling both subdued and contented. The two of them were both so comfortable in each other's company that they were now sitting close enough to class as lovers- Itachi had to really restrain himself against reaching out and clasping Deidara's soft hand once more. There was no fear to cover himself with now- only starlight and a soft, chilly breeze.

"Were you really scared?" He asked when they had finally made their way down from the tree, stepping back inside the threshold of the warm house.

"Of course not," Deidara laughed. "It's just a movie. I thought we were just playing the part to be authentic."

"Right," Itachi sighed, closing the front door behind him as his hearing picked up on the sound of the phone ringing. Thankful for the distraction, he slipped down the hall and into his bedroom to pick up the extension there.

"Where were you?" His brother demanded on the other end of the line, sounding rather peeved. "I stopped by this evening and you didn't seem to be home, so I called your mobile and you didn't pick up."

Itachi's eyes fell to his college bag, where his mobile rested switched to silent as Sasuke continued.

"And I've been ringing the landline for a good ten minutes or so- you had me worried!"

"Sorry Sasuke," Itachi replied softly, sitting in his desk chair and closing his eyes with a tiny smile. "What was it you wanted?"

"I made cinnamon cake," Sasuke muttered, sounding a little embarrassed. "I was going to surprise you."

Itachi locked eyes with Deidara, who had appeared in the bedroom doorway. "That was kind of you," he replied. "Why don't you come by tomorrow? It's a bit late now."

"Yeah, yeah. Where were you anyway?"

"Stargazing," Itachi replied, aware it was only half a truth and not really caring. "In the tree in the front garden."

"You didn't see me?"

"No. I was looking up, Sasuke- there aren't many stars on the ground."

Sasuke exhaled wearily, and Itachi could almost see him rolling his eyes. "I'll remember to check the tree next time. See you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure," Itachi nodded, even though it couldn't be seen. "See you tomorrow."

"Our visitor was Sasuke?" Deidara queried, though it was more a rhetorical statement.

"He was bringing cake," Itachi confirmed, seeing Deidara's face fall at the knowledge he'd missed it. "Don't worry, he's coming again tomorrow."

"Can we take the cake and kick him out, yeah?"

"No, Deidara," Itachi sighed, suppressing a yawn. He really was rather ready for the night to end, eyes falling on his coursework in front of him in contempt. He struggled for a moment with the decision before deciding against touching it for once, removing his contacts and falling back onto the edge of his bed.

Deidara was still watching him in the doorway, seemingly either intrigued or confused. Itachi narrowed his eyes, attempting to read him but he was cut short as Deidara gave him a short wave, turning to leave.

"Sleep well, yeah."

He closed the bedroom door behind him, leaving Itachi to feel as though something had just gone unsaid and for once, it hadn't been on his behalf. He mulled it over as he cleaned his teeth and changed for bed, still thinking about it by the time his tired head hit the pillow.

Just as he was drifting off, he awoke with a start at a lingering thought at the back of his mind. Deidara had admitted he _hadn't been scared_. He'd said he'd been acting the part for legitimacy, but who did he need to verify his reaction when his only companion had been Itachi himself?

Deidara was near impossible to understand and even more difficult to get inside the mind of. Nothing made sense in his little world, but to be fair on him Itachi knew that very little made sense in his own sometimes too. With that notion in mind he let his thoughts drift to the memory of being curled under a blanket with the object of his affection, a tiny smile finding its way to his lips. Without all the screaming and murdering going on in the background it really might have been quite the moment.


	10. Reflective Weather

Deidara had vanished.

Normally Itachi would simply shrug and take the moment as a quiet one earned to study, but instead he found himself sitting in the windowsill watching the front gate. The weather was threatening rain and while Itachi was old enough to know rain wouldn't melt you, he was mildly concerned for his companion.

He refused to believe he was sitting in the windowsill waiting for him because he _missed_ him, because that just wasn't true at all.

As night was beginning to draw in, Itachi finally saw a familiar blond figure push open the gate. He slipped off the sill and headed to open the front door, glancing curiously at Deidara as he beamed and stepped inside the house clutching a manila envelope.

"I stopped by my place, yeah," Deidara explained, putting a hand to the front door to halt Itachi's attempt at closing it. "I was expecting a letter and it's arrived- are you up for coming out for a coffee or something? It's important."

"Important enough to warrant a trip out?" Itachi asked dubiously. "It looks like it's going to rain."

Deidara nodded earnestly, beckoning eagerly with one hand. "Come on," he urged. "I'll explain everything."

-.-.-

They found themselves in a quaint coffee shop on the edge of town, sipping coffee while the inconspicuous envelope sat on the stained table between them. Itachi found his eyes flickering between it and Deidara's happy smile, wondering when he would be privy to its information.

"Aren't you going to tell me?" He asked eventually when Deidara was simply staring into his own coffee, hands clasped and eyes wistful.

"I got a scholarship," Deidara eventually spoke, meeting his eye. "For an art college. They're interested in me because apparently I'm unique, yeah."

Itachi knew he should have been smiling at that moment but he froze reaching for his coffee cup, hand shaking slightly as he registered those words.

"Where is it?" He asked, recovering and clutching the handle a little too tightly.

"The next town over," Deidara replied. "You thought I was going to have to move away? I wouldn't, yeah."

"Not even for your art?"

Deidara shook his head firmly. "Some things are more important than my art."

Itachi raised an incredulous eyebrow, raising the coffee cup to his lips. "Like?"

"You."

Itachi choked on his coffee, eyes shooting up to Deidara's soft smile. He opened his mouth to speak but Deidara's eyes changed, taking note of something out the window behind him. He turned, wondering what had just captivated him over their conversation.

"It's going to storm," Deidara spoke up, sounding excited at the prospect.

"Congratulations," Itachi eventually told him when they were once again gazing down at the envelope together. "That's really great news. We should celebrate, right?"

"That's why we're here," Deidara shrugged. "You prefer coffee over anything else, after all."

"This isn't about me," Itachi scolded lightly, standing and heading back to the counter. Deidara watched him curiously, eyeing the cake he returned with and placed down in front of him.

"What's that?"

"A cake," Itachi replied, a hint of a smile on his lips. "Cinnamon. Enjoy it."

"It better be as good as your brother's," Deidara complained as he took a bite, eyes lighting up positively at the taste. Itachi took that to mean it was, turning his attention back to his coffee.

"Deidara?" He spoke after a moment, running a thumb across the handle of the coffee cup nervously. "Did you mean that?"

"Mean what?"

"About your art. It's what makes you happy- why wouldn't you pursue it if the opportunity arose?"

"I am, yeah."

"I mean... You said you wouldn't move away."

"Well, no," Deidara shrugged, finishing the cake happily and shrugging. "I feel like I belong here. Are you saying you would in the same situation?"

"No," Itachi replied immediately. "I wouldn't. Someone has to keep an eye on my brother, after all."

"What about me?" Deidara asked, cocking his head to the side curiously and watching Itachi carefully.

"What about you?" Itachi echoed. "Are you asking if I value you around? I'd have kicked you out if I didn't."

"Itachi," Deidara sighed, finishing his coffee and standing. "You're dense, yeah?"

"What-"

"The storm," Deidara spoke over him. "I want to celebrate by enjoying the storm. Join me."

It wasn't a request- it was an order. Itachi stood, wrapping his coat tightly around himself and following the artist out the door and into the windy night. Deidara was pulling his camera from his bag, fiddling with the exposure settings before beckoning to Itachi.

"Isn't this a really bad idea?" Itachi pointed out. "Can't we just enjoy it from my living room window?"

"Are you crazy?" Deidara countered. "Storms are fleeting and beautiful, yeah. How can you enjoy one _inside_?"

"Because I'm a normal person?" Itachi muttered to himself.

"I know just the place we can go," Deidara remarked as the rain began to fall around them, pattering softly on the ground as light thunder rolled above them. "Follow me, yeah?"

-.-.-

Deidara took them to the same bridge they'd gone to the first night they went out- Itachi was rather disappointed to realise there was no shelter underneath it. It was just the roaring river, seemingly a lot more violent that day thanks to the weather.

Deidara already had his camera out, poising it towards the sky as Itachi leant back against the bridge and attempted to wrap his coat more around himself. He was _freezing_ \- the rain was cold and the wind even colder, leaving him wondering why he didn't just head home.

Lightning cracked across the sky and Deidara snapped a photo, grinning as he lowered it back down again.

"I need lots of photos," He explained as he pointed the camera back to the sky. "It's hard to capture lightning sometimes."

Itachi tilted his head back, closing his eyes to save himself getting an eyeful of rain. He leant his elbows back against the top of the bridge's side, leaning back against the wall and simply waiting for Deidara to finish.

"Aren't you going to watch?"

He cracked an eye open to glance at Deidara, who had stopped taking photos and was eyeing him curiously.

"Should I be?" He eventually ventured with.

"That's why you're here?"

No, Itachi mentally disagreed- he was here because he'd somehow let this idiot into his heart and he'd managed to take over it, along with the common sense area of his brain.

"I'm here because you asked me to come," he said simply, closing his eyes again. It sounded suspiciously like admitting a flaw in his mind but he beat it down- even if it was, Deidara had now witnessed him being imperfect and practically encouraged it.

"I'm glad you did," Deidara replied, snapping another shot. "I'm always happiest when I'm sharing these things with you."

It took a second for Itachi to process those words. Deidara was back to happily snapping photos, apparently not too worried about his admittance.

Itachi had never wanted to wrap his arms around someone and kiss the life out of them _so badly_ until that moment.

"You're shivering- are you cold?"

Itachi hesitated, almost about to insert the generic perfect answer expected of him that he was fine, but changing his mind. "Freezing," he admitted.

Deidara immediately slipped the camera around his neck, blowing into his hands and pulling up Itachi's own, rubbing them gently. Deidara's hands were slick with rain and not much warmer but Itachi wasn't concentrating on the reason behind the gesture right then- just that it was happening at all.

"You _are_ pretty cold, yeah," Deidara remarked, frowning slightly in concern. He reached out and put his arms around Itachi, pulling him close and resting his head on his shoulder. His breath was warm on the back of Itachi's neck, leaving the elder man shuddering slightly and resisting the urge to pin him against the bridge and do unspeakable things to him.

He opened his mouth to speak, swallowing to moisten his suddenly dry throat. His heart was racing and he suspected Deidara might even be able to feel it, pressed tightly up against his chest and breathing steadily in his ear and rubbing circles on his back gently.

He needed to speak, say something, do something- _anything_.

"I'll be fine," he eventually spoke, slowly pushing Deidara off. "Just take your photos so we can get out of here soon, alright?"

Deidara did as instructed, leaving Itachi to mentally curse himself for his lack of action. He had the perfect opportunity _right there_ to put a stop to all the feelings in his head and he had given it up! Why?!

He sighed, biting his lip slightly and looking back up to the heaving sky. It was because he couldn't face the idea of upsetting the balance he had on life by officially introducing Deidara into it. Did that mean he was now doomed to feel this way and never be able to say anything?

-.-.-

By the time the following hour rolled around Itachi was not in a good mood. He had many reasons to be in a terrible mood, but one stood out the most right then. He was an _idiot._

It was the right decision. That was what hurt the most- he'd glided along, knowing his feelings and just hitching his hopes on one day being able to find the perfect time and place to tell Deidara and have all his problems fix themselves so they could live happily ever after.

Well, that really was just for fairytales, wasn't it? Only in this twisted tale he was the broken princess with a perfection complex that ruled his life and Deidara was a knight in slightly dented, scratched armour who kept getting lost in his quest to save the damsel.

"Itachi...?"

Deidara was staring at him, the concern from earlier returning. Itachi wanted to snap at him but he knew that was unfair- it wasn't his fault that he was feeling so wretched, after all.

"Are you done?"

His voice was level and didn't betray anything negative. He was the master of hiding how he really felt so why should now be any different?

"I can be if you really want me to be, yeah."

That wasn't what he wanted at all. Itachi exhaled in frustration, leaning back against the side of the bridge once more. This was Deidara's celebration- a strange one, but still his. Itachi wanted the idiot to be happy and free and doing completely outlandish things that always made him smile inside, not caged up with him in his small garden.

He smiled despite himself at that metaphor, glancing across at Deidara. He was looking a little upset, so Itachi pointed up at the sky above them and cocked his head.

"It's still stormy," he pointed out. "So why are you looking at me and not taking photos of it?"

Deidara thought for a moment before snapping a photo of Itachi, grinning and pointing the camera back at the sky. Itachi pushed himself off of the side of the bridge, walking over to where Deidara was leaning forward against it further down and joining him.

"Do you want to go back?" Deidara asked after they had been standing close together in comfortable silence.

"How much longer do you want to stay?"

Deidara thought about that for a moment, looking up as lightning forked across the sky in front of them. He fingered the edge of the camera around his neck, giving Itachi a sly glance.

"I'd stay all night if I could."

"No," Itachi replied flatly. "I was hoping on a compromise."

"Don't you see the magic in a storm?" Deidara argued, pointing his camera back at the sky.

Itachi folded his arms against his chest, once again trying to wrap his already-tight coat even tighter around himself. "Don't you see how cold and wet it is?" He countered.

"You really can complain when you want to, can't you?"

Itachi faltered on giving an answer. Complaints were imperfect, weren't they? Was he really doing that...?

Screw that, he told himself. He was going to be more relaxed around Deidara so he could entertain the idea of a relationship with him. He _would_ become more comfortable, even if he had to force his own hand and make a list of every single imperfection bothering him at that moment. He blinked a couple of times at the thought, a wicked grin crossing the edge of his lips. That was a rather tempting idea.

"You know," he began. "I'm not going to argue with you about this anymore. We _are_ leaving- do you know _why_?"

Deidara pouted, but indicated he was listening.

"It's about minus ten thousand out here and just in case you didn't notice, there's rather a lot of rain around," Itachi began, halting as Deidara held a hand up.

"That's the point, yeah."

"Deidara, be quiet."

Deidara snapped his lips closed, blinking slightly in shock.

"I am so _cold_ I'm surprised I can even think straight," Itachi continued, glaring at his companion for good measure. "My _teeth_ hurt because I can't stop shivering."

"I already tried to warm you, yeah," Deidara muttered, sounding suspiciously like he was whining. "I can try again if it'll shut you up."

His comment went unnoticed as Itachi continued. "If we were lost or something then I'd gladly accept that, though I wouldn't be very pleased-"

"You're not even listening are you?"

"-however, we're here because you decided you wanted to drag me out to stand around and _watch_ you take a million photos-"

" _Idiot_ , yeah. How oblivious are you?"

"-most of which you're going to discard because they won't show the lightning you want anyway and even if they _do_ you probably won't be satisfied. Do you understand now why I'd _like to go home_?"

Deidara stared at him for a moment, sighing resignedly. "That doesn't sound like much of a compromise."

" _Deidara_!"

"Fine," Deidara shrugged, looking momentarily overwhelmed before hiding it speedily. "Whatever you want, yeah."

Itachi smiled to himself as they walked away, feeling accomplished. Now _that_ was complaining. It had taken all his concentration but he had managed it, and he had got his own way to boot. He was feeling so achieved he completely missed the defeated look in Deidara's eye as they walked along silently towards their unofficially shared home, pelted by the pouring rain as they went.


	11. Just Speak

"Itachi?"

Deidara had stopped walking, earning an impatient glance from Itachi as he halted as well and whirled around to berate him for his lack of haste. Deidara had been clearly distracted- he seemed upset about something, which Itachi hoped wasn't because he'd made them leave. He'd neglected to bring it up however, feeling if that was the case that he'd rather they didn't stand in the rain and argue about it any further.

"Never mind," Deidara eventually muttered, stalking past him with anguished eyes. Itachi eyed him in concern, stepping into line next to him.

"What is it?"

"You," Deidara snapped, though there was no malice in his tone- only frustration. "Just when I think I've worked you out, you throw a spanner in the works."

Itachi didn't have a reply so he gave none, focusing ahead of them through the rain. Deidara eventually snaked a hand around his waist, making him jump- but not resist.

"You're really cold," Deidara breathed lightly next to him, sliding his hand further around Itachi and leaning slightly against him as they walked. "Let me warm you, yeah."

Itachi had no intentions of complaining, letting Deidara curl up into his side as they walked almost bound together and in perfect harmony. Deidara eventually slipped his hand down until he found Itachi's, lightly clasping it in a squeeze before stepping away completely.

"Do you understand me, Itachi?" Deidara asked quietly as they walked, breaking the silence that had reigned since they had split apart.

"You're crazy," Itachi shrugged. "But I like you."

"I like you too. That isn't what I asked though- do you _understand_ me?"

"I'd like to say yes, but I'm still at a loss why you do the things you do sometimes," Itachi told him, smiling a little at the memory of Deidara sticking googly eyes on everything. "I'm not an artist so I suppose I'm not going to understand fully, right?"

Deidara sighed in frustration, waving a hand in his direction. "For someone so perfect you really are _stupid_ ," he muttered, pushing his hands into his pockets and staring down at the floor so intently Itachi was surprised it didn't crack beneath his gaze.

Itachi didn't dare question him, thrusting his hands into his coat pockets as well and shivering as the wind howled in his ears. The weather was getting worse if such a feat was even possible, finally prompting even Deidara to pick up the pace.

"Itachi," Deidara eventually spoke, shouting to be heard above the wailing wind. "You aren't going to like this but we should shelter, yeah."

Itachi begrudgingly agreed he was right, allowing himself to be led into an a bus shelter they had been passing- he presumed that was what had spurred Deidara into bringing the subject up in the first place.

The shelter wasn't all that great- it had no door, and was more an overhang with glass sides without even a bench to sit on. It did keep the rain out, but not the cold- Itachi figured one out of two was better than none, tightly wrapping his arms around himself and leaning against the side of the glass and attempting to still his jaw. He never had handled cold weather well, reminiscing with a small smile about shopping in the dead of winter as a child with his mother and always complaining about the weather. Not that she'd taken much notice- his eyes darkened and he pushed the memory away instead.

Deidara was sitting on the floor, leaning back against the glass with his arms folded and glaring down at the concrete as though it had wronged him somehow. Sulking, Itachi noted, feeling slightly guilty that he had been the cause.

"Did I upset you?" He spoke softly, earning a glance up from Deidara.

"I'm fine," Deidara lied, shrugging and turning his attention back to the floor.

"You're a terrible liar."

"And you need to stop overanalysing everything and see things for what they are," Deidara replied cryptically. "Not everything is shades of grey."

Itachi didn't give a response, simply turning his attention back to the weather. He had no idea what Deidara meant, as usual, which was apparently the problem. He had no intention of attempting to work it out because that would run the risk of upsetting his friend further- at least, he assumed it would if he got it wrong.

"It isn't getting any better out there," he eventually spoke flatly when they'd been waiting for about ten minutes in awkward silence. "And I'm not getting any warmer. Can we leave?"

Deidara shrugged, still glaring at the floor. Itachi finally down sat next to him, eyeing him wearily as though he would bite. Deidara simply regarded him with a quick flick of his eyes before turning his attention away once more, looking mildly distracted about something.

"Do you want to talk?" Itachi offered, seeing it immediately.

Deidara simply reached into his pocket, pulling out the now slightly tatty looking letter he had been carrying earlier. He handed it to Itachi, refolding his arms and averting his gaze as Itachi opened it curiously and read it. The last paragraph ended with a line that caused his heart to leap to his throat and his eyes to narrow.

"Deidara," he breathed, putting a finger to the line in question. "This says you turned down a scholarship at another college on the other end of the country first. Why did you apply if you had no intention of going?"

"I didn't expect to get accepted," Deidara countered. "I just wanted to see if they would take me."

"I've heard of this college," Itachi argued, pointing to the paper again. "I don't study art and even I know it's the best art college in the _country_. You shouldn't have turned that down, Deidara."

Deidara exhaled heavily, shrugging awkwardly. "It's done now, yeah."

"Did you want to go? Please be honest."

"Yes," Deidara replied immediately, his voice empty.

"So why didn't you?" Itachi asked, feeling angry on his behalf. "You don't see your family and you have no ties here. It would be a great adventure for you and a chance-"

"No," Deidara cut in. "I do have ties here, you're just too stupid to see it. My ties are _you_."

"Who ditches the chance of a lifetime for a friend? You're the stupid one," Itachi muttered. "Why did you give me this to read?"

"I'm just upset," Deidara replied softly. "I made the decision to stay but I'm wondering whether it was the right one."

"What's changed your mind?" Itachi asked slowly, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"I don't want to talk about it," Deidara retorted, curling up against Itachi like he had done earlier. "You're so cold, yeah."

"I've been telling you that."

"The weather _is_ getting worse."

"That means I'm feeling worse."

Deidara reached out and unbuttoned Itachi's coat, earning an indignant glare in response.

"I _just_ said I'm cold, what-"

Itachi stopped speaking when Deidara pulled his left arm free of the jacket and lifted it, placing it around himself before curling right up into Itachi's side. He was warm and his touch was soft, clasping his arms around Itachi so tightly as if he was afraid to let him go.

"You know," he spoke quietly. "I am glad to stay. I really am. I just never expected that I'd change my mind- I had my eye on that college for years before I met you, yeah."

"Then why-"

"Itachi," Deidara interrupted. "Can you stop asking me why? You sound like a broken record, yeah. I already told you why."

They stayed curled up together, Itachi fighting with the desire to simply close his eyes and sleep on Deidara's shoulder. He was warmer now- comfortable even, simply watching the rain splash onto the ground outside the shelter in a melodic soothing symphony.

"We're stuck here for a while anyway," Deidara murmured quietly in his ear. "Get some rest- you look tired."

Itachi didn't protest, allowing his eyes to close and feeling the clutches of sleep grasping at him as he did so. He let it happen, sighing contentedly as Deidara curled his arms around his waist a little tighter in fondness- though Deidara made sure he was fast asleep before shifting so Itachi was the one curled up against him instead.

"Just tell me," he uttered almost silently as put one hand to Itachi's hair, affectionately tucking it behind one ear. "Tell me what you really think, Itachi."

-.-.-

Itachi awoke feeling horribly cold before he registered anything else, eyes shooting open to the clap of thunder that had disturbed him. Deidara was no longer curled up with him, standing at the edge of the shelter with one hand out catching the rainfall instead and radiating melancholy instead.

"Deidara?" He called, swallowing to moisten his dry throat. Deidara glanced over his shoulder, startled for a moment before throwing him a tiny smile.

"It got worse," he remarked, all traces of his low mood banished. Itachi narrowed his itchy eyes- he _really_ needed to stop sleeping with contacts in- at him, taking note of his companion's dripping wet hair and drenched coat.

"Did you go and stand out in it again?"

Deidara looked sheepish. "I couldn't resist. There was a lightning strike just up the road and I couldn't just let that go, yeah."

"You didn't think to _wake_ me and move to somewhere a little safer?" Itachi protested, pulling himself to his feet wearily.

"We're perfectly safe."

"I hope you got it out of your system," Itachi commented, joining Deidara at the edge of the shelter. "Because I'm going to call us a taxi."

Deidara whipped around to face him, looking startled. "What? That's no fun! We could at least walk home in it!"

"No," Itachi told him evenly. "If you had your way we'd be stuck here all night."

"I don't see a problem with that," Deidara sulked. "I'm rather enjoying it."

Itachi rubbed at his sore eyes irritably, shaking his head and pulling his mobile from his pocket, flicking through the numbers in his phonebook. Deidara snatched it from his hand, giving him a pleading look.

"Can't we walk at least? I don't mind leaving, but does it have to be a taxi?"

The sensible part of Itachi's screamed that yes, he really did want to get a taxi for a huge myriad of reasons, but apparently his lips had other ideas. "Fine. We'll walk."

Deidara's face lit up and he beckoned, jumping out into the rain and twirling around in it with a laugh. Itachi watched him from the edge of the shelter, unable to resist a smile as he observed.

"Join me, yeah!"

Before he could react, Itachi felt his arm being tugged and he was out in the rain as well, protesting lightly as Deidara held him in place.

"Look up," Deidara near demanded, and Itachi obeyed. He got an eyeful of rain for it so he closed them, letting the droplets wash down his face and taking the moment to truly _enjoy_ it. Deidara could have been on to something- not that Itachi would admit it- about enjoying a storm more when faced with it.

"This might be the last time we share something like this."

Itachi wrenched his eyes open with a start, fixing them to Deidara in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Before I move colleges," Deidara shrugged before turning to walk, leaving Itachi behind for a moment in stunned surprise.

"But you're only going to be in the town over," Itachi replied, jogging a couple of steps to catch up. "I can take you and collect you if you want. I might have to take you early and-"

"Itachi," Deidara interrupted. "I'm thinking about accepting the other offer."

"I thought you turned that down?" Itachi asked, hoping he had heard incorrectly.

He hadn't. "I can call them and try to get it reinstated, yeah."

"Is that what you want?"

Deidara looked contemplative, glancing back up into the rain again. "I really don't know," he practically whispered. "I'm going to think about it, yeah. What do you think?"

Itachi didn't reply right away. Not because he didn't want to because he _did_ , but because he didn't trust himself to speak without being selfish. "I think you should do whatever will make you happy," he finally supplied, knowing before he said it that it was the least helpful thing he could offer.

Deidara frowned at him, flicking his drenched hair out of his face and looking away. "How is that meant to help me, yeah?"

Itachi had no response to give. Deidara glanced at him out of the corner of his eye for a moment more before exhaling irritably and setting his gaze to the pavement instead.

The mood as they walked home was sombre. Deidara was clutching at the envelope in his pocket in consideration and Itachi was simply watching him, unsure of what to say as they walked briskly in silence save for the rain pattering around them. It was times like then that Itachi felt he needed to rip the perfection complex inside of him out by force and take it out back to put it out of its misery- miserable being the optimum word to describe their current atmosphere, anyway.

He glanced at Deidara, frowning slightly in confusion as he studied his face closer. The rain around them was torrential so he couldn't quite be sure, but if he didn't know better he would have said the liquid on his friend's face wasn't only that of rainfall.

-.-.-

The following morning Itachi woke up to daylight flitting through the curtains- something he wasn't used to, since despite having not replaced his clock he still usually woke at five am. Deidara hadn't woken him either, but they didn't have college that day so Itachi figured he might have felt guilty about dragging him out into the rain the night before and let him lay in. He smiled and rubbed at his eyes, sitting upright and leaning back against the headboard to wake up a little more.

He heard Deidara's voice floating through the hall, frowning in confusion. He wasn't sure who he could be talking to, unless he had answered the phone for Itachi- something he'd never done because he always deemed it as rude, even though Itachi had encouraged him to treat the place as his own.

Slipping out of the bed he put a hand to the door handle, halting at the sound of a single sentence and suddenly feeling as though he was intruding in his own home.

"I know, Mum. I _know_ , I-"

Itachi crept back a couple of paces, torn between eavesdropping and respecting Deidara's privacy. As far as he knew, Deidara wasn't on great terms with his family and never spoke about wanting to see or speak to them- much like himself, minus Sasuke. Curiosity got the better of him and he ignored how impolite he was being to put his ear to the door, listening once again.

"I've thought about it a lot. I- Mum, I..."

Itachi leapt away from the door as though it was on fire as he heard how tight his friend's voice was, but Deidara had raised his tone so he could hear what was said regardless.

"I know I shouldn't have just called out of the blue but I didn't know what else to do," Deidara continued wretchedly. "I've been up all night and I'm _tired_ , I just want to relax, yeah. I-I do love you, even though we don't talk-"

He stopped, presumably listening to whatever his mother was saying as Itachi guiltily made his way back to bed and covered his head with a pillow to drown out the conversation. It worked, leaving him alone with his own culpable thoughts and a sense that he had said or done something terribly wrong if Deidara would rather call someone he rarely spoke to over coming to him with his troubles.

He stayed in hiding for a while longer, eventually pulling his head up to silence. It continued as he put his ear to the door, prompting himself to presume it safe to venture out.

Deidara was sitting against the wall in the hallway, knees drawn to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around them. He had his face buried so he didn't see Itachi at first, leaving the elder man wondering whether he should just walk past and pretend he hadn't spotted him. The thought was ridiculous, and the sound of him closing the bedroom door quietly startled Deidara into glancing up at him.

"What's wrong?" Itachi asked softly, keeping one hand on the door handle and refusing to move forward. Deidara looked like a rabbit in headlights and Itachi got the feeling he might bolt like one if he moved.

His gaze fell to a familiar looking envelope on the floor next to Deidara, taking that fact in for a moment until Deidara grabbed it, put it back into his pocket and rose to an unsteady stand.

"Deidara?"

"I'll be fine," Deidara replied, giving him a weak smile. "Don't worry about me, yeah. Shall I make us breakfast?"

He was gone before Itachi could collect his thoughts, heading to the kitchen and humming to himself as though everything was fine. Itachi followed him through and leant back against the worktop, eyeing Deidara carefully and trying to decide if he should come clean about what he had heard.

"You aren't fine," he eventually spoke softly. "I heard you talking."

Deidara froze in the middle of pouring water. "It's alright," he finally shrugged, resuming what he was doing. "My mother and I don't exactly hate each other. We don't really get _along_ , but that's not the same thing, yeah."

"I guess I understand that," Itachi replied softly. "I... Deidara, you know you can talk to me about things, right? We're supposed to be friends."

"I don't think that's the right word anymore, yeah."

Deidara opened the fridge and crouched down in front of it, leaving Itachi to take in what he'd said.

"It isn't?" He eventually asked, feeling like he'd missed a vital piece of a puzzle somewhere if that was the case.

"You're an idiot," Deidara replied in a sing song voice. "We're low on milk."

Itachi frowned at his back, folding his arms across his chest. "Can you stop calling me that? Or at least explain why you keep saying it."

"Itachi, do you want to know why I was talking to her?" Deidara asked instead, standing back up again with the almost empty milk in his hand. "I wanted advice about which college I should go to. Last night you weren't very helpful so I got another opinion."

"Have you made a decision?" Itachi asked slowly, feeling his heart almost stop with the words yet projecting nothing to show that. The perfect mask was well and truly in place that morning.

"Yes."

The few moments of pause felt like an eternity to Itachi. He was positive his heart had actually stopped beating, resisting the urge to prompt Deidara for the answer. He didn't need to however as Deidara continued quietly only a second later.

"The first one. What do you think about that?"

The words Itachi _wanted_ to say wouldn't leave his tongue, so he settled for what he thought he should be saying instead. "I'll support you in whatever you wish to do. I'm happy for you."

Deidara turned back to the coffees he was fixing, not looking Itachi in the eye. "Alright," he said quietly. "I get it. I'll call them later and see if they'll re-open their offer. Thanks for giving me your opinion."

Itachi took the coffee he was handed, wordlessly deciding to take it back to bed with him instead of having it at the table as he usually did. Deidara didn't protest when he vanished and closed the bedroom door quietly, putting the white cup down and settling himself back onto the bed.

" _Idiot_ ," he chided himself, tilting his head back to hit the headboard sharply, repeating the action a few times in frustration. "You _are_ an idiot."

-.-.-

"It's Saturday," Deidara declared as he burst into Itachi's room breezily, startling Itachi awake. He had been lightly drifting in and out of sleep but that had been shattered, leaving him to sit up and blink a few times to adjust his eyes. He didn't know how long he'd been that way but it seemed it was long enough for Deidara's mood to lift.

"I know," he finally answered as Deidara fell onto the edge of his bed next to him. "So?"

"So tonight we're going out on the town," Deidara told him firmly. "We're going to celebrate properly, yeah. The college accepted me."

Itachi kept his perfect mask in place, refusing to react in any way outwardly that wasn't a pleasant smile. "That's excellent news. Well done."

"I was surprised," Deidara shrugged. "They were really keen to re-offer the place. I start next week."

"Next week?" Itachi echoed, eyes widening just slightly.

"That's why we're going out tonight," Deidara nodded evenly. "I'm leaving on Monday."

"That really is good news," Itachi repeated, his voice sounding alien and hollow. "I'm proud of you for going for what you want and getting it."

Deidara's face fell just slightly, but he recovered quickly and got up from the bed. "If you say so," he shrugged, heading to the door. "You and I are getting so wrecked we can't walk straight, got it? I want my celebration to go out with a bang, yeah."

"I'm sure that won't be an issue," Itachi muttered as Deidara closed the door. The idea of drowning himself in copious amounts of liquor was a welcome one- anything to stave the feeling that he was dying inside with every minute that Monday now approached with.


	12. 2 + 2 = 5

Not owning a clock in his bedroom didn't mean time was non-existent. Itachi was rather disappointed to learn that fact as he rummaged through his wardrobe for a suitable shirt to wear. Deidara had gone back to his own place to retrieve clothes more fancy than his usual type- he usually simply brought a handful of casual clothes with him each time he came back and they had gravitated to the drawers in Itachi's room.

Itachi pulled out the red shirt he'd been wearing the night they first went out, running a hand across it lightly. Deidara had moved in- all that he needed was his own key and the acknowledgement that it had officially happened. But it was irrelevant now, right? Deidara was leaving to chase the dream he'd had for longer than he'd known Itachi, and that was more important.

He slipped the shirt on, rising to a stand with a heavy sigh. He wasn't one for socialising in bars- that was more Sasuke's forte, but he wasn't going to refuse Deidara one last request to spend time together doing something fun. He strangled the thought that rose once again to remind him the idea of drinking himself into a stupor was appealing, because it meant not having to think about the only person he'd ever opened up to and accepted into his life that wasn't his little brother was _leaving_.

Deidara had said they should meet at the bar since it was in-between both of their places, so he grabbed his keys and jacket and slipped out into the cold night. He barely noticed the chill for once as he walked briskly through the streets in the direction of the first place they'd gone out together.

Deidara wasn't waiting outside so he slipped in the door, basking in the warmth despite the smoky, loud atmosphere as he scanned the room searching for him. His eyes fell on a familiar figure seated near the snooker table where they had been seated on their first outing, prompting him to step across the room determinedly.

"One, two, three- go!"

He stopped behind the table as he observed his brother knock back a shot on the count of three, slamming the glass down quicker than his blond opponent- Naruto, Itachi recognised. He glared, rather unimpressed at the discovery and even _less_ impressed by the cigarette in Sasuke's hand.

"Uh oh," Naruto uttered- he was sitting opposite Sasuke and had spotted Itachi. "I think you just got busted, Sasuke."

Sasuke turned, eyes widening in surprise at the sight of his brother standing over him. The shock turned to confusion when Itachi beckoned for him to move, seating himself next to Sasuke and snatching the cigarette from his hand.

"What the fuck have you done to your hair?" Sasuke finally asked accusingly, tugging lightly on the end of the high ponytail his brother was sporting.

"I tied it up," Itachi replied simply, as though his brother was asking a rather ridiculous question. Which, really, he was- wasn't it obvious what he'd done with it? There was no need to put such a fine _point_ on it.

"I mean... You look different."

"That's the idea."

"When I say 'different' I mean 'like a girl'. Deidara's influence by chance?"

"Sasuke, what are you doing here?" Itachi asked instead, diverting the conversation to where he wanted it to be, which was _not_ talking about his hair.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Sasuke countered.

"I'm over the legal age to be here," Itachi countered. "What about you?"

"It's Saturday night?" Sasuke tried, looking hopeful.

Itachi sighed and waved a hand at him, glancing across at Naruto who was looking out of place and giving him a smile.

"Don't worry," he said to him, indicating the shots on the table that were untouched. "I'm not going to berate you. You're not my responsibility."

The cigarette was still smouldering between his fingertips and he eyed it for a moment before holding it up. Sasuke gave him a resolute glare.

"I'm old enough to smoke," he countered to the silent argument. "It's a decent stress reliever."

"Is that so?" Itachi replied, raising an eyebrow before inhaling from it. Sasuke stared at him as though he had grown a second head, taking it back when Itachi held it out. "No, I don't feel any less stressed, Sasuke," he said after a moment, exhaling smoke and clearly attempting not to cough. "That's got to be a marketing ploy."

"What's got into you?" Sasuke frowned, looking slightly concerned.

"Lend me your ear, Sasuke," Itachi requested, picking up one of the shots on the table and eyeing it for a moment before knocking it back with ease. He put the glass down with a soft tap, glancing across at Naruto. "And I'd like you to either close yours or keep your mouth shut."

Naruto nodded wordlessly, so Itachi turned back to his brother and sighed heavily. "He's leaving."

"Leaving?"

"He's going to the other end of the country for an art scholarship."

"Ah. Does he...?"

"No."

"Are you going to...?"

Itachi laughed shortly, eyeing the shots on the table in front of them. They really did look quite tempting. "I don't know."

"Then what am I supposed to tell you?"

"The quickest way of getting intoxicated that isn't going to land me with a hangover in the morning."

Sasuke laughed outright at that, picking up another one of the shots and handing it to him. "Sorry," he shrugged. "I can't help there. Alcohol can have that effect I'm afraid."

Itachi knocked the shot back with another heavy sigh. "I see," he remarked, putting the glass down. "I guess I'll just have to take that, then."

"Take it easy, won't you?" Sasuke told Itachi as he ventured to pick up another shot. "You don't usually drink so you'll probably-"

"Are you insinuating I'm a lightweight?" Itachi cut in, taking the shot anyway.

"No," Sasuke clarified, looking a little nervous at his brother's sudden change of behaviour. "I'm saying you are, not just hinting. Anyway- Deidara's here, I can see him over at the bar."

"Excellent," Itachi sighed, snatching the cigarette from Sasuke again. "Thanks, Sasuke."

Sasuke watched him go with an expression that screamed he felt he had been dreaming, eventually turning back to Naruto thoughtfully.

"I never thought I'd say this," he said quietly. "But I think we're going to have to keep an eye on him tonight."

Deidara was looking at Itachi with an equally amazed expression on his face, eyes falling on the cigarette in his hands. He was holding two glasses of what looked like cola, having just retrieved them.

"Where did you get that?" He asked slowly, nodding to the cigarette.

"I confiscated it from my brother."

"That doesn't explain why you're smoking it."

Itachi shrugged and ignored the bitter ash and burn in his throat as he inhaled from it once more, indicating with one hand for Deidara to follow. "You've taught me to try new things," he explained as he led them to a table near Sasuke's. Close enough to keep an eye on him, but not close enough to stifle him. "Small gardens, wasn't it?"

"I didn't quite mean like that."

"You didn't?" Itachi asked, eyes widening marginally in genuine surprise.

Deidara raised an amused eyebrow at him. "No. There's nothing wrong with trying new things, but you have to be comfortable with whatever it is you do, yeah. You can get rid of it."

Itachi did so gladly, taking a long sip from the drink in front of him. He frowned, unable to taste any alcohol as he had been expecting and, truthfully, hoping for.

"What's in this?"

"It's just coke- I thought you'd appreciate starting slow, yeah."

"Get something with alcohol," Itachi ordered lightly. "If we're going to drink, do it _right_."

Deidara rose without complaint as the unvoiced section of the sentence flittered through Itachi's mind. As always, he kept his expression neutral- if he was going to try new things and act like a _normal_ person, he needed the courage to do so. He had limited experience with alcohol and had never overindulged in it before, but he'd been present when his brother had. He hid his smirk behind his glass as he looked across to Sasuke, remembering one particular evening that had ended with his brother _wearing_ some things that were best left to construction sites.

Deidara had approached his brother's table. Itachi watched them in interest and attempted to make out what was being said, but he was unable to do so. Deidara, the crafty devil, had one hand obscuring the side of his mouth as he if just _known_ Itachi was capable of lip reading.

"Hey," Deidara was whispering, crouching down next to the younger Uchiha. Sasuke eyed him cagily, another glass moments from his lips. "What's going on with your brother?"

Sasuke thought very carefully about his answer before giving it, knocking back the shot and fixing Deidara with an unreadable expression.

"Itachi's perfect, remember?" He reminded, also having the sense to recognise he needed to put one hand to the side of his mouth. He didn't miss Itachi's glare from across the room at doing so. "He hates to lose control of things."

"So he's okay with the idea of getting completely trashed? How does that work?"

"You heard me," Sasuke repeated slowly. "He hates losing control so he'll do anything to stop it."

"I don't-"

"You are both _really_ _fucking_ _stupid_ ," Sasuke snapped at him, rolling his eyes and sending Deidara scurrying without another word. He glanced across at Naruto, resting an elbow on the sticky table and laying his face against his palm. "Naruto? Can we restart the night? I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of strange dream."

"More drinks?" Naruto suggested with a grin.

"Why the hell not?"

-.-.-

Itachi was entirely unsure what events led to him leaning up against the wall outside the bar they'd been previously inside attempting not to throw up on his shoes, but he knew alcohol was involved somehow. Deidara had been too nervous to buy the more than the first drink- which had been finished in seconds- but apparently Sasuke wasn't, happily flitting past the table with the occasional mixed drink for him that tasted suspiciously like more than a single shot.

"Uchiha Itachi?" He heard a voice from the doorway near him, glancing up to see two people from his class looking at him inquisitively. He gave them a short wave, ignoring their surprise.

"That would be me," he replied, sounding marginally slurred. He blinked in astonishment- he was certain he had banished any outward signs of his excessive alcohol consumption. He was standing up straight, after all, even if he was using the wall for support.

"You look awful. Are you alright?"

"Fine," he replied airily. Which he was- apart from the nausea he felt absolutely, one hundred and ten percent _fine_! How could he look awful?

"You don't normally come out, do you? Are you sure you're alright?"

"He's with me, yeah."

Deidara had appeared in the doorway, clutching what was either a glass of water or neat vodka. Itachi hoped it was the latter, disappointed when Deidara joined his side and he discovered it was indeed water when he was handed it to drink.

"You need to slow down," Deidara said quietly. "We've been here an hour and a half and you can barely stand already."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm standing, aren't I?"

Deidara removed the glass from Itachi's hand and pried his other hand off of the wall, looking sympathetic when the action sent Itachi to his knees. He picked himself back up as gracefully as he could, leaning back against the wall slowly as Deidara handed the water back with a sigh.

"Didn't you want this?" Itachi pointed out. "You _said_ we should get 'so wrecked we can't walk straight'."

"I was thinking we might crawl home around two am, not eight thirty," Deidara pointed out. "Come on, drink that water and come back inside, yeah. Are you still feeling sick?"

Itachi didn't respond, sipping the water and refusing to answer because it meant saying 'yes'.

He had no idea what Sasuke had said to Deidara, so was unaware his brother had been right. If he didn't drink he would brood, and if he brooded he would earn Deidara's attention. The idiot would hound him about what was wrong until he snapped and told him 'you're leaving and I don't want you to' and while Itachi _wanted_ to tell him, doing so while horrifically inebriated wasn't quite how he wanted things to go.

Itachi had found the easy answer to that potential issue- every time he opened his mouth he would sip something first and let his brain process whatever it was he had been intending to say before his mouth did. So far, it had worked. He had to be careful though- too _much_ alcohol would lower his guard more than intended and that just wouldn't do.

"I'll see you inside," Deidara told him when Itachi had been staring into space for a while, lost in his thoughts. "I'll buy you another drink but you aren't getting it until you drink that."

Deidara indicated the water Itachi was still clutching before heading back inside, leaving him to slip down to the floor next to the wall. Deidara was right- he needed to slow down, if only to stop the spinning in his head. He stared down into the water, breathing deeply to try and sober himself. It took a few minutes but the oxygen began to take effect, helping the dizziness fade a little.

"Hey."

He glanced to his right to see Sasuke standing in the doorway, looking a little awkward. He stepped outside and seated himself next to Itachi, wrapping his coat around himself as he did so.

"I can't believe I'm advocating this, but you need to tell him."

"He's going to be happy," Itachi replied bitterly. "Why should I be selfish and change that?"

"Because I honestly think he'd rather be here with you than on the other side of the country."

Itachi mulled that thought over for a moment, sipping the water wistfully before replying. "Why do you say that?"

"He and I just had a little chat."

Itachi glared at him sharply, relaxing a little when Sasuke shook his head in answer to his question. Though, considering neither of them could usually stand to be in the same room as one another, the idea of a 'little chat' was still disconcerting.

"No, I didn't say anything," Sasuke clarified. "That isn't my place. I congratulated him-"

"You did?" Itachi interrupted, looking impressed.

"Well, I _did_ want to tell him to hurry the fuck up and leave, but I have your interests at heart, not mine," Sasuke shrugged. "I asked if he was looking forward to it, that's all. He said 'yes and no'. I asked if he could elaborate and he said something that proves to me just how clueless you are."

"Go on."

"He said you told him to go. Are you stupid? That isn't how that kind of thing is supposed to work. If you want him to stay you're supposed to say so- he isn't a mind reader."

"No," Itachi disagreed. "As his friend I'm supposed to support him in whatever he wishes to do. He's wanted to go to that college for a long time, Sasuke. Who am I to take that from him?"

"But you don't want to be his friend," Sasuke pointed out. "You want more than that, so different rules apply. Trust me, I don't think he'd be very upset if you went in there and told him how you felt."

Itachi waved a hand at him, tipping the water he was holding into the bush next to him. "Tell him I drank that, would you?" He requested, slowly pulling himself to his feet. He swayed but stayed upright without the support of the wall, ignoring the scathing look Sasuke was giving him.

"And if I don't?"

"I'll tell the barmaid you're underage."

"You vindictive prick," Sasuke muttered, pulling himself upright as well. "Fine. You will get home in one piece tonight, won't you?"

"I'm sure I'll manage."

Sasuke eyed him for a moment, shaking his head with a heavy sigh. "You're going to be so fucked up tomorrow," he remarked before heading back inside, leaving Itachi to glare at the spot he had just been standing in.

Once he got back inside, Deidara had kept his word. Another alcoholic drink sat waiting for him and Sasuke gave him a wink, indicating he'd kept his side of the deal. Itachi gave him a tiny smile back, sitting back down and looking slightly guilty.

"Drinking game?" He declared after a moment, picking up the shot in front of him and knocking it back. It was against his better judgment, but he had long since stopped caring.

Deidara looked undecided before he sighed and nodded. "Why not?" He agreed with a shrug. "If you're not going to take it easy there's no reason for me to then either, yeah."

"Then I'll get the drinks."

-.-.-

"Itachi?"

Itachi opened his weary eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the street lamp directly above his head. He brought his hand up as a visor, squinting and trying to remember if Itachi was even his name, let alone what he was doing lying on the floor underneath a streetlight.

Deidara was kneeling next to him, looking a little hazy as well. "Oh, you're not dead," he commented lightly.

Itachi really rather wished he was. His head was pounding and he couldn't see straight- attempting to get off of the floor was going to be absolutely impossible, but was entirely essential. He couldn't even make out his surroundings except for the blinding light above him, which he waved a hand at in an attempt to make it stop. Deidara laughed slightly, shaking his side.

"Come on, we have to go home. You can't lie in the street like this."

"Where...?" Itachi tried, swallowing a few times to moisten his throat. "Where are we?"

"We were walking home, yeah. Did I win the drinking game? I _think_ I can stand up but I _know_ you can't."

Crawling was undignified, Itachi told himself, but it didn't stop him doing it because Deidara was correct in his assumption. The action caused Deidara to almost howl with laughter, putting a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Not so perfect now, yeah," he commented. "Take it slow and stand up. I promised your brother I'd get you home safely."

"I'm never perfect around you."

Itachi spoke the words that were invading his mind without even thinking about it, clenching his fingers on the pavement below him as he pushed himself to a stand. Deidara grabbed him immediately, supporting him as they began to walk.

"I _can't_ be imperfect without you," Itachi continued, his voice tormented. "I can't bring myself to do it."

"I'm sure you'll get by," Deidara replied far too soberly after a moment of quiet contemplation. "You were doing just fine before I showed up."

"I was doing _terribly_ before you showed up."

"No-one could tell, yeah. Isn't that what you wanted in the first place?"

"No," Itachi whispered. "But I _have_ to be _perfect_ , don't I?"

"I know," Deidara replied, sounding a little more sober. "That's why we haven't had the conversation we need to yet."

Itachi blinked a few times, halting and putting a hand to the fence they were next to. "Conversation?"

"You and I both know what we need to talk about," Deidara told him evenly. "It has to be you, Itachi. I can't start it, yeah. Your need to be perfect- it's more important at the moment, right?"

"More important?"

"Than me."

"No!" Itachi replied immediately, but his eyes screamed yes because nothing was more important than the complex- Itachi's happiness included. The look didn't go unnoticed by Deidara, who gently pulled on Itachi's arm to get him walking once more.

"Don't lie," he whispered. "I've had enough of the lies and the shields and all of that."

"That's all I know _how_ to do," Itachi snapped back at him. He hadn't disguised the bitterness but the words themselves spoke his true mood well enough. "I only know _how_ to be perfect. I don't know how to be _me_."

"If you talk now you're going to regret it," Deidara told him softly after a long pause, sounding regretful. "If it's so important to you, tell me tomorrow if you can remember this conversation, yeah."

"Will you still be there in the morning?" Itachi asked, looking at him with anguished eyes that threatened to break Deidara's heart.

"Yes," Deidara nodded certainly. "I'll be there."


	13. Let Me Clarify This For You, Idiot

He was dying. He was actually dying or, at least, he _hoped_ he might to end the pain.

Itachi forcefully dragged his eyes open, a soft moan escaping his lips as he dragged his arm up to cover his face. He was fully clothed, lying on his bed with absolutely no knowledge of how he had got there and feeling so horrifically sick he didn't dare to even breathe, let alone move.

"You're awake?"

Deidara was sitting at his desk, looking far too refreshed for someone who had been drinking as well. Itachi dragged his hand off his face slightly to glance across to him before covering his eyes again without a word.

"Do you want a coffee? Maybe some breakfast?"

"Painkillers," Itachi breathed.

"No," Deidara disagreed. "You're not supposed to drink and take painkillers."

"I'm not drinking right now am I?" Itachi hissed at him, willing himself to just _die_ and get the process over with. He was never touching another drop of alcohol ever, _ever_ again, he decided.

"You're still going to have a lot of alcohol in your system. I don't want to be the reason you walk away from this with even more liver damage, yeah. Drink some water and give it a couple of hours."

"I'm not drinking anything," Itachi declared, pulling himself into a sitting position with a hiss of pain. The nausea amplified and he held a hand to his head, squeezing his eyes closed and wishing Deidara away so he wouldn't embarrass himself too much if he threw up on the floor.

"I'll get you some water," Deidara disagreed, slipping from the room as Itachi attempted to collect his thoughts and put them in order. Had he said or done anything wrong? He couldn't think of anything, which was a relief, but then again he couldn't remember very much either so it wasn't a hugely comforting thought. He hid under the covers and ignored the water Deidara offered him by simply staying there despite sensing the other's presence in the room once more.

"I need to finish packing," Deidara told him eventually, the clink of glass touching wood catching Itachi's attention as he presumably put the water down. "If I leave you alone you aren't going to die on me, are you?"

"I hope so," Itachi muttered. His mind whirred with Deidara's words- packing? Did he even have enough things in the house to pack, now? How had that happened?

The telephone ringing caught their attention and Itachi moaned, pulling the cover tighter over his head. Deidara hovered uncertainly for a moment before taking the opportunity to answer it for the first time, looking awkward when he held the cordless receiver out to Itachi a few moments later.

"It's Sasuke."

Itachi reached out and snatched the phone, putting it to his ear and trying to ignore the pounding in his head as Deidara slipped back out the room to give him privacy. "Yes?"

"I'm glad you got home in the end," Sasuke noted, amusement in his tone. "Do you feel as dreadful as you looked last night?"

"I don't remember much of last night," Itachi murmured, closing his eyes tightly and pulling the cover back over his head. "Nothing past about nine or ten anyway."

"Do you remember Deidara having to drag you outside because you couldn't walk?"

Itachi sighed, shame burning his cheeks. "No. I remember you were there at all though, which is more than you should have been."

"Thanks for not yelling at me about that," Sasuke told him quietly. "I appreciate it."

"You're not a kid anymore," Itachi replied quietly. "You might be underage for drinking but I really couldn't care less what you do or don't do as long as you're sensible."

"I wish Dad could see it that way. I was right- you _are_ a lightweight."

"Thank you for the helpful observation," Itachi breathed, swallowing a few times against a bout of nausea. "Aren't you hung over?"

"Me? No I feel fine because I know how to pace my evening."

"I _asked_ you how I could do that without getting hung over," Itachi accused lightly, feeling a little cheated.

"No amount of correct pacing was going to stop you feeling horrible today," Sasuke informed him, sounding a little sympathetic. "Every time I looked at you, you seemed to have _something_ in your hands."

Itachi knew better than to argue something that was probably correct so he stayed quiet, wishing Sasuke would get to the point so he could die in peace.

"Did you speak to Deidara at all?" Sasuke finally asked when they had been silent long enough.

"No."

"So you're going to let him just walk out of your life?"

"Don't be melodramatic."

"You're not normally this stupid. Have you been making a special effort lately?"

"Get to the _point_ , Sasuke."

"You should tell him."

"Do you have to do this now?" Itachi sighed, putting a hand to his forehead. "I don't think I can comprehend much right now."

"Fine, I understand. Hangovers are awful- recover soon, okay? I'm going to drop by tomorrow if you don't speak to him and he does actually leave. Just call me when."

Itachi understood why he had offered immediately, feeling rather loved by the gesture. "Alright- thanks."

"Take care, Itachi. It was nice to see you lighten up like that, you know- you should come out with me again sometime."

"How about tomorrow night?" Itachi muttered.

"Talk to him," Sasuke urged softly, ignoring the comment. "When you're feeling better anyway. I'll talk to you later."

"Later, Sasuke."

Itachi hung up and gently placed the cordless phone on the bedside table next to him, retreating to his hiding place beneath the covers once more. If Deidara asked he was feeling unwell- which wasn't entirely a lie- but in reality he simply didn't want to acknowledge what was going on around him. If he couldn't see it, it wasn't there.

He mentally chided his own immaturity- he knew better than that. That didn't stop him staying hidden under the covers like a frightened child, ignoring the movement in the room that suggested Deidara was now there.

He risked a peak out from under the covers to see Deidara was hovering by his bedside, seeing his quick observation from beneath the bedspread as an invitation to sit down.

"Do you remember much of last night, yeah?"

"I just had that conversation with Sasuke and the answer is no. I definitely don't remember anything past nine or ten- apparently you dragged me outside to leave."

"I dragged you _home_ ," Deidara explained. "You don't remember anything about that?"

Itachi thought for a moment, knowing Deidara was hinting to something and that he should have been remembering what that what. Unfortunately, minus the blinding light, he was drawing a blank.

"A street lamp," he eventually answered.

"Anything else?"

"No. Sorry, nothing. How did we get home?"

Deidara exhaled heavily, averting his eyes to the half-packed suitcase lying on the floor nearby. "I told you- I dragged you."

"You were sober enough to do that?"

"It was either that or leave you lying in the middle of the street," Deidara remarked, getting up and kneeling down next to the tan coloured case as Itachi had the grace to look a little shamed.

"What time are you leaving?" Itachi asked when he'd observed Deidara fiddling with the case without packing anything into it for a few long, apprehensive minutes.

"About ten. How long does it take to walk from here to the train station?"

"I'll give you a lift."

"You'll be at college, right?"

"I'll skip."

Deidara glanced at him over his shoulder, a curious smile on his face. "You'll skip?" He echoed. "That's a first."

Itachi simply hid back under the cover again, unable to keep the wounded look in his eyes hidden any longer. Every interaction they shared was _killing_ him and he was struggling to deal with it, especially with the hangover on top. He needed to stop feeling terrible so he could enjoy their last day together.

Last day... He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth to sting that thought brought him- he wasn't the type of person to sit around and mope about things like some kind of pining teenage girl but Deidara just seemed to hit all the right buttons to make it happen.

"Itachi?"

Itachi didn't dare glance out from the covers. "What?"

"I dropped by my place this morning to pick up my case and some things. You know I barely have anything left there, yeah? I think I moved in at some point."

"Yes," Itachi agreed dully. "I think you did."

-.-.-

Itachi slept lightly through the morning- at least, he thought he'd been sleeping lightly but a discovery upon his arousal from slumber declared that in order to be _handcuffed_ to the bed, he must have slept a little deeper than he'd suspected. Deidara was standing over him, snapping photos and giving him a huge, wicked smile.

"What the _hell_?" Itachi growled out, looking up with half lidded eyes. He was feeling a lot more human thanks to eventually forcing Deidara to bring him painkillers and snatching more sleep, but this sudden interaction led him to think he may still have been dreaming.

"That's the closest I've ever heard to a curse from you," Deidara commented with a grin as he snapped another photo.

"... _What_?"

"Does that mean I really got you this time?"

Itachi didn't dignify him with an answer, yanking on the restraint violently instead.

"I needed an assignment to take to my new college," Deidara explained calmly as Itachi struggled. "This is a representation of our need to be chained to sleep, yeah."

"No," Itachi said slowly. "It's the representation of a sex act that some people take pleasure in. Take the cuffs _off_."

"Oh? You like being chained up? That's pretty kinky."

Itachi felt heat on his cheeks and buried his face in his pillow to hide it. No, that was not what he meant! The _idiot_ -

His chain of thought was promptly halted by Deidara grabbing a handful of his hair and yanking it back so he pulled his face out of the pillow, moaning seductively as he felt the back of his head sting and his back arch with the forced change in position. Oh, so he liked it rough did he? That was a new one on him, and he was rather glad to be lying on his stomach under a cover at that moment as his body quickly reacted as well.

He realised when Deidara had stopped in the middle of snapping a photo to stare at him like he was on fire that the sound _had_ actually come from his mouth.

"That's an odd noise to make, yeah," Deidara eventually said, letting go of Itachi's hair slowly with reddened cheeks. "That didn't sound like pain."

" _Take them off_!" Itachi yelled at him, burying his face back in the pillow.

"I think I just had a flash of inspiration, yeah," Deidara replied, sinking down onto the edge of the bed. "Since the representation of the chains of sleep has been broken by you now being awake-"

"Stop talking about art and _take the freaking handcuffs off_!"

"-I think I need to change the subject to the link between certain activities and sexual arousal."

"What does that have to do with art?!" Itachi snapped, finally lifting his head out of the pillow and turning to glare at Deidara.

Deidara grinned at him, a wicked look in his eye. "It doesn't."

Itachi simply stared, rendered completely speechless. He needed a cold shower, he decided. A _really_ cold shower. His mind was starting to run over all the incredible things he could do to the blond in front of him and he could feel his breath hitch as he mulled it over, swallowing hard to stop it. He was not going to pant like a dog into his pillow while mentally screwing Deidara. He was not!

There was telltale heat on his cheeks again, he noted. Deidara was still staring at him and Itachi was pretty sure it was because his dark eyes were lustful and lidded with desire.

"Its guys you like, yeah?"

"You know it is," Itachi growled deeply at him, pulling against his restraints.

"Just checking," Deidara replied airily. "Are you done being blind yet?"

"What the _hell-_ "

Deidara silenced him with a finger to his lips. "To get you to lose your cool, I have to handcuff you to the bed? If only I'd known that earlier, yeah."

" _Deidara_!" Itachi yelled at him, tensing against the restraints once more in protest.

"Just calm down and think," Deidara told him instead, rising from the bed and exiting the room. Itachi stared at his retreating back, too stunned to call out to him or really, to process much at all.

He had said _calm down_. Itachi's eyes widened in horror when he realised that might have meant sexually, but he brushed the thought aside and attempted not to concentrate on it. Or did Deidara _want_ him to? He growled in frustration as he forced himself to do as requested and try to analyse what was being asked of him.

Think. He could do that. When had his mind been reduced to such a simple way of thinking? He closed his eyes with an irritated sigh- _stupid_ Deidara! He drew a blank as he tried to think articulately, finally just staring down at his pillow and trying to focus on other things that weren't handcuffs and wild sexual desires involving a certain artist.

Deidara was planning to extract some detail of information out of him- possibly a piece he may have alluded to the night before. He felt quite proud of such a coherent thought before it was shattered by the door opening once again.

"Alright now?"

Itachi glared at Deidara and tugged against the handcuffs. "Take them off _right this second_."

"We're going to talk, yeah," Deidara declared, leaning back against the wall next to the door and indicating Itachi. "Go on."

"Am I supposed to know what to say?" Itachi replied curtly, feeling the last threads of his patience close to snapping- rather like his wrists might if he kept yanking at the restraint he realised, as pulling once again caused his wrists to throb and ache. He let his hands drop to the pillow- it was futile because Deidara clearly had no intentions of letting him go just yet.

"I'm leaving tomorrow."

The remark wasn't unexpected, and Itachi already knew how to answer. "I'm aware."

"Are you going to accept that?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Aren't you going to miss me?"

Deidara looked genuinely hurt, clasping his hands together and glancing down at the carpet sadly. Itachi had never felt quite so cornered before, especially since the ability to run had currently been cut off. He was thankful they weren't in eye contact at least for such an awkward question, though admittedly it had an easy answer.

"Of course," he answered quietly, respecting Deidara enough not to dance around the issue. "I'm not very good with talking about how I feel though, am I?"

Deidara laughed outright at that, muffling it with a hand over his mouth. Itachi frowned, unsure what was so amusing.

"You can say that again," Deidara eventually answered when he recovered. "You're awful at it, yeah. I suppose it's for the best- I don't think I could handle you crying all over me anyway."

"You're going to make yourself happy," Itachi pointed out. "Why would I be sad when I'm happy for you?"

"Are you really? Please be honest with me, Itachi, because I'm getting pretty fed up with running around in circles and never knowing what you're thinking."

Itachi ignored the parallel he felt that statement presented to answer the question. "Truthfully?"

He opened his mouth to continue but faltered, looking down at his pillow as though it would hold the answers he needed.

He was frightened of unsettling his perfect little facade of a life to officially introduce someone so flighty and _imperfect_ , even if he was imperfect in an ideal way. He was utterly aware of it and felt he could do nothing to change it, even if Deidara returned the sentiment- which Itachi was beginning to think that he might. Deidara was a huge part of his life regardless but just as he hadn't officially moved in, they were still simply friends who shared a living space and didn't actually live together properly. Of course not, because that was a step too far- far too big a crack in the perfect armour for Itachi to allow.

His thoughts were making no sense and Deidara was waiting patiently for a reply. He closed his eyes, feeling pressured and unsure for the first time in his life how to create a perfect opening out of it.

"I'm a jerk," he eventually answered, opening his eyes to fix Deidara with a steady gaze. "I'm a selfish jerk who was too frightened to let you into my life, only to now be frightened at the prospect of you leaving it. Yes, I _am_ going to miss you and forgive me in advance if I _do_ cry all over you because I'm absolutely terrible at dealing with my own feelings."

"I doubt you will," Deidara replied after a second. "You're a master puppeteer, remember? You're not a selfish jerk, yeah. I just want you to be honest with me."

"Why don't you start being honest yourself?" Itachi remarked, his voice tense as he realised he was losing control of the conversation. "You've been just as unreadable as I have, if not worse!"

"I've been pretty straight with you, yeah." Deidara paused, a tiny smile tugging at his lips in response to an apparently unsaid joke. "It isn't my fault you're incapable of seeing what's beneath the underneath."

"We're not all gifted artists capable of seeing multiple layers to things," Itachi bit back. "Sorry to disappoint you."

"You don't disappoint me, yeah. I've done so many things to try and see _you_ , Itachi. The _real_ you- not the image you project to everybody. I caught a glimpse once the day you came to me and cried at college. You were so tired- you couldn't keep it up and you know what? I loved that."

Itachi stared at him, eyes slightly widened in shock as the words alone dissipated the anger he'd been feeling. "You did?"

"How much closer do I need to get to see you?" Deidara asked passionately, throwing his hands up in frustration. "Just tell me! I don't have much time and I want to experience it again because I like _you_ , in all your imperfect pretend perfect glory and I'm fed up with being confronted with a glass wall every time I speak to you lately, yeah. Do you know why you're handcuffed to the bed?"

The question was rhetorical, but Itachi had a few choice words in mind for an answer. He chose to keep them to himself and said nothing so Deidara could continue.

" _Because_ I want you to remember what we spoke about yesterday."

Itachi narrowed his eyes in thought, desperately wracking his mind to try and remember more than just the blinding streetlight and the distinct impression he might have crawled at some point.

"I said if it was important enough for you to remember, then we'd talk today."

Itachi shook his head slowly, the hint not helping him. "You can't expect me to remember much about last night," he protested weakly.

"I know it's a long shot, but just try."

Itachi sighed and shook his head again. "I can't, Deidara."

"If handcuffing you to the bed doesn't work to help you remember, then what the hell will?" Deidara muttered, folding his arms and narrowing his eyes in thought.

"Oh it worked alright," Itachi uttered to himself, barely audible. "I'm not going to get on my knees and beg you stay just because I'm going to miss you. Is that what you wanted me to do?"

Deidara shrugged. "Maybe. But I get it- it's not going to happen. I thought you said you were selfish but I don't see it. If you were, you would be."

"I'm selfish for even thinking that I should ask you to stay," Itachi replied quietly. "I'm not going to act on that."

"But you'd like me to?"

"I want you to be happy," Itachi clarified, unwilling to admit Deidara was right even if the other appeared to be pushing for that. "Fulfil the dream you've had for years, Deidara, it'll make you happier in the long run. Sure, it'll be difficult adjusting but-"

"Can you _please_ cut the bullshit?" Deidara requested sharply. "I don't care what you think you _should_ be telling me, can you just tell me what you _want_ to say? How many times do I have to ask this, because this is the final time! I _can't_ be the one to do this- I warned you last night, and I've just warned you again. _You_ have to tell me what's important and what you want, not what you think _I_ want."

Itachi was completely, utterly aware of the words he _should_ have been saying but they just wouldn't come. He choked as he tried to speak, finally turning his attention to his pillow and shrugging dismissively.

"I can't," he finally admitted. "Can we just leave it at that?"

Deidara studied him for a moment longer before simply shrugging as well, apparently willing to give up the conversation. "Fine. That was your last chance. I'm going to finish packing- I'm glad you're feeling better, yeah."

"Take these-"

Deidara was already out of the room before Itachi could finish, the door closing on the last of his request. Itachi frowned slightly before doing something he hadn't done it a long time.

" _Deidara_ ," he called, raising his voice. "Don't do this- I'm sorry."

He hadn't apologised to anyone for as long as he could remember- not because he was conceited, but purely because he felt he'd had no need to. Being perfect meant he rarely got on the wrong side of people, after all. That didn't mean the action came easily for him, and he closed his eyes when Deidara peeked around the edge of the door.

"Please take these off," he asked softly, tugging lightly against his restraints and following it with a repeated, quiet apology.

"For what?" Deidara asked as he stepped across the room and finally did as requested, leaving Itachi to rub his wrists and wince slightly.

"For having to be perfect," Itachi whispered before fleeing from the room, thankful to finally be able to escape. He had no idea if Deidara was going to pursue but he took the option of his hands by vanishing into the bathroom and slamming the door deliberately to alert his friend that he was in no mood for talking.

He sank down against the back of the door, trying to ignore the shaking that had taken hold of him relentlessly. Meeting Deidara had been both a blessing and a curse- currently a curse, he decided as he attempted to get up from the floor to save himself from feeling quite so pitiable. He got as far as leaning forward onto his knees, hands clutching at the burgundy carpeting beneath him as he realised he didn't have the strength to do so.

Deidara had filled a void Itachi was unaware he had but he had completely shattered his facade along with it. Was he ready to face the world without that mask? He thought carefully as he stared down at the carpet, shaking with silent sobs he hadn't even realised were present until he could taste salt on his lips.

The answer was a resounding 'no'. He was incapable of living without his perfection complex, incapable of living without Deidara, and unable to have both.

He pulled his hands up to cover his face as he wept, the feeling cathartic as he released the pent up frustration he had been feeling since the day Deidara kissed his way into his life. He really _was_ acting like lovesick teenager- a pathetic, imperfect, utterly _infatuated_ idiot that was going to let the first person he'd be _willing_ to change for walk away, all because he was unable to force himself to do so. Deidara had given him his last chance- he had said so himself.

Outside the door Deidara was wishing he was deaf so he didn't have to listen to the cries of the only person that truly mattered to him, finally stepping away and leaving him alone so he didn't have to. He was completely aware Itachi wasn't the only stupid one in the house, but Deidara could do nothing but leave things in the hands of fate and one currently incapacitated, clueless idiot. The perfection complex needed to be caged for things to work and the only one with the key was Itachi.


	14. Chase The Dream

The following morning was tense as they shared breakfast together- rather, Deidara ate toast and Itachi opted simply for coffee. When Deidara had attempted to tactfully point out he hadn't eaten the day before either, Itachi had muted him with a sharp glare that suggested it would be wise for him not to comment.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay skipping college to take me, yeah?" Deidara finally spoke, breaking the silence hanging in the air like a cloying mist.

"I'm going to go there from the station," Itachi replied, his voice devoid of any emotion at all. "I'll only be an hour or so late."

"But you've never been late."

"I came home once though," Itachi pointed out. "I'm sure arriving an hour late and blaming it on sleeping in could be considered acceptable just this once. Either that or I can tell them my metaphorical cat ate my keys."

"You never did replace your clock," Deidara reminded him, looking amused at the reminder of one of their earlier conversations. "Without me around to wake you, you should probably do that."

Itachi pointedly ignored him, sipping his coffee and keeping his eyes on the table in front of them. He didn't need reminding of the morning's events- he'd barely slept all night for thinking about them, after all. He'd heard Deidara up and around at points in the night as well, indicating he too had been restless.

"Are you excited?" He asked quietly.

"I don't like long journeys," Deidara replied, looking troubled. "How am I going to fill that much time on the train?"

"Draw something. Take photos. There's plenty you can do- you're going to be passing through many lovely cities on your way."

"I suppose," Deidara sighed, turning his attention back to his toast with a heavy sigh. Itachi turned his own to his coffee, finishing it and depositing the mug in the sink. Normally he'd wash it right away but he just couldn't muster the energy to care much about it that morning. He'd barely had the energy to even get out of the bed and take a shower but he'd forced himself to do so- as tempting as staying in bed all day was, he couldn't let Deidara leave alone.

"Are you ready?" He called over his shoulder from the doorway, clenching his car keys so tightly in his hand that his knuckles ached and his palm protested in pain.

"Yeah," Deidara called, pulling himself to a stand from the table. "I appreciate this, yeah."

"It's no trouble," Itachi replied bleakly, picking up Deidara's case and heading out into the hall. He felt like he was walking through a dream- a nightmare, rather, his feet propelling themselves forward and to the front door with very little effort on his behalf.

Deidara stepped out past him and closed the door- the last time he would, Itachi noted. He mentally shook himself out of it, heading down the garden path and putting the case on the backseat.

"Shotgun," Deidara called lightly from behind him, opening up the passenger door with a small smile.

" _I'm_ hardly going to ride shotgun, am I?" Itachi replied lightly. "Unless you have a driver's license I don't know about."

"You wouldn't let me drive your car even if I did, yeah."

"True," Itachi shrugged, smiling despite his sullen mood as he slipped into the driver's seat. The atmosphere between them was so tense he could barely breathe, feeling as though he was going to choke on the nauseating feeling clenching his stomach as he started the car.

He flicked the radio on, focusing on the lyrics of the upbeat song on the radio to save himself from his own thoughts.

' _. . .Once you came to me and brought to me some chance of happiness. . .should I say goodbye to all of this or should I tell you all the rest?. . .'_

He roughly snapped the channel over, cursing his own misfortune for such apt lyrics as he settled on a station playing preppy meaningless pop, the music slicing through the air almost inappropriately. The ambience in the car didn't call for such sounds, but Itachi let it stay and attempted to focus on that instead. Deidara said nothing of his actions.

He parked the car at the train station far too soon for his liking, taking the case off of the backseat as Deidara protested lightly.

"I'm capable of carrying it, yeah."

Itachi gave no response and simply clutched it tighter when Deidara tried to take it from him, obstinately heading towards the building looming over them like a dark cloud.

They walked through the crowded train station side by side, Itachi still clenching hold of the case despite Deidara weakly attempting to take it.

"Stop making me look like some kind of girl, yeah. I can carry it!"

Itachi wasn't going to voice his real motive behind doing so- it gave him reason to follow Deidara out to the platform, even though simply saying 'I want to send you off' would have sufficed. Of course, Itachi could never do things the simple way.

They had four minutes to spare by the time they got to the relevant platform, having worked their way through the maze of underground tunnels and neon announcement boards. Itachi finally relinquished his hold on the case and put it to the floor, mentally cursing the noisy clock they had chosen to stand beneath as it ticked down the seconds until the train would be arriving to take away the one person who made him feel alive.

"Hey, smile would you?" Deidara requested lightly, nudging his arm gently. "I'm moving away- I'm not dying."

Itachi gave him a weak smile in return, shrugging awkwardly. "I know," he replied softly, not trusting his voice to speak anything further. He wasn't a sentimental person by nature but that didn't stop him from feeling utterly wretched about the situation. He wanted nothing more than to simply run away and let Deidara get on the train himself so he wouldn't have to say goodbye, but he stayed- he wasn't going to miss their final minutes for anything.

"Itachi?"

Deidara was gazing at him with suspiciously bright eyes, giving him a taunt smile. Itachi gave him one that was equally strained, clenching his hands tightly in his pockets. He could feel his fingernails digging into his palms but he continued to do it, barely registering that it was painful just like he had done with his keys earlier.

"Thanks for making life fun, yeah?" Deidara finally spoke. "It's going to be different without you around. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for."

Itachi simply nodded, staying mute as he knew it was the only way to keep his perfect mask in place.

"Whoever ends up taking my place is going to be lucky," Deidara continued, glancing up at the sky and folding his arms across his chest.

"No-one could," Itachi finally ventured, feeling quite proud of how steady his voice was. "You're unique."

"If you ever end up in a relationship, you'll tell me won't you?"

Itachi laughed shortly, averting his eyes down the train track. The sound of a horn in the distance had alerted him and he could see the hazy image of the train they were waiting for approaching further down the line.

"It definitely was guys you liked, wasn't it?"

Itachi whipped around to face him, hiding his surprise at the direction of the conversation well. "Yes. I said so yesterday."

"Right. So it _is_ just me you don't like, then?"

Itachi's breath caught in his throat and he risked another glance towards the oncoming train before turning back to Deidara. "What do you mean?" He asked, despite knowing exactly what that meant as it threatened to weaken his ability to stand upright.

Deidara gave him another smile, looking forlorn as he did so. "I may as spell it out for you, yeah? I fell for you. That's why I turned down the scholarship in the first place- because it seemed you liked me too."

Itachi was unable to speak so he simply turned at the sound of the train horn once more, closer this time, turning back with widened eyes as Deidara continued.

"But I got the impression I was wrong when you seemed to ignore all my hints. So I asked you whether I should stay or not- I hoped you'd tell me to stay but you told me I should go, so here I am. I gave you one last chance yesterday to tell me I was wrong, but you didn't." He laughed slightly, gazing down at the faded white safety line between the track and the platform and putting a foot to it nervously. "I told myself not to bring it up with you because you needed to put me before your need to be perfect, and I'm not perfect am I? I knew you couldn't just accept me, yeah."

"You...?" Itachi finally managed to get out, hearing the electric humming of the train pulling up next to them. He didn't dare look at it, watching as Deidara picked up his case from the floor.

"I know I don't have a mobile but I'll find a way to call when I arrive, yeah," Deidara was saying, but Itachi was barely listening by now. He reached out and grabbed Deidara's arm as the door whooshed open, halting him in place. They were in the way of the people trying to get off but he didn't care- he had precious seconds to make this right.

"I do like you," he said hurriedly. "No- I love you. At least I think I do, because I've never felt anything like the feeling I get with you. I'm the idiot, not you. I was frightened and I told you to go because that's what I thought I _should_ be doing." He clutched Deidara's arm so tightly he felt he'd need to apologise later for hurting him, but he had no time to do so right then. "I never wanted you to go. I hate every second of this and the last thing I want you to do is step on that train."

He paused to take a breath, exhaling heavily in relief that he'd finally got the words off of his chest as Deidara stared at him with widening eyes. "And you know what? If swallowing my pride and begging you to stay means being imperfect then here I am. Forgive me, Deidara, and give me a chance."

Deidara stared at him in disbelief, one foot half on the train and one foot still on the platform. "Are you seriously giving me about ten seconds to decide my life?" He asked incredulously. "Itachi- you- for heaven's sake- talk about timing. It's a risk, yeah. If I don't go they won't give me my place back a third time."

"I know," Itachi told him, desperation lacing his voice. "I know, I'm sorry."

" _This_ is what I hoped you'd finally say," Deidara pointed out slowly, keeping one foot in the train doorway. "But I gave you only one last chance."

"I said I wouldn't get on my knees and beg but if you don't start giving me answers I will," Itachi countered anxiously, all traces of his perfect composure replaced with an agonized, pleading expression that he never thought he'd be capable of wearing.

"On or off," the conductor called from down the line, indicating Deidara's indecisive foot in the door.

"Stay," Itachi pleaded once more. "Deidara- please. _Stay_."

The few seconds that passed did so far too slowly for Itachi's liking, waiting with baited breath for Deidara to hopefully step back off the train or perhaps to say something positive. He was still standing with one foot on and one foot off much to the conductor's chagrin, looking contemplative.

"Are you getting on or off?" The conductor called again impatiently.

"We can never do things simply, can we?" Deidara sighed finally, stepping fully onto the train much to Itachi's dismay. "I'll call or come back or something, yeah. I'll be in contact- just give me some time to think. You need some time to think, too."

Itachi quickly stepped one foot up onto the train, earning a yell of annoyance from the conductor as he stayed that way. "If you decide not to stay...?"

The incomplete sentence hung in the air for a few moments before Deidara voiced it, looking down at the floor.

"Then this is goodbye, yeah."

Itachi hesitated, his chest tight and his breathing arduous- he pushed it aside and grabbed hold of one of Deidara's hands gently.

"Thank you for being you," he replied softly, tracing his knuckles with a gentle thumb. "And thank you for helping me become _me_."

"I didn't know you could be so sentimental, yeah," Deidara remarked, dropping his case and grabbing Itachi in a tight hug that almost winded him. "Stop thanking me."

"Can you _decide_ before I throw you off the train myself?!" The irate conductor called, striding up to them as they broke apart. "Come on, you're holding everyone up."

Itachi held a hand up to him to signify they would be a minute, pulling Deidara's hand down when he attempted to hold a hand up in a much ruder manner.

"If you stay, I hope you do well and you enjoy it," Itachi told him, keeping hold of the hand tightly as though he was afraid to let it go- which really, he was. He felt like he had just gained something in the last minute and he was unwilling to let go of it so soon.

He did however, stepping back onto the platform completely to allow the door to finally close between them with a soft whoosh. He locked eyes with Deidara through the glass, raising one hand in the air as the train began to move away and waving it just slightly. It was as much of a goodbye as he was willing to give, seeing it returned by Deidara before the train pulled out of the station.

Itachi watched it until it was out of sight, feeling like a mess as he attempted to shuffle his thoughts into something coherent. The only thing he could muster was 'Deidara is gone' before he gave up and pushed his hands into his pockets, keeping his eyes to the floor as he made his way out of the train station.

Once he was seated in his car he stared at the steering wheel numbly for a moment before deciding college could go to hell, pulling out his mobile phone.

"Sasuke?" He spoke as it connected. His voice was weaker than he wanted it to be- a fact that didn't go unnoticed by his sibling.

"He left?"

"He did."

"You _let_ him?"

Itachi closed his eyes, exhaling wearily. "Please spare me the lecture."

"I'll be right over."

Sasuke hung up, leaving Itachi to spend another temporary moment remembering how to drive before he managed to pull the car out of the car park and set himself on his way back. Sasuke would likely get there before he did, but that was alright with him- in fact, he preferred that idea. He didn't fancy the idea of walking back inside his once-shared home alone.

-.-.-

Sasuke was indeed waiting on his doorstep, pulling himself to a stand when Itachi pushed open the front gate and made his way up to him. If he was upset that Itachi hadn't been home he said nothing, waiting patiently for his brother to open the door and let them inside.

"Why did you let him go?" Sasuke asked the moment the front door was closed behind them. "You're such an idiot!"

"I'm aware," Itachi murmured, brushing past him and into the living room. He sat on the sofa and curled his knees up to his side, not even glancing at Sasuke as he knelt down on the floor in front of him instead of sitting beside him.

"Did you tell him?"

"Yes."

Sasuke's face darkened. "He still left? Do I need to chase him down and rip his throat out?"

"It's my fault," Itachi countered, shaking his head. "He gave me plenty of chances and I didn't take them. He said he'll be in contact but he needs time to think."

"What's to think about? He either likes you or he doesn't."

"He said he did."

Sasuke looked momentarily confused. "If he did, then what's to think about?"

"Life isn't always black and white, Sasuke," Itachi pointed out, remembering Deidara had said the same thing to him only a few days before. "It's shades of grey. He's wanted to go to that college forever and he convinced himself it was the right thing, and I gave him about ten seconds to decide otherwise. I don't blame him for needing time and space."

Sasuke still looked annoyed, but it soon settled into uneasiness as he eyed his brother carefully. "And how do you feel about that?"

Itachi thought that through for a moment. How _did_ he feel? He had been deliberately blocking his mind from thinking too deeply about it but he was unwilling to lift that seal right then, if ever.

"Do I have a right to feel anything other than regret?" He finally answered. Sasuke looked contemplative, finally nodding in agreement.

"I understand that, but you should feel pretty stupid too."

"Thank you Sasuke," Itachi breathed, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. He loved Sasuke for so many reasons, but his ability to be blunt and speak the truth even if painful was the main thing he had been hoping for when he had called. "That's just what I needed to hear."

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not."

"Neither can I."

Sasuke shifted uncomfortably on the floor, unsure what to say or do. "So why am I here?" He ventured after a moment. "What can I do?"

"Just be yourself."

"Is that wise? I can be a jerk, you know that."

Itachi glanced down at him, giving him a tiny smile. "You're not, Sasuke."

Sasuke eyed him for a another moment before getting up, sitting on the edge of the sofa next to Itachi and grabbing him tightly in a firm embrace. "You _moron_ ," he sighed, feeling Itachi tremble beneath his touch. "Why can't you just let yourself be happy, huh? Why do you have to fight it so hard? I _knew_ he liked you, I _told_ you that when you decided getting wrecked was easier than just opening your stupid perfect mouth and _talking_ to him."

Itachi simply buried his head in Sasuke's shoulder as he ranted, allowing himself to take the much needed comfort that he normally would have pushed away. He was the elder brother, after all- he was to give, not take, such acts.

"You're so fucking stupid," Sasuke concluded, sounding pained. "Itachi, I don't even know what to say anymore. You deserve to be happy."

"I think I want to go back to bed."

"That might be a good idea. Do you want me to stick around?"

Itachi pulled free of the hug, shaking his head as he did so and averting his eyes to the floor. He was so tired and drained- besides, if he slept, it would make Deidara appear quicker, surely? Hopefully?

"Get some rest. How about I make cinnamon cake before I go?"

The very idea of cinnamon cake completely broke whatever hold Itachi had left on his composure, forcing him up and out of the room in seconds. He blindly pushed his bedroom door open and fell messily onto the bed, burying his face in his pillow and trying to block the invading, lonely thoughts as he tried in vain to still the tears that demanded to fall.

"You're being pathetic," Sasuke told him from the doorway, but his voice wasn't malicious.

"I know."

"You're not a teenage girl or Naruto. Stop moping and go to sleep."

"I intend to."

"No you don't. You intend to cry into the pillow and bitch about what a terrible decision you made. I'm not going to let that happen."

Itachi wasn't expecting sympathy and nor did he want it, forcing himself to pull his head up and swallow shakily a few times before meeting his brother's determined eye.

"Besides," Sasuke continued when he had Itachi's attention. "He's a jackass. He doesn't deserve you moping about after him anyway."

"He isn't. You're just jealous he stole away some of my attention."

Sasuke faltered just slightly before heading into the room and sitting on the edge of the bed, putting a hand out to Itachi's shoulder. "Go to sleep," he suggested kindly. "I'll stay here until you do."

"You needn't."

"You don't want to be alone. You don't have to say it, it's radiating off you."

"I'd rather you left me alone if all you're going to do is insult me."

Sasuke laughed at that, letting his hand drop down to the bedspread. "I speak the truth. You wouldn't want me to sugar coat things for you."

"Of course not. Can I be honest with you for a moment, then?"

Sasuke nodded, looking a little confused as Itachi turned his gaze away, sighing heavily as he did so.

"I'm not perfect," he admitted, and Sasuke almost winced at how strained his brother's voice sounded with doing so. "I'm _not_ perfect," he repeated, stronger. "And I am human. I want you to get off of the bed, sit on the floor next to me so I can't see you and pretend I'm going straight to sleep, okay?"

"Okay," Sasuke agreed, slinking off of the bed onto the floor as asked. "And what are you actually going to do?"

"I think I love him," Itachi replied softly, closing his eyes to the wave of regret that washed over him as he spoke. "And he isn't here anymore. He might not come back. I'm going to allow myself a little pity, alright?"

"Do I have to agree?"

"No. We rarely agree, do we?"

"I suppose that's what brothers do, right?"

"Maybe. We're unique, you and I. Goodnight, Sasuke."

"It isn't night, but sleep well."

A tiny smile curved the corner of Itachi's lips, contrasting the tears in his eyes. "You're pedantic."

He buried his face back in his pillow, reining back the wrenching sobs that wanted to envelope him to muffled, softer cries instead. It didn't lessen the feeling of loss for his inaction any, wishing he could rip the need to be perfect from his body and fill the void it left with Deidara.

He immersed himself in the single moment of pity, telling himself he would not allow another whichever way the whole debacle ended. The only tears that would grace his pillow when he was done shedding the current ones would be born of happiness- not sadness, guilt or regret. He was through with such useless emotion, but right then it was all he had- the bitter tears of left over memories, smothered into the pillow much like he had smothered his own feelings on the matter in an attempt to pretend he wasn't human.

A hand snaked up the side of his bed and gently clutched his arm in consolation, making him jump. He had truly thought he was alone for a moment, his lips twisting bitterly as he realised he truly was a master of false perceptions.

"I'm going to _maim_ him for making you cry," Sasuke's oddly tight voice floated up to him.

"I'm asleep, Sasuke," Itachi answered, his voice weak and shaky.

"Of course you are," Sasuke replied bitterly, withdrawing his hand. "Silly me."


	15. Strength, And Then Some

Itachi was incredibly disappointed when he awoke a few hours later to find he was alone in the bedroom. He had been hoping Deidara would be waiting, but of course that was unrealistic. He didn't have a key for a start- yet another thoroughly brilliant non-move on his behalf, of course.

He pulled himself up to a sitting position and leant back against the headboard, trying to straighten his mind. Growling in frustration, he furiously rubbed the contacts he had left in by mistake out, ignoring the sting that resulted from his harsh treatment. He really did feel like an idiot in pretty much every way possible, tilting his head back and looking up at the ceiling as he attempted to ignore the throbbing he had caused.

He wasn't feeling much better. He really hoped he would but he knew until Deidara got in contact as promised and said he was coming home- yes, home, he'd get a key cut and everything- Itachi wouldn't be able to relax and feel good.

Sasuke was missing from the room. Itachi wasn't surprised but he simply didn't have the energy to go looking for him, pulling his knees up to his chest and encircling them in his arms tightly. It was lacklustre comfort but it was better than nothing, though he thanked that he wasn't feeling quite so self-piteous anymore.

He finally dragged himself out of the bed when he realised he was achieving nothing by staying, heading into the living room and being greeted by the sight of a small cinnamon cake resting on his table. Next to it was a roughly scrawled note in his brother's handwriting, leaving Itachi to fetch his glasses to read it while waiting for the kettle to boil.

_Itachi,_

_Save some for the idiot. I'm sure he'll come back and if he doesn't, I'll get his address and mail it to him with some anthrax or something. You know he doesn't deserve you, right?_

_If you need me to come back just give me a call, but I thought you might appreciate some space. Also- if you want things to work out, you need to do something about your complex ruling you. Break it somehow, okay? Even if he doesn't come back it'll do you some good._

_Sasuke_

Itachi lowered the note to the side with a heavy sigh, knowing Sasuke was right but unsure how to tackle the issue at hand. The complex was as much a part of him as his arms or legs were, and to try and force it away was similar to removing one of those. It was unhealthy and the original reasoning for its existence had passed but that didn't mean he was easily rid of it.

He had been trying at points like when they'd been out in the storm together, and unfortunately hadn't made much progress beyond a few bursts of courage in certain situations. It wasn't a long term solution- not by a long shot and that was what he needed.

His mind flittered back to Deidara as he took up a knife, retreating to the table with his coffee and cutting a slice of the cake. It was still warm, indicating Sasuke hadn't been gone very long, but he inwardly smiled as he took a bite- he preferred it that way, anyway.

How did a person go about changing their mental state? The first thing that came to mind was pills, which he ruled out. That wasn't quite what he meant- he wasn't someone who opened up easily anyway and least of all to a doctor. The second thing that presented itself was the one that frightened him the most- a lot of willpower and the desperate need to succeed.

He laughed slightly to himself, knowing that was eerily similar to the effort he put in to _be_ so perfect in the first place. The tables were turning quite nicely. Now, if only said tables could turn until he realigned his life with Deidara then he'd be a much happier person _and_ he'd forgive the brief interlude over the irony section of the life game-board, too.

-.-.-

The following day arrived with no sign of Deidara, leaving Itachi to wake at five am and resign himself to heading to college. He was beginning to lose a little hope- surely Deidara would have got off the train if he made his mind up, rather than travel the entire way to come back? There was only one reason Itachi could think that he would go all the way there for and it was one he refused to dwell on.

He was resistant to change. He had routines that he didn't dare deviate from, because if he followed the same set path he knew so well he wasn't liable to make mistakes. However he'd laid in bed the night before, unable to sleep because he'd been thinking over what Sasuke's note had told him. The complex had to go, regardless of the outcome between him and Deidara.

It was a frightening thought. He'd lived his entire memorable life under its curse- from being five years old and knowing coming top of his new class meant his father took him to the fair, to being sixteen and passing all his exams with the highest grades possible and earning a trip to Paris with his father for the weekend. Perfection reaped rewards and while he never really cared for the actual reward itself past the age of about eight, he _did_ care that it caused their hardworking father to spend some time with him.

He had realised he had a problem when he was fifteen. He should have noticed it sooner but it was Sasuke that pointed it out to him- ten year old Sasuke, who never had to fight for _his_ share of the parental affection. Itachi had been studying for his mock exams when Sasuke had come into his room, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching him curiously.

He had asked a simple, childlike question- 'they aren't _real_ exams, so why are you trying so hard?' Itachi had simply waved a hand at him to leave lest he lose his concentration, but his younger sibling was persistent. He had stated something Itachi had previously refused to acknowledge thinking about.

'Why do you try so hard to get Dad's attention? Is it really worth it?'

Itachi had lost his temper immediately, sworn at him and physically forced him to leave. Sasuke had cried and told on him and their mother had berated him for treating the youngest of the house in such a shameful manner, leaving him alone on the bedroom floor surrounded by paper, textbooks and a deafening guilty silence. He was taken aback by his own actions- he never lost his temper, he never let stress get the better of him, he _never_ cursed unless particularly provoked- which, really, he hadn't been. It was an innocent question from a child who had never known the affection Itachi received, so therefore couldn't miss it.

Sasuke was also only a ten year old child. How had he managed to simultaneously trigger all of those reactions in him? Itachi had simply put his pen down and attempted to think it over, finally coming to the conclusion once he was in bed that night. He had to be perfect else his father wouldn't notice him or wish to spend time with him.

He had to be _perfect_ to be _loved_.

The revelation had shaken him to the very core, and he resolved to do something about his own attitude. The first thing he'd done the next day was apologise to Sasuke, and the second was to attempt to break the habit of a lifetime. He had slowly broken himself of the need to spend time with his father, his trip to Paris being the last before he'd deliberately asked to move out to help his progress. He had done well- it was almost the reverse now, where the need to be perfect remained but the need for parental affection certainly didn't.

Yet here he was now, years later standing next to the mirror and struggling with the idea of tying his hair in a high ponytail because the progress couldn't come fast enough. A change in hairstyle was hardly an imperfection but it was a _change_ , which he also struggled with. Baby steps, he had told himself, but it was mostly an excuse. He finally forced himself to tie his hair up off of his neck, stepping out of the bathroom immediately so he couldn't see his reflection and change his mind. He made a mental note to avoid any unnecessary reflective surfaces he might catch a glimpse in, too.

Part one of his master plan- complete. Now all he had to do was _step off the porch_ , get in the car and go to college. He sighed and clutched at the doorframe before stepping down and slamming the door with more force than really necessary. Today, he decided, was _not_ going to be a good day.

Once he arrived, he parked and hesitated before stepping out of the car. Making his way to his first class, he felt incredibly self conscious. In his mind, all eyes were on him and he was trying desperately to convince himself people really didn't care if his hair was tied high, low, not at all or even cut to above his ears. It didn't _matter_.

The back of his neck felt strangely exposed, leaving him rubbing a hand across it lightly, feeling tiny wisps of hair at the nape as he did so. The ponytail was tied tightly and felt uncomfortable, but he was determined to keep it there. In memory of Deidara's interventions, he had decided somewhere between the front gate and his car when he'd been close to slapping himself for his idiocy. He'd been out once with his hair tied up and the world hadn't collapsed, so he could do it again. Just because Deidara wasn't there didn't mean he was incapable!

Did it? He mentally stamped the thought down- yes he _was_ a capable, rational adult!

He sighed and ran a hand up to his hair once more. No, he really wasn't, was he?

Once he was seated in his first class he had to mentally force himself not to rip his assignment from his bag and attempt to correct the mistakes he had deliberately made. It was only a couple of spellings- nothing catastrophic, but _imperfect_ none the less. The notion was threatening to eat him alive and he pushed it down as best he could.

He glanced around at his fellow students for a distraction, relaxing just a little when he realised no-one was watching him or even looking at him. He put a hand to his ponytail once again, resisting the urge to yank it out and restyle it- it was _so damn irritating_ that he could have screamed, let alone what it represented. How did Deidara have his own tied up so tightly all the time?

He sighed, his eyes falling on the desk in front of him. Did everything have to come back to the artist that had seemingly taken up residence in his mind? He checked his mobile phone for a message- just in case, despite Deidara not owning a mobile. He made a mental note to correct that for him if (when, he told himself, not _if_ ) he came back.

By the time his teacher had arrived he was struggling so much with the idea of handing in an imperfect assignment that he'd managed to make himself feel sick, chiding himself for the foolishness of the situation. Almost every other student, if not all of them, probably had mistakes on their assignments he had told himself. Yet it had made no difference, leaving him to push the nausea away and try to relax until the end of the class when he could just hand it in and _run away_.

Within moments of attempting to tune into the teacher's words he realised it was impossible. Images of Deidara danced in his way and obscured his mind and vision, forcing him to think about him and only him. Not paying close attention wasn't anything new for Itachi, but he liked to be in control of that. He wasn't anywhere near in control of anything right then.

He slipped his assignment out onto the desk at the teacher's request, eyes scanning it and landing directly on a particular spelling mistake he already knew the location of by heart. 'Reluctance'. A reasonably easy word to spell in his opinion, currently etched onto the page as 'relucktance' and driving him so unbelievably mad he couldn't bear to look at it any longer.

It was all too much.

Feeling panic starting to overtake him, he did something he was a master of when he felt cornered by a situation. He hesitated and held a hand gently in the air to attract the teacher's attention, causing him to halt and look intrigued.

"Yes, Itachi?"

It was at that moment Itachi realised that every single set of eyes in the room were now on him, causing him to freeze. He really did need to think these things through more often, rather than fixing on the 'run away' part and getting no further in the thought. Panic destroyed his usually very rational and functional mind it seemed.

"Itachi?"

He had no idea what he was supposed to say! He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, mentally wracking his mind for a reasonable excuse for interrupting and getting out of there. He had always despised interruptions and therefore had caused only one on the day he'd come in on no sleep and thoroughly wretched, instigated by the teacher and not him anyway.

In short, he had no idea what he was doing, opening and closing his mouth like some kind of idiotic fish and struggling not to pass out from the sudden lack of air he was experiencing. Panic, his mind kindly informed him. He was actually going to have a panic attack in the middle of the classroom because he was incapable of opening his perfect mouth to speak. It _was_ a bad day, he decided. A horrible, terrible day where the teacher was now beginning to look at him strangely for his lack of speech, prompting him to try and push back further panic under the added pressure.

The day he had met Deidara had been because he had interrupted- and now here Itachi was, on the other end of the scale. A tiny smile quirked the edge of his lips before he quickly pushed it down, aware of the eyes on him. What a full circle indeed.

"Could I go to the bathroom please?" He finally asked. Was that even going to work? He had never tried- not to be confused with never having the need to try, of course, because being perfect meant being infallible (inhuman) and simply getting on with the work regardless (or once, coming up with an elaborate plan involving getting a book from the library and the need to retrieve it right then, _yes_ then, _not_ after the lesson, just _let me out the classroom_ and don't make me tell you the real reason because I'm _perfect_ -!)

He was aware his thoughts were racing and he suddenly understood the idea of a flashback before death, mentally smacking down the ridiculous scorecard that popped up in his head boasting Complex- 1, Itachi- 0. Was he delusional now or just mentally impeded? He wasn't dying- he was waiting for an answer. Unfortunately his mind didn't seem to have received the memo, convincing him he was going to die very soon if he didn't start _breathing in air_ like a normal person.

The teacher was frowning in confusion at him, so Itachi frowned back. It was a simple question! He didn't want to think that he was currently be analysed for the 'fault'. He rationalised with himself- what else could he say? He highly doubted 'may I be excused to panic in the hallway about the misspelling of the word reluctance?' was going to be accepted very well. Complex- 2, Itachi- 0.

"Class only started five minutes ago," the teacher pointed out finally, the reason for his confusion now apparent and of course, nothing to do with imperfections. Regardless he waved Itachi to the door without any further complaint.

Itachi gladly slipped out, shutting the door and closing his eyes to collect his thoughts. He marvelled for a moment that he had somehow managed to make the situation worse for himself, his breath coming in heaving gasps as he tried to calm himself- rather than ignoring the stupid spelling mistake, he had managed to attract the attention of the _entire class_. He closed his eyes to dizziness as he attempted to calm himself down, berating himself for reacting in such a manner.

He felt a familiar burn to his eyes- oh, he was going to cry now was he? He growled, pushed himself off of the door and forced the burn to recede- no he damned well _wasn't_. Complex- 2, Itachi- 1. He smirked, heading in the direction of the bathroom anyway so he didn't feel so bad for lying.

Once inside, he caught his reflection in the mirror. A mistake- it led to him pulling the hair tie out and letting his hair fall loosely around his shoulders. Exhaling, he tied it back in its usual position at the nape of his neck and tried not to feel too disappointed- he was trying, and that was the most important part, surely? Complex- 3, Itachi... He sighed and shook the thought free. He refused to have a mental scorecard of his failure following him any longer.

The most important thing was that Deidara returned so he could have some support in his endeavour to rid himself of his mental issues, he warned himself as he splashed water over his face. He wanted nothing more than to simply leave and go home, but he couldn't- he'd already taken the day before off and besides, he'd left his bag in the class.

Toying with the idea of collecting his bag, faking illness and leaving, he made his way back through the halls to his class. It took a little persuading in his mind, but he decided he would stay- but only because he was already feeling dissatisfied enough with himself as it was. The thought that Deidara might be sitting on his doorstep, waiting for his return, floated through his mind but he quashed it quickly. Deidara knew his schedule and if he did return, it would be his own fault he was stuck waiting.

Itachi re-entered the room and refused to meet the eye of anyone in it, slinking back to his desk and noticing with a start his assignment was missing. That solved that mental trauma at least, because going up and wrestling the teacher to get it back really _would_ be ridiculous.

His mind questioned the notion and he mentally beat it down and demanded it be silent. In retaliation, it launched images of Deidara on his doorstep at him, waiting for his return- sad, rejected, lonely...

He was pathetic, he told himself with a heavy sigh. Completely and utterly pathetic. It was really going to be a long, _long_ day.

-.-.-

Deidara wasn't sitting on his doorstep. Itachi tried very hard not to feel too disappointed as he walked slowly up the garden path, but he was. The day had been a trying one and all he wanted to do now was slip back into normality- even the normality where he and Deidara simply lived together but hadn't confessed their feelings. He smiled bitterly as he withdrew his key from his pocket- he really did hate disruption to his orderly ways. At least he'd managed to put his hair back up high- not an easy task, but one he had managed none the less.

He hesitated on the doorstep, the hand holding his key pausing inches from the keyhole as something rather alarming dawned on him. A set of googly eyes adorned the small gold lock, causing him to almost fall backwards off the step in realisation. As he regained his balance, a flash of light from behind him made him spin around so fast he almost fell once more, turning his gaze to a familiar blond sitting in his tree.

Deidara gave him a wave and a smile, holding his camera in his hands. He let it drop back around his neck and quickly clambered down as Itachi approached. The artist grinned and opened his mouth to say something, but he was silenced as Itachi practically threw himself into his arms and hugged him so tightly he found it difficult to breathe.

"Thank you," Itachi murmured in his ear, clutching Deidara as though he would vaporise into nothing if they broke apart. "Thank you for coming back."

Deidara lightly nudged him off, retrieving his suitcase from the other side of the tree where he had hidden it. "You thought I wouldn't?"

"It crossed my mind."

Deidara gave him a soft smile, cocking his head slightly in question. "Why?"

Itachi returned the smile, feeling dazed as he indicated over his shoulder to the personified front door. "Let's go inside?"

"Can't we stay outside? It's not a bad day today, yeah."

Itachi had no intentions of arguing with anything Deidara wanted right then, settling down on the crisp grass underneath the tree without complaint. Deidara sat next to him, a wistful smile on his lips.

"I got you a gift."

Itachi frowned as Deidara opened his case, pulling out a small wrapped present. The paper was a shiny red, a huge silver bow plastered clumsily on top with a star shaped silver tag. Itachi, remembering the manners instilled in him as a child to read gift tags before tearing into the present itself, flipped it over to inspect it.

' _Itachi- I thought you could do with this. Be careful with it!'_

A single kiss underneath the message gave Itachi a reason to smile as he gently tugged at the paper, unravelling it to be presented with a small, plain box. Deidara sat expectantly at his side, beaming as Itachi struggled with the sellotape momentarily before finally getting into the plain box to reveal the item.

"A new clock," Deidara explained, though it was needless as Itachi was quite aware what it was. "You never replaced yours, yeah."

"Thank you," Itachi replied, turning it over a couple of times to inspect it. Small, black and currently without batteries- he was sure he could fix that later, setting it aside and thanking that the ice had been broken between them.

"Are you here to stay?" He murmured quietly, half of him wishing not to ask in case the answer was no. He wanted to stay right there forever, basking in the glory of Deidara and his infectious charm. He didn't want to know if he was leaving. He didn't want him to leave ever again, full stop.

"I did a lot of thinking," Deidara replied quietly after a few moments of contemplation. "I wanted to work out if there was room for me in your life alongside that need to be perfect of yours, yeah."

"Sasuke warned me things may not work out if I don't rein the complex in," Itachi responded, his voice equally soft.

Deidara glanced round to him, seemingly surprised. "He knows?"

"He's known for a while," Itachi shrugged. "How I feel, anyway. I needed to tell someone."

"That someone probably should have been me, yeah. How did he take it?"

"He reluctantly gave his blessing."

Deidara snorted lightly. "Like I care for his _blessing_ , yeah. Though, I suppose he's only ninety eight percent of a jerk now."

"He made a cinnamon cake yesterday. I saved you some."

Deidara's face lit up. "Only _ninety_ percent jerk, then."

Itachi let the remark slide, pushing the conversation back on track to what he felt was the more important issue. "The reason I didn't tell you wasn't just because I wasn't sure if you returned my feelings-"

"Itachi," Deidara cut in. "Wasn't it obvious I did?"

"It was more I didn't want to upset the balance I have in life," Itachi pointed out, ignoring the interjection. "I had to weigh up whether I wanted perfection or you. You were right when you said I needed time to think as well."

"You chose perfection right until the last second. That's what I was afraid of, yeah."

"Not through my own desire but yes- I did," Itachi agreed. He had no intentions of being anything but honest, as much as it was killing him to talk so candidly. "But when you actually left I realised it was a good thing you'd gone, even though I hated it. I needed that, because it let me see what I was losing. I can't promise to change overnight, but I want to try."

"I did see your hair is tied up today."

Itachi's eyes darkened slightly. "You have _no idea_ the hell I put myself through today. I asked to leave the _classroom_. I've never done that. I _misspelled_ words on my essay and handed it in anyway."

Deidara looked impressed, giving him an encouraging smile. "I'm glad," he replied softly. "I know it's going to be difficult, but I'll be here with you. I want to give you the chance to change, yeah."

They sat in silence, hands entwined lightly in the grass that neither of them remembered initiating and both sets of eyes gazing up towards the overcast sky. "So where does that leave us?" Itachi finally asked, feeling Deidara grip his hand tighter in response.

"It leaves us right here in your front garden," Deidara replied. "It isn't so small anymore, though."

With that he leaned over and gently pressed their lips together in a soft kiss, one hand lightly gripping the back of Itachi's neck as he did so. Itachi melted into it, leaning back against the trunk of the tree as he lost his balance slightly- Deidara was leaning against him, but he didn't care for being unsteady right then. Instead he wrapped his arms around the man he had been chasing for far too long, feeling as though he might just explode in sheer joy as he took in his taste, his lips, his soft hair beneath his hand- _everything_ , it was everything he had hoped for.

He realised with a start as they parted that for those brief moments, the complex hadn't mattered. They were sitting in full view of the path behind them in the garden, where anyone could have walked past but he hadn't given it an iota of thought. He hadn't been plagued with thoughts of his own kissing ability either- a worry that had crept into his mind over time that he'd pushed away in embarrassment. The smallest of smiles played with the corner of his lips before he finally let it take over, lightly brushing a hand to Deidara's cheek.

"Thank you for coming back," he breathed. "You never did answer my question. Are you staying?"

Deidara's tongue flicked across his lips just a little, a flicker of a grin on his face. "The college are going to be pretty annoyed with me, yeah."

"Do you care?"

"A little," Deidara admitted. "Not enough to go chasing it, though. I'm sure the other college will suit me just fine."

"I'll get you a key cut," Itachi promised.

Deidara smiled at that, cupping Itachi's hand on his cheek and bringing it down so their hands were lying on the grass, still locked in place. "Thanks, yeah. I appreciate it."

They stayed that way, leaning back against the tree with joined hands and simply watching the clouds float by peacefully. Itachi smiled as he squinted against a particularly sharp ray of sunlight, wondering when he had last felt so tranquil and coming to the conclusion that he didn't think he ever had. He brushed the thought aside- it no longer mattered when he had a suspicion it was something he would be feeling for a while to come.

Regardless of anything else, Deidara completed him. Right then, that was really all that mattered.

Complex- 3, Itachi-

He smirked to himself. Itachi- the dark horse, the victor, the _who cares_? Itachi the happiest man alive?

That would do, he decided as he leant against Deidara's shoulder. That suited him just fine.


	16. Almost Perfect

Itachi rather liked having Deidara back in his life as an actual partner. The most important part he was still basking in was that when he awoke in the morning, Deidara awoke at his side as well. However, contrary to what movies and fairytales would have you believe, it wasn't quite all happily ever after when your new partner was a _cover stealing moron_.

He scowled as he shivered, attempting to pull the cover Deidara had curled up with over himself even just a little. They had shared the bed for three nights now, and that was three nights Itachi had spent clambering for the feather duvet sleepily when he inevitably awoke from cold. A glance to the blue LCD screen of his new, unfamiliar clock told him it was barely three am and he scowled, yanking harshly on the covers once more.

"Deidara," he hissed, sighing in frustration when the call did nothing and putting his bare feet out onto the cold floor instead. He would go and retrieve a blanket from the airing cupboard and curl up with it himself instead, and he'd turn his back on Deidara out of spite too.

As he pulled the soft blue cover Deidara used to use from the airing cupboard a smile flickered on his tired lips. He and Deidara had slipped into a relationship effortlessly- the length of time they had co-habited previously had clearly helped, meaning the subtle changes to their routine were welcomed ones.

They, of course, now shared the bed. The bed, Itachi noted, that Deidara had somehow managed to spread himself out across in the short moments he had been absent. Shoving him roughly and getting back in, he wrapped the cover he held around himself and shivered beneath it. Perhaps it really was time to start putting the heating on at night.

Deidara also now held his own key. It had been the first thing Itachi had wanted to do, choosing a colourful tartan design for the key in question from an array on display in the store. He'd even re-cut his own boring, gold key into a red and black one and silently admired it every time he came into contact with it. The novelty hadn't worn off yet and of course, Deidara had absolutely adored them both for their artistic measures.

Lastly, the perfection complex. Itachi sighed, trying to will the thought away. It was the most difficult challenge he'd ever had to face and Deidara had been clearly pushing him in the right direction. Sometimes literally, when Itachi had been faltering between trying to take the easy, perfect path against changing to a less perfect one as he'd promised he would.

He scowled lightly as he recalled Deidara shoving him while he'd been holding coffee in front of a whole _cafe_ of people the evening before, promptly dropping it. _Then_ the idiot had practically pinned him down to prevent him trying to hide in the bathroom from shame, forcing him to confess untruthfully he had _dropped_ it like an normal, imperfect human to the staff as they attempted to clean up.

When they were walking home, Itachi had had the grace to thank him for helping before shoving _him_ into a gutter.

It seemed he was wide awake as well, realising he was thinking and not sleeping. He exhaled and turned back towards Deidara, already having made the decision to rouse him from sleep too- it was his fault he was even _awake_ anyway, the idiot.

"Deidara," he murmured, shaking his shoulder. "Wake up."

Deidara turned to him with sleepy, half lidded eyes before smiling gently. "Itachi," he uttered, curling into Itachi's side as he did so. Itachi let him, placing his arms around him gently as though he was made of glass. Deidara was far from delicate but Itachi was still feeling a little like he was dreaming, the notion that if he was forceful in any way he would shatter the life they were beginning to build in his mind keeping him gentle.

"You stole all the cover again," Itachi whispered in his ear, holding his breath slightly as he felt the rise and fall of Deidara's bare chest against his own. "I woke up freezing because of you."

"Turn the heating on, yeah."

"Why don't you just _not_ steal the cover?"

Deidara didn't reply, curling closer into Itachi and laying one hand on his naked chest. Itachi closed his eyes in elation, tightening his grasp around Deidara just a little. Perhaps he _could_ fall back to sleep after all, curled up comfortably against a loving body that was radiating heat.

Deidara moved, sitting up and yawning slightly as he did so. Stretching his arms up rather like an oversized cat, he slipped off of the bed much to Itachi's annoyance.

"Shall we go for a walk?"

"It's three in the morning, Deidara."

"I'm awake now, yeah."

"I'm not going for a walk at three in the morning. Get back in bed."

"Can we go later?" Deidara asked, unrelenting. "There's a really nice park near my..." He faltered, looking like a little downcast. "The college I was going to go to, and I think you'll like it."

Neither Deidara nor Itachi had expected the college in the next town over to refuse to give the scholarship back once Deidara turned it down for the other more distant one. Itachi had felt an immeasurable amount of guilt for contributing to his decision to change in the first place, but Deidara being who he was had smiled and simply shrugged it off. However disappointment radiated from him like an aura, leaving Itachi saddened that there was nothing either of them could do.

"Are you coming back to bed?"

Deidara hesitated before climbing back under Itachi's cover, throwing the one he had stolen over them as well. He curled back up against his boyfriend's pale chest, pressing his lips gently to the soft skin as he sighed contentedly.

"Deidara?" Itachi murmured, half asleep already. "Does it feel strange to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"This. Us."

"Should it?" Deidara asked, seemingly confused. "We've been a part of each other's lives for long enough that it doesn't really feel that weird, yeah. Does it for you?"

"No," Itachi replied, a smile on his lips. "That's why I asked."

Deidara kept silent, burying his own smile in Itachi's side until he felt the soft, gentle rhythm of sleep emanating from him. Taking that as his cue to get up, he did so carefully so he wouldn't disturb the other man and slipped off to fetch his sketchbook from his bag. An idea had been eating at him and he had less than two hours to implement it, settling down in the desk chair and flicking the lamp on to get started right away.

-.-.-

Itachi awoke to the buzz of the alarm at five, turning over to hit the very convenient snooze button on the top sharply to stop it. It was a feature his old clock hadn't had and now he owned a clock with it, he had no intentions of ever owning a clock _without_ it ever again.

Deidara was sitting in his desk chair with his sketchbook in his lap, looking awfully pleased about something. Itachi pulled himself to a sitting position, gesturing for Deidara to speak as he clearly wanted to.

"I only finished a few minutes ago," Deidara explained coyly, getting up to hand the closed sketchbook to Itachi. "I'll make you coffee."

He vanished from the room quickly, leaving Itachi to grab his glasses from the bedside and blink a few times in an attempt to banish the last traces of sleep. When he felt he had done so he opened the sketchbook onto the bookmarked page he presumed he was supposed to be looking at, eyes widening as he took in the image before him.

As was the case with a lot of the sketchbook, it was himself that he saw emblazoned on the thick white paper. It was only a rough sketch, showing time hadn't been on the artist's side, but he had still managed to put across the necessary details that he had wanted to. The Itachi in the picture was fast asleep, the blue cover curled up almost protectively in his arms- much like Itachi had been doing when he awoke, in fact.

Deidara had attempted to draw him once before, but Itachi had awoken before he finished. Itachi smiled at the picture before him, closing it with a soft snap when Deidara returned carrying a white cup of much welcomed coffee with him.

"How long have you been wanting to draw that?" He asked softly.

"Since the last attempt failed," Deidara admitted. "I'm glad I got the chance, even if it's a little rough around the edges, yeah."

Itachi accepted the mug with a nod of thanks, setting it on the side to cool as he slipped out of the bed. Deidara caught him in an embrace as he did so, one hand tenderly on the back of Itachi's head as they pulled apart.

"Can we go for that walk?" He asked pleadingly.

"Let me shower and drink my coffee first," Itachi sighed, rubbing a weary hand over his eyes. "Why don't you make some breakfast and we'll take it with us?"

"Breakfast?" Deidara replied, frowning as Itachi stepped out into the hallway. He followed to continue the conversation. "What am I supposed to do, pack cereal and milk or something yeah?"

"No," Itachi sighed, turning to raise an eyebrow at him. "Use your imagination."

Five minutes later when he was standing under the warm cascade of the shower, he realised with a start what he had just given permission for. The _last_ time he had given Deidara full reign over his kitchen it had ended in blue cake- he groaned, rinsing his hair quickly and snapping the shower off. He needed to put a stop to whatever scheme his artistically minded boyfriend was implementing _right then_ , no delays, no questions asked.

Deidara turned to greet him with a butter knife in his hand. Normal, Itachi noted. That was good.

"What are you making?" He asked casually, trying to make it seem like he'd simply decided on a quick shower that morning, rather than he had cut it short to check up on the idiot.

"Breakfast," Deidara replied cheerily. "I have it under control, yeah. Go and drink your coffee."

Itachi reluctantly fetched his coffee from the bedroom and settled at the living room table, attempting to steal glances across to the kitchen. He couldn't see any traces of blue food dye and he couldn't smell cake, which was definitely a plus in his eyes.

He finished the drink and took the opportunity to spy as he washed the mug in the sink, eyes straying to where Deidara was grating cheese onto a chopping board. He blinked a few times, noting the cucumber that sat nearby.

"Cheese and cucumber sandwiches?" He asked, not quite sure he could believe his eyes.

"What did you expect?" Deidara replied, glancing up in confusion as he paused his grating. "They're portable and taste good, yeah."

"I suppose," Itachi agreed with a shrug, heading from the room and feeling a lot more satisfied. He didn't catch Deidara's smirk as he quickly added another ingredient to Itachi's sandwich, acting innocent as he packaged them up.

"Are you ready?" He called when he heard his boyfriend return to the living room, wanting to get out of the house as quickly as possible so Itachi didn't smell the telltale sign of his tampering.

"Almost," Itachi called back, stepping back into the kitchen fully dressed and tying his wet hair back into a ponytail. "I _hate_ leaving the house with wet hair," he admonished with a sigh as he opened the fridge. "Especially when it's cold."

Deidara just smiled nervously, edging towards the door with the packaged breakfast items in hand. Itachi emerged from the fridge with a bottle of cold water, taking a sip as he leant back against the counter. He frowned after a few more small sips, features twisting in confusion.

"I can smell cinnamon."

"Don't be ridiculous," Deidara attempted to cover, but his guilty look gave him away. Itachi's eyes fell on the sandwiches in the other's hands, looking unimpressed as he quickly worked out what had happened.

"Did you put cinnamon in my breakfast, Deidara?"

"I thought you'd like it?" Deidara protested weakly.

Itachi sighed, putting a hand to his eyes and tilting his head back. "You can't blame that on art," he pointed out. "There's nothing artistic about that."

With that he set the bottle of water down, stalking across to Deidara meaningfully. Deidara slipped into the living room to get away, setting the sandwiches on the table as Itachi wrapped his arms around him and kissed him fervently.

It took only a few seconds for Deidara to recover, kissing back with equal vigour until Itachi broke away and gave him a stern look.

"Are you angry?" Deidara finally asked, though really it was a stupid question. Angry people didn't kiss the person who had irritated them, surely?

"Idiot," Itachi chided in a soft, tender whisper as the strict look melted away as though it had never been real in the first place- which it hadn't. "It's things like that that made me fall for you."

"Those other things had a basis of art though, yeah."

"I could never tell the difference between your artistic ventures and your moments of idiocy," Itachi shrugged. "Come on, let's go. Are you packing that sandwich?"

Deidara halted in doing exactly that. "Yes?"

"I'm not eating it."

"You just said you liked it when I did things like that, yeah!"

Itachi paused in his stride to the door and turned, shaking his head. "That doesn't mean I'm going to eat that. Make another and I'll meet you out in the car."

Deidara nodded in agreement, a tiny smirk on the edge of his features as Itachi vanished into the hallway. If Itachi wasn't going to be in the house, he wouldn't know if another sandwich got made or not...

"Oh, and Deidara?"

Deidara glanced at Itachi, who was peering round the doorway. "What?"

"I'm putting _trust_ in you. Don't let me down, will you?"

He slipped off again, leaving Deidara to feel a touch guilty- not because he'd been about to flaunt that trust, oh no. Rather, because he had every intention of still doing it anyway. He put the sandwich into his bag and closed it quickly, throwing it onto his shoulder with a satisfied grin.

It was Itachi's fault for putting confidence in him, really. After all, when had either of them ever subscribed to doing things like normal people?

-.-.-

They walked with fingers intertwined tenderly, their free hands clutching paper cups of coffee as they strolled through the small park Deidara had mentioned. The morning's early dew had settled on the ruddy grass- golden leaves had fallen to it and the pathway they walked, leaving the trees bare yet beautiful. They were captivating still, even in their semi-naked forms as they glistened with light frost that would soon vanish in the early morning sun.

Deidara kicked the rusty leaves up as they walked, grinning rather like a child in a candy store as they stuck to the soles of his dark shoes. Itachi frowned at him, exhaling heavily as he observed his partner's behaviour.

"Stop that," he scolded lightly when he could stand it no longer, tugging on Deidara's hand to pull him away from the edge of the path.

"You're no fun, yeah."

" _Fun_ to you is putting cinnamon in cheese and cucumber sandwiches."

"I shared mine with you! Don't tell me you're still annoyed about that!"

"Just walk _normally_ ," Itachi requested with a heavy sigh, taking a sip of his coffee and wincing when he realised it was still too hot. Deidara pursued his lips in distaste but obliged, letting his grip on Itachi go to swap the hand he held his coffee with.

"It's beautiful," he remarked, indicating the park around them. "Who knew something so wonderful was right here on our doorstep? Even though the college thing didn't work out I'm glad I came to this town and found this place, yeah."

He stopped, passing his coffee to Itachi without a word and pulling up the camera around his neck. Itachi watched with a tiny smile on his lips as Deidara snapped photographs of their surroundings, stepping up next to him and glancing at the cloudy sky wistfully.

"Yes," he agreed softly, the words taking a double meaning in his mind. "Who knew?"


	17. Epilogue

"Deidara?"

"I don't like your tone, yeah. What?"

Itachi gave him a tiny, mildly nervous smile from the living room doorway. Deidara frowned- the other had gone to fetch sugar half an hour before, so why was he now standing in the doorway like he'd done something wrong and was waiting to be scolded?

Itachi stepped aside and let Sasuke enter the room and quite suddenly, it all made sense in Deidara's mind.

"A word of warning," Itachi remarked, grabbing Sasuke's shoulder as he stepped forward. "No violence in my house. You two _will_ get along, do you hear me?"

"Of course," Sasuke replied smoothly, his tone indicating he might just disregard that warning. Deidara met his eye cautiously, shrugging in defeat after a moment.

"What did I do?" He asked tiredly.

"You left," Sasuke responded easily, glancing over his shoulder as Itachi wisely left the room and closed the door behind him. Deidara felt like calling out to him not to go, but pride kept his lips sealed. He wasn't scared of a teenage kid!

Sasuke stepped towards him and he took the thought back rapidly- okay, yes he was, _how_ did he manage to look so intimidating like that?!

"I left so your brother could get his head straight," he explained coolly, his voice betraying nothing as Sasuke sat beside him on the sofa. "I know you and I both agree the complex isn't working out for him, yeah."

"Agreed," Sasuke nodded, sighing heavily in defeat as he realised he had no more he could say on that particular matter. "If you hurt him I _will_ hurt you back, hear me?"

"Loud and clear, yeah."

"Do you want my cinnamon cake recipe?"

Deidara's eyes widened, looking stunned. "Do I what?"

"Are you hard of hearing as well as stupid?" Sasuke snapped, rolling his eyes. "It was a simple question, _yeah_."

The sarcastic teasing of Deidara's speech riled him up immediately, causing the artist to clench his fists in annoyance. "I'm sure I can make cinnamon cake without your recipe."

"Itachi likes my recipe," Sasuke taunted. "Are you _sure_?"

Deidara faltered for a moment, turning his eyes to the floor. " _Fine_ ," he muttered. "I'll take it."

Sasuke smirked and reached into his pocket, pulling out the recipe he had written out already as though he had known the other would agree. "It's our little secret," he explained, his voice in a whisper. "Don't let even Itachi see this, alright?"

"Sure," Deidara agreed, taking the paper and giving the younger Uchiha the smallest of smiles.

"This is an acceptance of your relationship, just so you know," Sasuke explained, shrugging awkwardly as he looked at the floor, cheeks tinged just a little in embarrassment.

"Do you want a pat on the head for it?" Deidara responded airily, narrowing his eyes to the paper in front of him as he attempted to make the words out. "I don't know what we would have done without your consent, yeah." He paused in mock thought. "Oh yes, I do- we'd have done it anyway. But thanks for the thought."

"I'm going to physically put you back on that train myself, even if it means tying you to the damn seat," Sasuke responded, a murderous look in his eyes. It went by completely ignored by its recipient.

"Your handwriting it atrocious," Deidara replied instead, finally pulling the paper away from his gaze in frustration. "Am I supposed to understand this?"

Sasuke scowled at him and glanced over his shoulder. "What's wrong with it?" He argued sharply. "What can't you read?"

"Any of it!"

"Then you'd better add English to your college curriculum!"

From his post outside the door in the hallway, Itachi smothered a soft chuckle behind one hand. Perhaps the two would never be firm friends, but there seemed to be potential on the horizon. It all sounded reasonably light hearted, after all.

"My English is just fine, it isn't my fault your handwriting looks like a spider crawled on the page and died, yeah!"

"Do you _want_ the recipe or not because I'm _this_ close to just shredding it and smacking you-"

"Is that a threat, Uchiha?! I swear the only reason I don't rip your throat out is because I respect your brother-"

"The only reason _I_ don't rip out _yours_ is because I can't stand the idea of him moping about like he did when you left. Hear me- _when you left_ you fucking jackass, I have _no idea_ what he sees in you-"

Itachi breathed deeply and tilted his head to the wall, banging against it softly in frustration. Alright- maybe _not_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part of a series. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!


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